Sunday Stealing

Stolen from Fauxklore

1. Have you ever been caught outdoors away from shelter during a thunderstorm? Yes. That's why I keep an umbrella in my briefcase at all times.

2. Did you ever build furniture forts as a child? Yes. My oldest friend was the architect. I just helped drape the blankets.

3. Do you use any medicines daily? Yes, for cholesterol and allergies.

4. When was the last time you used a disposable camera? I don't recall. It's been a long while.

5. When was the last time you flew on a plane? When I went to my niece's wedding in October 2020. I'm flying to Florida for Christmas in Key West later this month.

6. How many first cousins do you have? Six (though I only know two of them well).

7. What’s the longest period of time you’ve gone without sleep? 20 hours. When I finally got to bed, I didn't so much fall asleep as surrender to it.

8. Did the house you grew up in have a big yard? Yes. It was so big that, at one point, my parents contemplated getting a built-in pool. My mom nixed it. In Chicagoland, it would only be used three months/year. Plus she worried about neighborhood kids getting in and drowning. (My mom was a worrier; I come by it honestly.)

9. What has been the most difficult class you’ve ever taken? Chemistry. Keep that frigging periodic table of elements away from me!

10. What’s something that’s much more difficult than a lot of people realize? Acceptance. I learned a phrase recently from the midrash: "We are all broken vessels, infinitely precious in the eyes of God." I need to learn to have greater compassion for my own failings and for the failings of those around me. This has been top of mind for me since last month's Compassion Challenge. Funny how a Jewish verse would bring me closer to having a more responsive Christian heart, but that's how God works sometimes, isn't it?

11. What are some things a house would need to have for you to purchase it? A really good bathroom with updated plumbing and ventilation.

12. Would you ever go out in public wearing pajamas? Well, if there was a fire I wouldn't waste time changing into my street clothes.

13. Have you ever had a lemonade stand? Yes.

14. Do you think you look older or younger than your real age? Yes. I should, too, because I work at it. I'm a 64-year-old woman in a young person's industry! My skincare regime is pretty unshakeable and I whiten my teeth regularly. (Need to do that before Christmas.)

15. Where have you lived throughout your life? A certain toddlin' town. Home of the 2016 World Series Champions.

 

Happy Birthday to Me -- Recap Edition

I consider this my favorite birthday card

My birthday was 11/22. Monday of Thanksgiving week. Between the holiday, a heavy workload, and covid, it wasn't the event it's been in the past. But it was better than 2020, when my special day was completely forgotten amid the pandemic. (I even got sick with covid myself around this time last year.) So looking back on my 2021 celebrations, I want to give a special shout out to the State of Illinois. 63% of us are now vaccinated. I know three people who contracted the virus this summer -- all three were vaccinated with both doses -- and none of them got as sick as I got.* Using my birthday as a signpost, I hope that masking and booster shots continue to keep us safe and that next year my special day will be Galapalooza again!

I got presents! In addition to the ones in this photo (from my auntie, my cousin, Snarkypants and my friend Nancy), I got little gifties from my Joanna, my oldest friend and newest friend, Elaine. They're all festive and thoughtful and appropriate and so very appreciated.

I ate! Thanksgiving dinner with Gregory and John was the start. (He got me a giftcard to my favorite local movie theater -- another perfect present!) Then Joanna and I got together at a local restaurant I haven't been to in nearly two years! Last night, Elaine and I dined at a trendy little Asian kitchen downtown near the ballpark. It's a tiny space with great food and I'm so glad it made it through the pandemic when many other small businesses didn't.

I celebrated! Last night, Elaine and I attended the annual holiday show at the Music Box theater. Last year, for the first time in decades, it had to be held outdoors at a drive-in theater. This year, we were back inside! Yes, we were masked and asked to present our vaccination cards, but I like feeling safe!

Anyway, last night, surrounded by classic movie fans who knew all the dialog (and hissed whenever mean Mr. Potter appeared and jingled bells whenever Clarence mentioned his wings), I saw It's a Wonderful Life. It was a very emotional experience for me. Not just because the film is so positive and moving, but because it was a favorite film of my favorite uncle. I miss him all the time -- more often than I would have predicted when he died more a decade ago -- and he would have loved this.

 Before the film, the Music Box showed Christmas-themed shorts, including my favorite as a little girl, "Hardrock, Coco and Joe." It's crazy how happy this made me!

Then there was a sing-along, hosted by The Big Guy himself. I don't know if you can really tell from my crappy photo, but Santa hopped onto the classic Music Box organ and led us in song. Most of the tracks we sang along with were by my holiday fave rave, Andy Williams (!) and augmented by the organ. Afterward, Santa rewarded us by throwing wrapped candies into the audience.

There were no children in the audience, but in addition to Boomers like Elaine and me, there were plenty of Millennials. It was so nice to enjoy the movie going/Christmas experience in a crowd again!

I woke up this morning feeling very happy. Loved and grateful. Excited about Christmas 2021 ... and hoping that when I post about my birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas 2022, vaccinations and masks will make covid a mere mention and not a big part of our memories.

*Nor my Cousin Rose or my oldest friend. All three of us ended up spending the holidays with covid. Like me, my friend had wicked gastrointestinal symptoms. Rose had the more conventional respiratory symptoms. All three of us were sick for weeks. Since we're still on work-from-home, one of my vaccinated coworkers got through his very recent "bout" without missing a day's work!

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Drivers License (2021)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) This song is about a girl who just got her drivers license. Who taught you to drive? My dad at home, Coach Brown at school, and I am no credit to either of them. I was a terrible driver.

2) Do you like your drivers license/state ID photo? It's OK. I've endured worse.

3) Think back to the first ticket you received. How old were you, and what was it for? Since I've never been a driver, I've never gotten a ticket.

4) In this week's song, Olivia Rodrigo is brokenhearted, driving through her boyfriend's neighborhood, certain that he has taken up with the sophisticated blonde girl. When it comes to romance, do you have a jealous streak? Oh, yes! It's wide and unattractive.

5) Olivia grew up in Temucula, California. Temecula is home to 40 wineries and dozens of tasting rooms. Have you ever attended a wine tasting? I've been to two. The first was a formal fundraiser for The Field Museum. It was so funny to see all these people (me included) among the dinosaurs, dressed to the nines, spitting into buckets. The second was a far more casual affair at a spa right outside Atlanta. I enjoyed the sweet port wines. Alas, now that even a sip of the grape gives me migraines, my tasting days are over.

The main hall, prepped for an event.

6) Her first on-screen appearance was in a commercial for Old Navy stores. Old Navy is owned by the same company as Banana Republic, Gap and Athletica. Have you done any of your holiday shopping at one of those stores? (Yes, their websites count.) Kinda sorta. I got Henry a Banana Republic gift card for his birthday (12/22). Last time I was in Key West (2019) we had a nice time shopping their pre-Christmas sale. If I know Henry, he hasn't bought anything for his husband Reg yet. Even if he's on it, I know he likes their chinos for himself. I predict one of our first Christmas Eve stops will be to the Banana Republic on Duval.

7) She went on to star in projects for Disney studios. That's also how pop stars Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Miley Cyrus, and Christina Aguilera got started. Arguably the first teen star created by Disney studios was Annette Funicello. Do you remember her? "Ask the birds and ask the bees and ask the stars above who's their favorite sweet brunette. You know each one confesses: Annette, Annette, Annette." When I was a little girl, my mom's dad lived alone in a pair of rooms he rented in this lady's house. He had his own bedroom and bathroom at the top of the stairs, but no kitchen! I found his living arrangement fascinating. Anyway, he kept a record player and some children's records for me to play when I'd come visit. "Annette" was a thick yellow plastic disc with a Disney logo, a paean to the most popular Mouseketeer. I played it all the time, but since Mickey Mouse Club wasn't on anymore, I didn't really know who Annette Funicello was until I was older and saw her Beach Party movies on TV.

Singer Jimmie Dodd and his Mouskamuse

 

8) "Drivers License" was one of this year's most popular songs. One of this year's most popular books is John Grisham's The Judge's List. Do you expect to do much reading between now and the end of the year? If so, what's on your TBR (to be read) list? I've been doing something new for me: reading Christmas chick-lit. I'm hoping it will help me get into the swing of things. Next up is The Matzah Ball (Kwizgiver turned me on to it). Then I'm going back to my "regularly scheduled" reading. There's a biography of Lady Bird Johnson I'm eagerly looking forward to. She was the First Lady I remember most clearly from my girlhood, but I know so little about her. Let's fix that! (I love reading about First Ladies.)

9) Random Question: What is the longest line you ever stood in, and was it worth it? I don't know that it's longest line I've ever stood in, but in December 2019 I waited forever in the State of Illinois building to get my new, TSA compliant Real ID. The memory is vivid because it was the last time I was in a crowd, surrounded by strangers (remember, everything shut down in March 2020) until my nephew and I went to Wrigley Field last summer. December 2019 to August 2021. Nearly 20 months. Wow. Covid.

The tree I stared at for hours in line

 

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here.  

1. What are you currently reading? This Christmas, by Jane Green/Jennifer Coburn/Liz Ireland. To get into the swing of the holidays, I picked up this trio of Christmas-y short stories. I'm in the middle of the first one ("Vacation") right now and it's moving along nicely. Sarah and Eddie used to be madly in love, but their lives have taken them down different paths and they seem to have lost one another. Nobody's at fault, or maybe they both are, and they agree to a trial separation. Will they reconcile at Christmas? I don't know, but really, yes I do. It's a chick-lit holiday romance! 

 

I've read Jane Green before. According to my book lists, I've read Jemima J., Another Piece of My Heart and Bookends. My notes say I liked those three books, and yet right now, as I sit here, I remember little about them. I suspect this short story "Vacation" will be the same. I'm enjoying it right now but it's nothing memorable. And that's OK. I just want a holiday love story right now.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Ma'am Darling: 99 Glimpses of Princess Margaret by Craig Brown. Be warned! This biography of Queen Elizabeth's rebellious younger sister is really not a biography at all. It's the retelling of anecdotes shared by people those who knew Princess Margaret at different points in her life. 

 

It's a gossipy romp that portrays Margaret as the favorite of her father, The King. ("Elizabeth is my pride, but Margaret is my joy," he was fond of saying.) The prettier, more charming of the Windsor girls, she was destined to never be Queen. In fact, at the time of her death in 2002, she was 11th in succession, behind then 10-year-old Princess Eugenie, daughter of Andrew and Fergie. Apparently this left her haughty and bitter.

So did love. She was not allowed to marry Captain Peter Townsend because he was divorced (imagine how she felt about Charles and Camilla, a generation later!). Her glittering marriage to Antony Armstrong-Jones disintegrated rather quickly. She had ill-fated affairs with unsuitable men.

Yet Picasso and Peter Sellers were madly in love with her. The British tabloids couldn't get enough of her, either. She was, at one time, considered one of the world's most glamorous women. And the bitchiest. She openly scorned our Queen Elizabeth (Taylor) in the press for her "vulgar" jewelry. When they met, and Liz was wearing her 33.9 k Krupp Diamond, she asked Princess Margaret if she'd like to try it on. Margaret slipped it on her finger. "Not so vulgar now, is it?" Elizabeth Taylor purred.

 

It's that kind of book. If you enjoy such stories, you'll enjoy this. I admit I did. But it also left me sad. I suppose it would be natural to draw a line between Margaret and Harry, the "spare" of his generation. But I couldn't help thinking of Diana. Margaret could have really done something with her life, used her popularity to advance good works. Instead she promoted "G&T" (gin and tonic), cigarette holders, bouffant hair and the Island of Mustique. It feels like she had a sad life of wasted opportunity.

3. What will you read next? I think I'll grab another Christmas fiction.

Sunday Stealing

 Stolen from League of Extraordinary Penpals

1. What are your plans for December? First I finish the latest BIG PROJECT, then I head  to Key West to spend Christmas with Henry, Reg and Patrick.

2. How do you celebrate your wins/success? I don't really. I just try to appreciate the moment.

3. Are holiday movies only for the holiday season? No. There are some I watch every holiday season, but I'm not averse to watching them all year around.

4. What would you consider a waste of money? If it made you happy, it wasn't a waste of money.

5. What do you like to eat for breakfast? Depends on if you're cooking, or I'm cooking. If I'm cooking, I'll just have a bowl of cereal.

6. How do you feel about poetry? I like song lyrics a lot, but I don't consider poetry at all.

7. Are you shy? Professionally, not at all. Personally, very.

8. Do you take time to reflect on your goals? Yes

9. Something you are curious to know more about. The SALT tax deduction. I keep hearing about it, but I don't understand it, and I mean to learn more about it.

10. Something that makes you feel fancy. Real napkins. I use paper towels or paper napkins at home.

11. How you’re still handling the pandemic. I'm exhausted.

12. A close friend you’ve never met in person. Just about everyone who is reading this! My "blog buddies" know me better (or at least differently) than people who deal with me daily and in real life.

13. Do you get in on trends early or later? Later.

14. What is something you do on a regular basis? This. Blogging.

15. Do you enjoy spending time with family? I love spending time with my niece and nephew.

 

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Got My Mind Set on You (1976)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) George Harrison sings that he requires money, patience and time. Which of those three do you wish for most this morning? Patience. I've been in a pissy mood lately.

2) This was long one of George's favorite songs. He first heard it back in September, 1963 -- months before the Beatles became an international phenomenon -- when he visited his sister in Benton, IL. Is there a song that reminds you of a trip you took? "Rock the Boat" was popular the summer I took my first-ever plane ride. I was in high school when my cousin and I flew to Fort Lauderdale to visit her dad/my favorite uncle. This song seemed to be on the radio every time we got into his car (a red convertible). "Rock on with your bad self."
 
 

 

3) For years, George thought his birthday was February 25. When he was 17, he saw his birth certificate and learned he was really born on the 24th. His mother explained that he was born just before midnight on the 24th and she didn't get to hold him until early morning on the 25th, so she considered the 25th as his birthday. Do you know any interesting stories about the day you were born? I was born at the stroke of midnight. Midnight is legally not a time (not part of either day) and so the staff in the delivery room pressured my mom to "pick a day" so they could get it down on my birth certificate. In those days, mothers were heavily medicated when they gave birth, so she was still pretty stoned and didn't understand what they were yammering about. But she picked a day and time anyway: 12:01 am on 11/22.

4) When George was just 14, he met Paul McCartney on a bus en route to school. Tell us about a time when you met someone who ended up changing your life. Last year at this time (the day after Thanksgiving, 2020) I found myself in line at the post office with an elderly lady. She had a big bag of gifts, wrapped in green paper decorated with reindeer. She was clearly confused about the difference between the post office and The UPS Store. I told her I didn't think the staff of the post office would package her gifts for her. I took her over and showed her where the packing materials were. Our conversation took 3-5 minutes. Her mask was very low, her nose was exposed and when she spoke, her top lip was visible. I learned through contact tracing that she is, very likely, the one who gave me covid.

 

It was awful. I was sick for six weeks in all, and I was so frightened. My sense of smell is changed. But I learned a lot. First of all, my then new doctor turned out to be a keeper, sensitive and attentive. My local government was really there for me, too. In addition to contact tracing, I received offers to help me with medication and grocery shopping. THIS is what I want tax dollars spent on! I will remember this when I vote in our 2022 gubernatorial election. And last, anyone who dismissively refers to covid as "just the flu" can go fuck themselves.

5) Then 17, John Lennon was not interested in letting George perform with his band. He dismissed George as too young. Paul insisted George get a chance and the rest, as they say, is history. Tell us about someone who stood up for you and helped you succeed. My boss Aaron has been very supportive. He has changed my attitude toward my job for the better. I will miss him. I haven't posted about his resignation because I'm still too rattled by it.

 
6) In the 1970s, George took up gardening. He said that clearing away weeds and overgrowth helped him clear his head, and he was very proud of his jasmine flowers. What's your hobby? Why do you enjoy it? I wish George had taken up gardening when he was still with the Beatles. I watched Get Back and while I so enjoyed it, I found George to be (in my mother's words) "a real pill." ANYWAY, movies are my hobby. I watch them, I read about them. I love movies.

7) He also enjoyed playing ukulele and encouraged others to do the same. George often gave ukuleles as birthday and Christmas gifts. What's the last gift you received? My friend John gave me a gift card to my local movie theater. I didn't receive it until after my birthday because he ordered it from his phone and had it sent to the wrong email. (He was one digit off.) It's a great gift -- see answer above -- but the circumstances amuse me. It wasn't that long ago that John bitched and moaned about "millennials" who are "attached" to their phones and never look up. Then he got a new phone. Guess what: he now uses it for everything!

8) At the Academy Awards in spring 1976, another George was in the news. George Burns won an Oscar for his performance in The Sunshine Boys. Who was in the last movie you watched? Barefoot in the Park. Robert Redford was really funny.

 

9) What's the last thing you dropped? Did it break? My phone. No, it didn't break. But one of these times it will. (I drop it a lot.)

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here.  

1. What are you currently reading? Ma'am Darling: 99 Glimpses of Princess Margaret by Craig Brown. I watched the CNN series on Diana and saw Spencer in the theater. It got me thinking about another generation's rogue princess: Margaret. 

This biography of Queen Elizabeth's younger sister is really not a biography at all. It's a series of anecdotes told by people who knew Princess Margaret at different points in her life. In the 1950s, she was one of the most desirable women in the world. In the 1960s, she was half of England's most glamorous couple. By the 1970s, she was a campy joke, a rich, older woman who collected boy toys. Throughout all her incarnations, she was good copy for the British tabloid press. 

This book is terrifically entertaining. All the anecdotes are interesting -- outrageous and poignant. She is often monstrous. But as awful as she is, I still feel sorry for her. She was who she was because of her birth. Period. She believed she was prettier, more charismatic and better suited to serve than Elizabeth, but she was always just the kid sister. It defined and frustrated her. If only she'd had the patriotism and empathy that made Diana The Peoples Princess.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Clammed Up by Barbara Ross. Thinking of Snowdens ... Julia Snowden's family has been running a clambake on Maine's Busman's Harbor for generations. After her father's fatal bout with cancer, the business has hit hard times and Julia is desperate to save it.

She's hung her hopes on expanding from just clambakes to including private parties and events. The first, a wedding, goes horribly awry when the best man is found dead. The police close her down as they investigate the murder, and finances go from bad to worse. More than just the business, the bank could get her widowed mother's home. The sooner the murder is solved, the sooner the business can reopen.

The first of the Maine Clambake series, it was a very good cozy mystery. It established its setting (if you like seafood, the descriptions of the meals will leave you drooling), it has a likeable heroine who is smart but far from perfect, there's little or no gore and a soupcon of romance. It ended a little too neatly and I was disappointed when the killer was revealed because it didn't make a ton of sense to me. 

 

But there was plenty here to enjoy, and I'm sure I'll be back to visit Julia and Busman's Harbor again.

3. What will you read next? I don't know.

Compassion Challenge -- Day 28

 I'm encouraged to participate in this November challenge with my church congregation.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

Sunday, once again, I kept my mouth shut.

I went to Boston Market because I didn't feel like cooking and I had a coupon for 15% off. I ordered a chicken pot pie, a side order of stuffing (to enjoy later), and, to put me over the dollar amount to qualify for the savings, a cookie. FYI: They have very good chocolate at Boston Market. 

The cashier, clearly new, forgot my cookie. I discovered this when I got home. I was unreasonably unhappy. I admit I'd been thinking about that cookie all the way home.

I was too lazy to go back. But I also didn't become a keyboard warrior and log into "Tell Boston Market." 

I know that there's a school of thought that she had a simple job to do: put my ordered items in a bag and take my money. She didn't do it.

On the other hand, Thanksgiving is The Super Bowl at Boston Market. I imagine the staff -- who may not have wanted to work at all because they have loved ones, too -- worked very hard and are tired. Plus, she is new. AND no one really needs a cookie. Not even a big, delicious chocolate chunk cookie.

Compassion for All.

 

 

In honor of the Festival of Lights

 

Sunday Stealing

 FROM MANTELLIGENCE

1. What is the craziest, most outrageous thing you want to achieve? It's neither crazy nor outrageous, but I long for peace of mind.

2. Have your parents influenced what goals you have? Of course. My parents influenced everything about me.

3. What is a fashion trend you’re glad went away. Fringe and macrame. This hideous thing is an evening bag from the 1970s.

4. What word or saying from the past do you think should come back? "Flippy." In Jailhouse Rock, Elvis' girl whines that he hasn't even noticed her new outfit. He declares it, "Flippy. Real flippy."

5. What do you bring with you everywhere you go? My housekeys and a mask.

6. Is there such a thing as a soul? Of course.

7. Is there life after death? Of course.

8. Do you think there will ever be a third world war? I hope not. I fear if there is such a war, it will be the last we ever see.

9. What smell brings back great memories? I was happy to smell apple cinnamon at Thanksgiving. It's a happy holiday smell.

10. How would you like to be remembered? As a good friend.

11. What kind of music are you into?

 
12. What is the biggest surprise of your life? Some things I thought would be easy (romantic relationships) haven't been. Some things I thought would be hard (career) came easily.

13. If you could eat only one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? Hamburgers.

14. Where is the most awe inspiring place you have been? Washington DC. Walking up the steps to the Lincoln Memorial, seeing the Jefferson Memorial at night, actually made my heart swell a bit. I don't think I want to ever go near the Capitol again. Not after January 6, when those Trumped lunatics defiled it.

15. Describe your life in six words. Nah. I'll give you two: She tries. 

 

"Sweet Loretta Fart, she thought she was a cleaner, but she was a frying pan ..."

So I've watched all three episodes of Get Back and loved it, loved it! Though it did reinforce my prevalent Beatle theory, which is that the group was two geniuses and two really lucky blokes.  

Because this is about the lads preparing for what would be their final live performance, looking at it through the prism of their breakup is inevitable. It's much more comprehensive than the 80-minute Let It Be documentary, and much kinder to Paul. He's shown here trying to hold the band together, not plotting to break them up.

It's George, I think, who comes off worst. Petulant, defensive and all-around unpleasant. It's understandable, I suppose. Those geniuses -- Paul and John -- are still a unit and they don't really let him in. They are more enthusiastic playing the songs they wrote together as young teens (like "I Lost My Little Girl") than George's new songs ("I, Me, Mine" and "For You, Blue"). It must have been hard to be relegated to the role of junior partner when he believed he had something to say.

Yoko didn't annoy me as much as I expected her to. Is this because she was a producer? Or was she simply a ubiquitous fly on the wall and nothing more? Linda is a pretty blonde counterpoint to Yoko, and it feels like she's only there because, well, John has his new girl there!

Ringo gets who he is in their hierarchy and, unlike George, seems to aspire to nothing more. He's comfortable in his own skin, happy to noodle the beginning of his new song ("Octopus' Garden") for his mates.

Get Back gives us a more positive Paul than Let It Be was. He clearly loved being in the studio with those guys. He wanted to get back before the fans. He wanted to maintain the whole "group" vibe, even though John is only intermittently engaged and George seems to be suffering from chronic Lennon/McCartney-induced dyspepsia. 

He is, of course, a human with flaws. And those flaws amused be because they are mine, too. We learn that Sir Paul:

•  loves a plan

•  resists change

•  admits "there's nothing to complain about," and then proceeds to complain anyway

I have grown up to be my Beatle!

Compassion Challenge -- Day 26

 I'm encouraged to participate in this November challenge with my church congregation.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

Yesterday, I kept my mouth shut.

I try to be sensitive to the homeless. I remember that they are people who have a much tougher life than I could endure. Sleeping outside, subject to crime and scorn. Facing uncertainty and illness. No, I don't subscribe for a moment to the theory that they're just "lazy."

But homeless people are people, and like any group of people, there are bad ones mixed in with the good. Here in town, we have a long-time homeless man who is a strange combination of entitled and mean. He doesn't respect your space when he asks for money. Now he's been panhandling around here for years, so I'm not afraid of him. But for people who don't know him, I imagine it's scary to have him in your face. Years ago -- before the pandemic -- he got a forever spot on my bad side because he actually tried to shame me for not giving him enough money. We were on the el platform and he asked me (as always, standing too close) for "money for a sandwich." I took the dime and nickels from my pocket and handed them to him.

"I can't buy a sandwich with this!" he shouted, going on to tell my fellow commuters, "I asked her for money for a sandwich, and she gives me a quarter!"

First of all, I would never give away my quarters. I need them for laundry! Secondly, what the ever loving hell?

"The correct response," I said icily, "would be 'thank you.' It's not my responsibility to buy you a sandwich." A much nicer person than I will ever be said, "I got you, Buddy," and gave him a dollar bill. 

Every time he's begun to approach me, ever since, wherever we are, I remind him of that day. "Remember this face," I always tell him. "I'm the woman you insulted on the el platform because I didn't give you enough. I will never help you." 

There are enough people who need my help, want my help, and don't try to guilt or extort my help. I won't waste my time, energy or money by giving one of my blessings bags* to him.

ANYWAY (it's taken me a long while to get to present day, hasn't it?) yesterday I saw him again. He was on the corner in front of the bank, yelling at the streetlight and throwing something -- turns out it was dry Ramen noodles -- at the button you press for the WALK light. He was really mad at that button. The light had changed, and changed back, but he wouldn't stop scolding it.

He was clearly having some sort of break. I kept walking. I encountered a pair of cops in front of Target. I was going to tell them about the homeless man, and then I didn't.

Maybe they would have helped him, and his life would be better for it. Or maybe they would have arrested him, which could have upset and frightened him. I don't know.

I do know what was in my heart, though. It wasn't help for him. It was more punitive. I wanted him off the street. I wanted to be rid of his embarrassing display. He was an eyesore. 

Since my motivation was far from altruistic, I kept my mouth shut. It was a busy Black Friday. I wasn't the only one who saw him. Let a kinder person, a person without our baggage, help him. Because I think intent matters, and my intent would have been unkind.

Compassion for all, even him. Maybe especially him.

  

*I always carry ziplock bags containing a clean mask, a package of tissues, a breakfast bar and a $1 bill. Sometimes I include cough drops or a comb. Depends on what's on the shelves at The Dollar Store.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Black Velvet (1989)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

 

1) This song was chosen because yesterday was Black Friday, the traditional day of sales. Have you begun your Christmas shopping? I'm almost done! It's a habit I picked up from my mom: when you see something that's perfect, snap it up, regardless of the month. Go by the gift, not by the calendar. I'm glad I did because Hanukkah is really early this year (begins 11/28) and I have a gift I've got to get into the mail pronto. 

 

2)  Was there an adult beverage served with your Thanksgiving feast? I had a margarita. One of my friends had beer, the other ordered Prosecco.

 

3) Did any pets enjoy scraps from your Thanksgiving table? Nope. I ate out with friends.

 

4) Are there any Thanksgiving leftovers in your refrigerator right now? Nope. I very nearly cleaned my plate and ended up in a food coma.

5) Football is a popular Thanksgiving weekend pastime. Will you be watching any games over the next few days? If yes, which team(s) are you rooting for? I don't do football. I'm too busy following internet chatter about where my favorite (ouch! former) Cubs, Anthony Rizzo and Kris Bryant, will play next year.

 

6) This week's song is by Canadian Alannah Myles. She was born Alannah Byles (with a B), but changed her name to differentiate herself from her father. He was influential in Canadian broadcasting and she didn't want to be accused of riding his coattails. Have you ever received a professional leg up from a relative? Nope.

 

7) In Canada, Thanksgiving is celebrated on the second Monday in October. Instead of pumpkin pie, Canadians traditionally enjoy butter tarts for dessert. What dessert was on your Thanksgiving menu? They ran out of pumpkin pie so I had cheesecake. It was a mistake. Not because it wasn't good -- it was delicious -- but it put me into a food coma. I guess butternut bisque, light/dark turkey meat, hot apples, green beans, stuffing and mashed potatoes were enough. Plenty!

 

8) "Black Velvet" is a tribute to Elvis. Songwriter Christopher Ward said he was inspired by a trip to Memphis, long after Elvis' death, where he spoke to The King's fans and was touched by how much they still loved their favorite singer. Who is your favorite singer?

Looking forward to reading his lyrical memoir

 

I admit it's jarring to see him as he is today because I've been watching Get Back, another view of the making of Let It Be.

9) Share a memory from Thanksgiving 2020. I had a frozen turkey dinner alone. 2021 was such an improvement! I'm so thankful for that triple shot of Pfizer.

 60s Barbie and I hope you're having a lovely Thanksgiving weekend.

A moment of gratitude

There's a lot worrying me these days. Our building may need substantial, expensive work. Or maybe it doesn't. We're awaiting information from the local government about structural problems with the building next door. It could be that their issues have nothing to do with us, but if they do and if it's warranted we're going to commission an architectural study, and if that study reveals problems, we'll have to investigate the scope and expense of repairs. That's a lot of "ifs" right there. That's a lot of "wait and see." I'm not built for "ifs" and "wait and see," so I'm anxious and obsessed and scared.

I'm upset about the fire. (See post below.) It not only makes me sad for the people who lost their livelihoods and homes, it fuels my feelings of impermanence and danger, right here in my own home. 

But it's Thanksgiving. I don't want to lose sight of the blessings of today because of worry about "if" and "wait and see."

•  First of all, I'm getting together with John and Gregory for our Friendsgiving feast. Because of covid, we were on our own last year and it was sad. So I'm thankful the three of us all are all triple-shot, that President Biden is leading us with science and not tales of hydroxychloroquine and bleach remedies, and that our neighborhoods and nation are coming out of our coronavirus cocoon.

•  I feel good. Nerves and worry aside, I'm rather strong. Two of my friends -- contemporaries! -- actually use canes on a regular basis. Not this gal. I'm grateful for that.

•  I can afford care. I have a doctor I trust and thanks to my insurance, I talk to a shrink regularly to help me deal with the nerves and worry. Not everyone can afford these things.

•  My niece and nephew are both happy. I love those two to the moon and back, and I'm happy that they're settling well into adulthood. My niece is not only happy with her new husband (one year in October), she has been accepted by his vast and loving family. This is important to me, because she and her mother (my sister) have clashed mightily over the years and I'm glad she has this support. It has also somehow alleviated the stress between mother and daughter, which makes me happy. My nephew is about to graduate from college and tells me has "exciting" news to share with me in a few weeks when he's home for Christmas break. Since patience is not a virtue I possess, I want to know NOW but he says he has to see my face when he tells me. Does he have a good job lined up? Does he have a girl to introduce me to? Is he changing his career path to teaching? Does he have an autographed Anthony Rizzo baseball? Whatever it is, I'm grateful that he's happy and wants to share his joy with me.

•  Roy Hobbs has integrated himself into our household. I still miss Reynaldo with my whole heart, but that's the thing about hearts -- they can expand to allow more love in. While he and my Connie Cat are not yet buddies, they co-exist very comfortably and she seems to like having him here. For his part, he's settled in and is quite happy. (Though he finds every closed cabinet and door a challenge.)

•  I'm happier at work than I've been in years. My new boss, Aaron, and I have been clashing lately and you know what? It's good and healthy. We respect one another and appreciate one another. A new experience for me! I have help now, too. Rita just started on Monday. She's madly enthusiastic and eager to take as much off my plate as I'll give her. (Of course, as luck would have it, much of the crunch ended on the very day she started. Isn't that how life works?)

•  I have friends, real and cyber. For the ones in my life, and for the ones who comment on this blog (I read them; thank you!), I am so grateful.

•  I'm still a fan girl. I'm going to watch the first installment of Get Back today before I go off to meet John and Gregory. I'm so grateful that the Lads still bring me joy after all these decades, and feel sorry for people who don't have a similar passion in their lives.

 

I feel better for having written this. So I'm grateful God gave me the gift of words, and I'm thankful to everyone who reads them.

 

Sad today

There was a major fire just blocks from me. It started in the kitchen of my favorite most breakfast place and destroyed it. The two apartments above it are gone, too. They were tiny, affordable apartments, one rented by a waitress, the other shared by a brother/sister pair of college students. Those three people are now homeless.

The nail salon next door is closed for the foreseeable future because of extensive water and smoke damage. My favorite pizza place (next to the salon) may reopen today. The movie theater on the other side of the restaurant -- a very sturdy structure dating back to the 1930s -- expects to reopen today after mitigating the smoke damage.

I love my breakfast place. Not only do they have the best eggs benedict, the owner is a smart and genuinely good business woman. She worked so hard to keep her wait and kitchen staff employed, even when the dining room had to be closed due to covid. Through Facebook, she offered to do your shopping for you. She put together boxes of fresh vegetables and fruit along with paper towels and paper napkins, using her professional suppliers to help her customers stock their pantries even when grocery store shelves were empty. She paid her waitresses to fill the boxes and bring them out to cars. How imaginative! What a good boss!

She made it through the worst of it, and now her business is gone. A GoFundMe was started for the restaurant, and she told the organizer that she would give the first $10,000 to pay her wait and kitchen staff.

I love my movie theater. It's an art deco movie palace that's been on this very spot since the dawn of talkies. I'm so grateful it will be OK.

Compassion Challenge -- Day 23

I'm encouraged to participate in this November challenge with my church congregation.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

Tuesday, I revisited and recognized limitations.

My friend Kathy has cognitive issues. I don't know exactly what they are because she refuses to discuss them with a doctor. But she cannot keep a thought in her head.

I don't enjoy talking to her. She begins every conversation with, "I used to have trouble with my head, years ago, but it's better now." Then she proceeds to prove it isn't true. She interrupts a conversation by randomly asking who this or that person is. Did we work with him/her? She started to explain why she doesn't/can't watch TV -- even though she has accumulated several sets -- but lost her train of thought. She wanted to know where John, Gregory and I are dining for Thanksgiving and seemed surprised we were having turkey. I mentioned to her that my neighborhood (she used to live here, too) had suffered a major fire on main street Tuesday, destroying my favorite breakfast diner and damaging my beloved movie theater. She was dismissive.

This is sad and tiring, but I know she can't help it. I also know that fewer and fewer friends connect with her precisely because her conversations are sad and tiring, so I recognize my gestures matter.

But then she pissed me off. She has to move. Her landlord has sold the building she lives in. She told me she can't afford more than don't-feel-sorry-for-me-$750-a-month (that's how she said it each time) and wants to stay in Dekalb, a college town more than an hour away from Chicago.

"I couldn't find anything for don't-feel-sorry-for-me-$750-a-month in your neighborhood. But that's OK. Where you live is pretty soulless now."

"You'll be happy to know then that soulless main street was fucking destroyed today." 

"Oh, yeah. What's your condo worth now, anyway?"

Since the disparity between our finances has long bothered her, I try to avoid such conversations. First of all, it's not like I'm Melinda Gates. My condo needs new windows, new carpeting and a kitchen upgrade to get a competitive price. (That's what: $15,000 worth of work?) Secondly, I refuse to apologize for being a more successful writer than she was. Friends are supposed to support each other, be happy for one another. 

But last night I gave her a number. Then I got off the phone as soon as I could, telling her that I wished her a happy Thanksgiving and that I'd let John and Gregory know she asked about them and wants to hear from them. I tried to end it on a high note, even though I was upset.

I must remember that she can't help it. Her cognitive issues make it hard for her to keep track of conversations and exacerbate her less attractive qualities.

I shouldn't be so quick to anger, so snappish. She can't help it.

On the other hand, while I can't let myself off the hook for my impatience, I have to forgive myself for letting my temper get the better of me. I'm not perfect. But at least I call. John and Gregory don't bother. The four of us met nearly 40 years ago, and I honor that. I put in the time. When I fall short, I must do better. But I should also cut myself some slack. 

Compassion for her, and compassion for me.