June Challenge -- Day 20

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20. Talk about the first time learning about sex. My mom first introduced the topic when I was in first grade. She sat down on the side of the tub when I was bathing and tried to explain it. I was completely uninterested, fascinated as I was at that time with my fragrant tub toys from the Avon catalog. (I especially liked my pink whale that squirted shampoo from the blow hole.)

The thing I remember most about it was my mom's concluding line, that after mommies and daddies have sex they never talk about it -- not to anyone! I think she was afraid I'd give seminars at the playground. But still, it struck me as an odd thing to say, both then and now.

Welcome to the Big Leagues, Mr. Contreras!

His teammates all seem to adore Willson Contreras. The kid impressed everyone and made a lot of friends at spring training, and so there was a lot of excitement when he was called up late last week.

Tonight, he had his first major league at bat. Pinch hitting. Within the Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field. The Cubbie faithful gave him a standing ovation, just for being here. It was a sweet moment.

Then it got freaky wonderful. He hit a two-run home run! His first at bat! I mean, really!

The fans just gave him a standing o. Did I mention this was his first-ever game?

Magic. This season is magic.

A happy Father's Day memory

My late father didn't much like being a dad. We girls were too noisy, too unpredictable, too demanding of time and attention. We didn't appreciate the things he was interested in when we little. By the time we were older we didn't feel very connected to him, nor he to us. I remember him as forever angry, disillusioned and disappointed.

Which is why this particular Father's Day memory fills me with such warmth. There was a miniature golf course not far from my grandparents' house. It was 9 holes and, in retrospect, in terrible shape. Very rudimentary. No clown's mouth, no windmill. Yet I wanted to go every time we passed it. More often than not I would just watch it disappear as our car turned the corner.

Except a couple times every summer, my father would surprise us by pulling in. For some reason, this silly little hometown course brought out the best in him. When we played miniature golf, he was the patient, compassionate father I always wanted.

"Hit it over here," he'd explain, standing where he wanted me to aim, "and it will bounce where you want it to go." Then, when it was time for a short putt, he'd stand by the hole and frame it with his feet to help me focus.

Memories of the miniature golf course with my dad came back to me last weekend. As part of our family celebration of my niece's graduation, we went miniature golfing. It was the first time in a long, long, long time I thought to myself, "My dad would enjoy this."

Then I realized my nephew was wearing a Bernie Sanders t-shirt and knew that would make my dad shit a brick. "A Socialist!" But this is Father's Day, so let's just let my mind wander back to the 8th hole. The hardest one, because you had to maneuver straight between two (2!) water hazards. The sun is setting. The mosquitoes are coming out. But for once, my dad is not in a hurry.

"Take your time, Tiger," he'd say. And when my ball inevitably went into the drink, he'd fish it out for me and put it on the orange dot.

Sometimes we'd cheat on the 9th hole and just roll the ball in with our hands. Then my dad would run his fingers through my hair as we went to the whitewashed shack to turn in our clubs.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy.

The Creepy Continues

My 90-year old neighbor fantasizes about me. I am totally creeped out by this.

This unpleasant chapter began last month. My across-the-hall neighbor knocked on my door. I tried to talk to him through the chain but he insists on coming in because he has a problem of some sort that he doesn't want to discuss in the hall. Thinking he may be in some sort of peril -- after all, he's a senior citizen on his own -- I reluctantly let him in. I was in my bathrobe, which reaches to my ankles. I was more covered than I am at the beach or the health club.

Turns out his terrible problem is his Comcast bill. As I review it, he tells me I look sexy. I told him that made me "uncomfortable" and ask him to leave. The next day he slipped a note under my door, apologizing and taking responsibility. I thought this was in the past.

More than a week ago, someone was insistently ringing my bell pre-dawn. Our intercom is broken, so I grabbed the robe and started downstairs to see who it was. (Another neighbor's daughter who couldn't reach her mother so tried me instead.) Walt had been wandering the halls, waiting for the paperboy, and saw me in my robe. My gray flannel, ankle length robe.

He left a note under my door, detailing that after he saw me in the hall he took a nap and dreamed of kissing me. How at first I resisted but then gave in.

EW! ICK!

I wrote: THIS IS UNWELCOME. PLEASE STOP! and returned it to the area in front of his door.

I dearly, dearly hope this ends it.

After the Orlando shooting I changed my Facebook avatar to this:

I do try to live this. I do want to lead a more Christian life. I do try to remind myself that everyone is just doing the best he/she can.

But it's hard when you don't feel relaxed in your own home. I'm pissed at Walt for being such a filthy old pig. I really am.

Sunday Stealing

A nice photo for Father's Day

Sunday Stealing: The Jackals Meme

Question 1: Who is your favorite Musical Artist? This weekend's birthday boy, Sir Paul McCartney.

Question 2: What is your favorite album by that Artist? This is so hard. If absolutely forced to, I'd choose the Beatles' White Album.

Question 3: Who is your Favorite Blogger? Kwizgiver. I feel like I know her, and yet we've never met.

Question 4: If you could meet anyone (dead or alive), who would it be and what is interesting about them? My all-time idol, Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. No one has ever made intelligence and steel strength look so feminine. I have so many questions to ask her! Most of all, I'd like to know where her strength came from, and how she managed to make an often very painful life look so enviable and graceful.

Question 5: What did you want to be when you grew up? It changed often. But when I was in high school I settled on journalist.

Question 6: What is the most interesting piece of Trivia that you know? Abraham Lincoln and Tom Hanks are related. On Abe's maternal and Tom's paternal sides.

Gibbs!

Question 7: If you could live in any point of history when would it be and why? The 1860s. I think it was a romantic, turbulent time. Of course, I'd want to 1) live out West where there was no Civil War and 2) be able to come back to air conditioning when the weather got hot.

Question 8: What do you think of the election in the U.S. so far? "I'm with her." And all things considered, I'm good with that.

Question 9: What is your favorite TV drama? What do you like about it? NCIS. Him.

Question 10: What is the most interesting job you've ever had? In the marketing department of a major haircare company. Loved the work! I learned about polypeptide chains and how products work on our hair and skin. It was fascinating.

Question 10: What is the most interesting job you've ever had?

June Challenge -- Bringing It Up to Date

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16. If you could go into an alternate universe, where would you go and what would it look like? This is hard for me because I don't like fantasy or scifi. Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter simply do not interest me. So instead I'd like to revisit a Nanowrimo I wrote years ago, imagining my life at 50 with each of the men I loved and thought I wanted to be with forever. It was a very enlightening exercise. Playing it out in my head, I had to admit that none of the scenarios was particularly comfortable for me. If I'm honest with myself, I realize that my life's turned out exactly the way it was always supposed to.

17.  What can you guarantee will always be there?

18.  What’s your passion? Books and cats. :)

19.  Write a letter to yourself in 30 years. I hope that, at age 86, you're still independent and cognizant. Otherwise, I hope you're not still here.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Papa, Don't Preach (1986) 

1) Madonna has sold more than 200 million records worldwide. Do you have any of her songs on your iPod/mp3 player/phone? I have her recording of Santa Baby on my holiday playlist. Other than that, I'm really not a fan.

2) When she first arrived in New York in search of fame and fortune, Madonna supported herself by working at Dunkin' Donuts. What did you order last time you were at Dunkin' Donuts? Love the chocolate eclairs!

3) Madonna and her first husband, Sean Penn, ended their marriage on New Year's Eve, 1988. Sam's New Year's Eves are never that dramatic. What about you? Do you have any vivid New Year's Eve memories you'd like to share? My first new year's eve in Key West, I watched the shell drop at midnight. I'm glad I did it, because it's a very conch thing to do. But it was an unruly crowd -- I was literally sprayed with champagne -- so I'm also glad I know not to do it again.

 
4) Madonna admits she suffers from brontophobia, aka the fear of storms. Are you scared of thunder and lightening? Nope.

5) Onstage during the 2015 Coachella fest, Madonna shocked the audience by planting a kiss square on the lips of much-younger rapper Drake. What's something that surprised you recently? I gave a big presentation on Thursday and before we got started, our client approached me and hugged me. "Gal's here!" I was surprised. It lifted my spirits, of course, and probably made me even better in front of the group, but I was surprised by the demonstration.

6) More recently, Madonna was at the center of a controversy because Prince fans didn't like her tribute at the Billboard Music Awards. They made themselves heard on social media. Was your last Facebook post or Tweet positive or negative? Neither. It was sad. A former coworker is going through a bad time and I just expressed by support for her and her family.

7) One of the things Sam's papa preaches about is car maintenance. He reminds her to check her car's air filter regularly, because a dirty filter can reduce mileage. Share your own car maintenance tip with us. No car

8) When she was growing up, Sam's father was often away on business. He always remembered to bring back the complimentary shampoos, conditioners and lotions from the hotels where he stayed. When will you next stay in a hotel (or motel, bed-and-breakfast or Airbnb room)? In August, when I get together with my oldest friend to celebrate her birthday.

9) To celebrate Father's Day, Sam is giving away her father's favorite candy: LifeSavers. Would you prefer a roll of Wild Cherry, Butter Rum, Winter Green or Peppermint? Winter Green

Happy Birthday!

Today is James Paul McCartney's 74th birthday. He's spending it on the road, playing 2-hour+ outdoor arena shows in the summer heat. I am in awe. I've been at those shows and am exhausted when they're over. I don't know how he does it.

But I'm grateful he still can.

Before Muhammad Ali's death, I read that -- along with Barack Obama -- Ali and Sir Paul were the most recognized men on the planet. Looked at that way, he really has no peers.

But I found myself thinking of His Lordship a lot as I read the two wonderful, massive Sinatra biographies by James Kaplan. Frank Sinatra is certainly his peer. In addition to an astonishing and genuinely moving musical and film career, Frank Sinatra had a tempestuous personal life, littered with a staggering number of lovers and exploded friendships and brushes with the Feds over his mob connections.

Elvis is certainly his peer. And Paul's greatest single musical influence. The only King America has ever produced. Dead at 42, Elvis was also a genuine American tragedy.

There's John, of course. Paul's friend and partner. Yin to his yang. Murdered at 40. But even if John hadn't stopped to sign that autograph on that December night more than 35 years ago, do any of us believe he'd still be on the road, making new music and thrilling new generations of fans? I'm afraid I don't. Like Sinatra and Elvis, John was plagued by demons. Rages and addictions. An estranged son. A battered ex-wife. A weakness for women, for groupies, for flatterers. Like Sinatra, John Lennon had a sharp intellect, an insatiable curiosity, and perhaps too great a sensitivity to easily deal with this world.

And then there's Paul. Married 29 years to The Lovely Linda. At her funeral -- after a grueling battle with cancer, after decades together, after raising four children -- a tearful Paul said, "She was my girlfriend. I lost my girlfriend." I find that enormously touching. Now married five years to Nancy. Even during the tabloid circus nightmare of his marriage to Heather Mills, there were never rumors of infidelity. His four adult children are all out in the world, living artistic and productive lives. He is a grandfather.

He's avoided the addictions and promiscuity that bedeviled Sinatra and Elvis and John. In addition to the songs that have become anthems of love for generations, he has exhibited a strength of character that deserves attention and applause.

Happy Birthday, dear Paul. Happy Birthday to you. And, please, many more.

June Challenge -- Days 14 and 15

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14. What do you notice when you're casually observing people? I take public transportation a lot, and I like to see how my fellow commuters while away the time. Talking to one another, talking on their phones, texting on their phones, reading books, occasionally dozing off ... no one (but me) reads the newspaper on the train anymore, and no one flips through magazines.

15. What would you say to Michael Jackson? First of all, this is a very odd question. But secondly, I'd ask him how he could have screwed Sir Paul over like that. Buying the Beatles catalog out from under his "friend" was a crappy thing for Michael Jackson to do.

Let's start with the good

My niece graduated last Friday. Cum laude! I'm so terribly proud of her.

My sister and brother-in-law were hit very hard by the Recession. Plus, neither of them went on to college. He is a maintenance man, she is a lunch mom at the grammar school she once attended. Consequently they were not especially supportive. They didn't get in my niece's way, but they didn't help, either.

My late mother, while very proud of my niece's grades, didn't encourage her either. She didn't want her granddaughter to go away to school because she imagined the girl would get homesick. This amused me, because it was obvious my niece couldn't wait to get away and be independent. But it made me mad because it was my mother's fear talking. My mother was born, lived and died in the same suburb -- all white, predominantly Protestant, with a population that has hovered around 20,000 for my entire life. That village was her entire life, she was afraid of/incurious about the world outside of it, and didn't want her granddaughter to venturing too far away.

For my part, I pushed my niece toward Kendall. It's Chicago's top culinary college, it has a national reputation, and it would have exposed my niece to the city's premier restaurateurs. In my way, I was as wrong as my mother was. I wanted my niece to follow the path I took. I've always loved The Big City, and can't imagine living anywhere smaller than Boston or maybe Washington, DC. That's what I wanted for my niece. Of course, it's not what she wanted for herself.

She did the research, she got the grant money and the recommendations, she visited the campuses. It came down to Kendall and CIM at Baker College in Muskegon. Kendall was offering her the most money, but it was more expensive. She'd have to live at home. So she chose CIM at Baker. She needed space. She wanted to forge her own identity.

She did it! She got good grades, going to school year-round while juggling part-time jobs -- waitress in the winter, attendant at the miniature golf course in summer. She earned that diploma.

After the ceremony, we met her faculty adviser. He thanked her parents and me for helping shape "this wonderful young woman." To her credit, my sister said it before I could: "She did it on her own."

I had a terrible time during this trip, though. It represented one of the lonelier 24 hours of my life. Because I was with my family, and I don't especially like my family. More about that some other time. This realization makes me too sad, and up until now that has been such a happy post.

June Challenge-- Playing Catch Up

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That's me on the left

10. What are your bad habits? I'm a slob and a packrat. Because of the burgeoning bug problem, I haven't been able to donate my stuff when I part with it. I've had to throw it away. It's very hard for me. For once I arrive home, I hate doing work of any kind, and housework is by its very name "work." And because I hate waste. Throwing away a bag of t-shirts that were still wearable caused me nearly physical pain. And I have very low standards. As long as no one sees how I live, I truly don't care.

11. What do you think is something worth dying for? To save something smaller and more vulnerable. Though I must admit this was a hard one to answer. Nothing came instantly to mind.

12. What would you say is your biggest fear in general? Air travel! I'm very proud that I made it to and from Muskegon this past weekend without the assistance of Xanax.

13. If you could change one thing about the world, what would you change and why? I would want the United States to wake up and institute common sense gun laws. That whole argument about how the way to stop a bad guy with a gun is for a good guy to have a gun was proven wrong this past weekend. An armed, uniformed off-duty policeman didn't stop a mad man from mowing down over 100 people. What will it take to wake us up?