Sunday Stealing

OLOGY

MOUTHOLOGY
What is your least favorite salad dressing? I don't like the thin, vinegary ones
What is your least favorite fast food restaurant? Chipotle
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? I love my little neighborhood coffee shops
On average, what would cause you to flirt with the server? Nothing
What food could you eat every day just to "get along"? You mean, to survive? Chicken soup.
What pizza toppings would make you hurl? None. I mean, I'd rather just remove them with my fingers than puke.

If you're here, order the manicotti

What food is likely to get you "in the mood..."? The manicotti at LaCantina. It's so warm, so smooth ... Sigh.
What is your favorite type of gum to get off your shoe? I'm afraid it's all the same to me.

TECHNOLOGY 
Number of contacts you'd never let your significant other see on your cell phone? Don't know how to answer this because 1) I don't have a significant other and 2) if I did, I don't know why he'd have an occasion to check my phone anyway.
Number of contacts in your email address book that are exes? None
Do you judge others about the wallpaper on their computer? I note it, but it's certainly not a deal breaker.

Miss you!

What is your favorite technology from the past that is now obsolete? My original, old-school iPod
Do you have stuff on your computer that you'd never want someone to see? Yes

BIOLOGY 
Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right handed
Do you like your smile? It's too gummy
What's your best feature? My eyes
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Yes
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? Smell
When was the last time you had a cavity? It's been years
What is the heaviest item you lifted last? 10-lb. jug of litter
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? No

BULLCRAPOLOGY 
If you could, would you wanna know the day you were going to die? No
Is love for real? Yes
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? Melinda Moorepark Tentrees
What color do you think looks best on you? Teal
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? Yes
Have you ever saved someone's life? Kinda. I went with my friend Kathleen to the hospital when she went into labor with her daughter. At admission, they asked her if she'd eaten in the last four hours. She said "no," but I reminded her of the chicken satay she'd absent mindedly munched on. That little recollection was important in case she needed anesthesia.
Has someone ever saved yours? Not that I know of.

DAREOLOGY 
Would you walk naked down a public street for $100,000? No
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Yes
Would you cut off one of your little fingers for $200,000? No
Would you never blog again for $50,000? Yes
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? No. Also, magazines don't offer that kind of money for that anymore anyway. Not when you can see free photos of JLaw online.
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? No
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? No

DUMBOLOGY 
What is in your left pocket? No pockets
Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house? Carpet
Do you sit or stand in the shower? Stand
Could you live with roommates? No
How many pairs of flip flops do you own? None. I hate that between-the-toes thing
Where were you born? Elgin, IL
Last time you had a run-in with the cops? About 10 years ago, a cop yelled at me for jay walking (control your shock and disappointment)
What do you want to be when you grow up? Taller

LASTOLOGY 
Friend you talked to? Barb
Last person you called? Barb
Person you hugged? Barb
All of the above happened at the same meeting. I called to ask if she was running late (she was), then she told me about her health woes and I gave her a hug.

FAVORITOLOGY 
Number? 7
Color? Blue
Season? Autumn

CURRENTOLOGY 
Missing someone? Sorta
 Mood? Unsettled
Listening to? MLK (documentary on CNN)
Watching? See above
Worrying about? My cat Joey. He's very old and has chronic health problems. Yet he seems happy. I aim to keep him that way.

RANDOMOLOGY 
First place you went this morning? Coffee shop

Miss you, too

What can you not wait to do? Eat cheese. My doctor advised me to avoid dairy until the end of the month.
What's the last movie you saw? Brooklyn. (See post below) It's delightful. Go see it.
When was the last time you got caught cheating? It's been a very long time.
Are you a sexy person? Sure, in that I like sex (at least as I recall it)
Now that the survey's (or meme) done what are you going to do? Go to sleep

Now this is more like it

I saw my favorite Oscar movie this afternoon. Brooklyn.

I loved it.

Character driven and affectionate, it had me from the first frames and never let me go. A girl lives in a tiny Irish village that holds no opportunity for her. With her mother's and especially her older sister's support, she heads to America to find her fortune.

She is overwhelmed, of course. But she's a good girl, in every sense of the word, and she gets a lot of support from the other immigrants, the other Catholics, the other young women she encounters along the way.

She faces a moral dilemma during the second half of the movie that broke my heart. I so wanted Ellis to do the right thing! Yet I completely understood her conflict.

What was at stake for Ellis wasn't as big and dramatic as the conflicts portrayed in Carol or The Big Short. Yet in the hands of this director and this cast. Ellis' conflict was far, far more engaging.

See this adorable little gem, any way you can.

Walking the walk

There's an evangelical Free Church in my community that has captured my attention and admiration. For they seem to be more about love than judgement or self promotion. Today, seeing their good works first hand in my neighborhood touched my heart.

It was 17º this fine, bright Saturday. Dangerously cold. Yet many of us still had to get to work, which entails waiting on a freezing el platform. Train stations are also relatively safe places for the homeless to go for shelter.

I stopped by the station to add value to my train pass. And there was the Free Church, handing out Blistex, hot coffee, Hershey's kisses and (best of all) gloves free to anyone who wanted them. Everyone who walked by was encouraged to partake, thereby eliminating embarrassment or stigma felt by anyone who really needed the handout. (They actually thanked me for taking my freebie.) The congregants manning the tables were happy and friendly and full of love.

Slipping my free tube of Blistex into my pocket, I looked around for a sign promoting a cause or an organization. Was this my village at work? The local Dunkin Donuts, perhaps? Finally I asked a gentleman who I should thank.

"Free Church," he said with a smile, squeezing my arm.

WHAT? No address was posted. No times of service advertised. No place to leave a donation. No literature. Just a smile, a greeting and material comfort for all on a frigid morning.

The aid they provided, and the sensitivity they served it with, felt so Christ like to me.

So I took a nap

I'm eating again. YEA! But my gut issues are not yet over.

I've eaten such a bland diet for so long (46 days) that my body has to work very hard to process foods that contain fiber. Thursday I had fresh watermelon. Friday I added a few slices of fresh peach. Saturday I had wheat toast. And no diarrhea. I was happy.

Saturday at about 5:00 I felt like this. Just going to the bathroom made me so tired I took a nap! And half the recommended adult dose of laxative. It seemed weird to take Dulcolax when I'd been battling the opposite problem for so long, but my body seems to need a digestion primer.

http://www.letstalkconstipation.com/living/

The specialist I saw Tuesday told me it would take two weeks for things to get back to normal. It's only been 4 days. I shouldn't expect too much of myself. With PI-IBS, my digestive tract is bruised and needs time. I must be patient.

 

Saturday 9

Love Story

1) The very popular tagline for this movie is, "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Here's your chance to rewrite it. "Love means _____________________." Love means being present. Today everyone seems to be multi-tasking all the time. You should focus on the ones you love.

2) The movie was famous for a montage of the lovers frolicking in the snow. Do you enjoy sledding, skating, skiing, snowball fights, snowmen, etc.? Or do you just want spring to hurry up and get here? I'm not against winter. It's just that this one has been so meh. If we aren't going to have crisp, bright days with lots of shiny white snow, then I want spring.

3) In the movie, Oliver asks his father for $5,000. The money is required for wife Jenny's hospital treatment, but Oliver is too proud to tell his father why he needs it. Adjusted for inflation, $5,000 in 1970 is $30,000 today. How much would you be willing to lend a friend or family member without knowing the reason? For me the amount wouldn't depend on the reason. I'd decide based on the borrower's ability to pay it back ... and how long I could comfortably do without it. I wouldn't feel right about charging a friend interest, and I'm not a wealthy woman. Now that I think about it, I'd rather give a smaller gift than a larger loan. That would be easier for me and the friendship.

4) In the movie, Jenny is the daughter of a baker who owns a little shop in Cranston, Rhode Island. Think of the last baked goods you consumed. Were they home made? Did you buy them from a bakery, the grocery store, or a coffee shop, like Starbucks? Yesterday I had a slice of cake in the office cafeteria.

5) In 1970, when the movie was first released, California's First Lady Nancy Reagan said she liked it but was upset to hear Ali MacGraw's character swear. What's the curse word you use most often? (Feel free to spell it with *'s, in case Nancy Reagan stops by Sat. 9). I use the word "fuck" a lot because it's so versatile.

6) Now 75, Ali MacGraw has let her famous hair go gray. She says she's glad to "look like a grown up." Do you feel your age? Or older or younger than your years? I can't believe I'm as old as I am. Some days my body reminds me of the fact.

7) MacGraw and her Love Story co-star Ryan O'Neal are currently on tour in the play, Love Letters, and they're drawing big crowds of fans who remember them in their famous film. Tell us of another movie couple you felt had romantic chemistry. Myrna Loy and William Powell. They were delightful, elegant and made marriage so sexy as Nick and Nora in The Thin Man series.

 

8) Red is the signature color of Valentine's Day. Are you wearing red right now? Nope. I'm wearing a lilac nightshirt.

9) Because Valentine's Day is such a big day for chocolate ... would you prefer a large, solid milk chocolate heart or a small box of four assorted chocolates? I'd like the assortment, please.

 

Life is a cabaret, old chum!

"... And as the election season heats up, it's always instructive to think about the consequences of dancing while fast asleep." So ends the Chicago Tribune review of this latest production of Cabaret. I saw it Wednesday night and can't stop thinking about it. It was awesome, entertaining, disturbing and yes, in this Year of Trump, extremely relevant.

It's easy to see how Trump's free-wheeling, "Look, Ma! No hands!" style might be exhilarating in a world where everyone else seems scripted and focus group-tested. And maybe that giddiness allows people to overlook his casual cruelty about those with disabilities, his disrespect and bullying of his opponents, and his demonizing Muslims.

Except that all has real-life, long-ranging and unintended consequences. Once fear and hate are unleashed, they are hard to control.

Here's Joel Grey, Emcee in the film version of Cabaret, performing "If You Could See Her Through My Eyes." It's not subtle, but it's a powerful distillation of the message of the play. I can't stop thinking about it, and I hope -- I really want to believe -- that we're better than this.

Health on the Homefront

Updates on me and Joe.

Joey. Every time he hears my key in the door, he trots on over to greet me, tail held high. Last night I dumped my laptop bag on the tile floor and Joey found this thrilling, right there beside me as I rifled through the contents. And he still enjoys cuddles and meals and snacks. Yes, he's dying. He continues to lose weight and he's quite wobbly at times. But I am satisfied that he is still a happy cat. As long as his life gives him pleasure, I'm determined to let him enjoy it.

Moi. As the specialist advised, I've begun adding foods to my diet, day by day. Wednesday I had fresh vegetables for the first time this year. They were in a big bowl of vegetable soup, and I loved the the peas and celery and spinach. Today I had Lean Cuisine spaghetti with meat sauce (but alas, still no cheese). My first Lean Cuisine of the year. I dearly loved the taste of beef. Hopefully my gut welcomes these additions.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW.WEDNESDAY is back! To participate, and to see how others responded, click here.

1. What are you currently reading?  Sinatra: The Chairman by James Kaplan. I just cracked it open Tuesday night at bedtime, so I shall have to reserve comment. But I dearly loved the first volume of Kaplan's epic Sinatra biography, so I'm really looking forward to finishing the story.

2. What did you recently finish reading? White Collar Girl by Renee Rosen. What an original little novel! Set in the Chicago Tribune newsroom of the late 1950s and early 1960s, it takes on sisterhood, changing women's roles, and in a neat but painful twist, resurrects the question raised to the women of Man Men: "Are you a Jackie or a Marilyn?"

It's also the story of a family grappling with loss. And it's a compelling look at the Chicago of those days, and the long-ago Richter scale scandals whose aftershocks we're still feeling today.

Something about it bugged me, though: poor fact checking. 

•  Working on one of her first news stories, our heroine visits a building in the 60610 zip code. Today that's the right code, but zips weren't used in 1959. 

•  One of the characters plays Tennessee Ernie Ford's hit "16 Candles" on the jukebox. The thing of it is, he had a hit with "16 Tons," not "16 Candles."

Disconcerting to encounter such sloppy editing in a story about a meticulous, ambitious girl reporter.

3.  What will you read next? I don't know.

It's got a name!

Post infectious IBS. That's what I have! It's such a relief to know what it is and how we're going to treat it.

Seems my gut has been battered by my bout with c. diff, leaving my digestive tract super sensitive and out of whack. Instead of being infected or irritated, it's rather bruised. I'm recovering more slowly than the average c. diff sufferer, but this is not unheard of. The doctor says I should add foods back to my diet slowly, take Imodium when I need it, keep up with the probiotic, and within the next two weeks, this should be a memory. YEA!

At that point, just to make sure everything is A-OK, I need to have my second-ever colonoscopy. I am not thrilled by this prospect. Not because of the procedure itself -- it's really much ado about nothing. But because it's a day off work and I have to figure out how to get home from the hospital (as they won't just let me leave and get into a cab).

I'm very glad to have seen the specialist today. It's taken 48 days, three doctors, and four tests (with another in the offing),  but finally I'm on the track to wellness.

Sunday Stealing

Carry A Tune Meme 

Do you own a tablet of any kind?  Kindle Fire. I don't use it very much.

What’s something people always assume about you that isn’t true? That I'm a divorcee. For some reason, "lifelong spinster" is not a designation people assign me.

On a scale of 1-10, how much do elevators scare you? Negative 2. I don't even notice being on elevators anymore.

When you’re upset, do you vent to people or do you keep to yourself? Yes. I mean, I find both therapeutic.
 
Have you ever watched a meteor shower? No.

 Do you tend to put things off until the last minute? Yes

How do you react to random strangers suddenly trying to make conversation with you? With trepidation.

Do you have a lucky number? 7

Would you go out to dinner with Oprah? Yes, because she'd buy.

Did you ever play sports? No

Do you feel guilty if you throw food away? Yes

Do you think you could make it as a baker? No

Are you one of those people who are wearing scarves with everything? No

Have you ever been in a castle? Yes
 
When you were little, did you ever play with Playdoh? Of course!

 
Would you rather write a mystery or love story? How about a mystery with a compelling romantic angle? Those are the best.

 
Tell me about your worst fashion mistake: In the 1980s I wore too much eye makeup and too much neon. The 1980s were all about "too much."

Do you hate it when people smoke around you? Yes.

How are you wearing your hair right now? Every which way. I just got out of bed.
 
When’s the last time you were sick? I'm currently sick. Battling a rather tenacious stomach ailment.

 
Would you rather have OJ or milk with your breakfast? Juice! Though with my bland diet, I'm not allowed either. Which makes me sad.
 
What were you doing thirty minutes ago? Touching up my pedi. It's looking rough.

Though it looks more red on my shirt

 
Do you own any school related clothing articles? My niece just finished at CIM (Culinary Institute of Michigan) and during her time there I've collected a couple school-branded shirts and an umbrella.
 
Would you rather call people or have them call you? I'd rather call them.

 
Can you carry a tune? Not even in a bucket

Who was the last person who unexpectedly texted you? My friend Mindy

Who do you text the most? Probably coworkers. Usually saying, "I'm running late but I'm on my way!"

Not even the lead story

On Thursday, an entire family was found dead in this very ordinary looking bungalow. Six people snuffed out. Two were children.

At first the rumor was that it was a murder- suicide. On Friday, the coroner confirmed that every member of this family had been murdered, no signs of suicide.

The murderers are still out there. So far, no suspects or "persons of interest" have been mentioned by the police.

This evening, it wasn't the top news story. It wasn't even the top crime story. Two people were shot this afternoon on bucolic sounding Cypress Drive in suburban Bolingbrook and two Gary high school football players were shot this evening.

Dear God! We're now living in a world where six murders in one household can be old news in less than 72 hours. I don't know what to do with all my disgust and horror.

I did plenty of nothin'

Every weekend I intend to accomplish soooo much. And today, I did none of it. (OK, I have done laundry and dishes and grocery shopped, but that doesn't begin to make a dent in the mess that is my condo.)

Usually when I'm this lazy, I get mad at myself. But not today. Because most of today I spent observing Joey. After being my fur buddy for 17 years, I feel like I owe him this level of affection and attention as his life ends.

He stares a lot, because I don't think he can see well anymore. He wobbles as he gets up or settles in, because of his debilitating arthritis. He sleeps a lot, but then even as a young gun he liked his naps. But he doesn't get on furniture anymore unless I put him there. No more jumping for Joe.

At about 1:00 today, I'd decided that it was time to say good bye. I was going to call the vet and make an appointment to put him down on Tuesday. And then something funny happened ...

I took my jewelry off, looping my rings onto my watchband for safekeeping. When they clanged together, Joey brightened and slapped at the watch. I got out the laser pointer and damn if he didn't chase it for a moment. So his life does still have joy in it. And I don't think he would move like that if he was in pain.

So I'm not putting him down just yet. I have quit giving him his blood pressure/vision meds. As I said, I think his vision is gone already and getting dosed frightens him. The sad truth is that he's not going to live much longer, with the medicine or without, so let's spare each other that.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Sorry

1) This song is a plea for a second chance. Are you good at forgiving/forgetting? I forgive but I never forget. I'm not proud of this. I'm just being honest.

2) Justin asks his girl to "forget this." What have you done/said recently that you wish could just be forgotten? I had a terrible time Friday evening, trying to pay at the self-service kiosk at CVS. It was an annoying way to end a long week.

3) Mr. Bieber says he needs just 6 hours sleep every night. How about you? How much sleep do you require to feel sharp? Who would believe Justin and I have anything in common? Yet it's true. Six hours sleep is good for me, too.

4) Justin prefers D and G underwear, which can cost as much as $102/pair. Sam may be crazy, but there's no way she'd spend that much on underwear. What's something you're willing to splurge on? Paper towels. As a pet owner, I have learned that economizing on those doesn't actually save any money whatsoever.

I accept no substitutes

5) He may be picky about underwear but not cuisine. He loves Big Macs. If we were going to McDonald's, what would you order? This is mean! I have been having tummy trouble and my doctor(s) prescribes a bland diet, no beef. But if I could, I would devour a Big Mac.

6) When it comes to healthier fare, Bieber has told fans he enjoys snacking on bananas and grapes. What do you reach for between meals? Crackers

7) Performing in Germany, Justin Bieber told a girl who approached the stage, "Ich liebe dich” ("I love you") and she fainted. Have you ever fainted? Nope

8) As a kid, Justin was teased for being one of the shortest in his class. What do you recall being teased about in school? I don't recall the what, but the who remains vivid. Janice P., you were a dreadful bitch when you were 13.

9) Random question: Will you be watching this weekend's Super Bowl? Nope

Ready for some good news?

I wish those people seated at the table were happier for me

 All my tests came back and there is no sign of c. diff in my system anymore. YEA!

No inflammation or infection is present, either. HOORAY!

Of course, we still have to wonder why I still feel (literally) quite crappy. Today was a rather bad day, as far as the bathroom goes. So something is still wrong. But it's not c diff, and it's probably not anything to cause long-term damage.

Still, I'm beginning a new probiotic tonight and visiting a new doctor on Tuesday. Knowing what it isn't doesn't tell me what it is.

My dad gave me a road map

Some parents show their kids how to live. That is loving and important. My dad showed me how NOT to live. That's a valuable lesson, too.

My dad was an autodidact with a passion for politics and history. That we share.

My father was also a committed Right Wing Nut Job. Of the old-school Goldwater variety. He thought pacifists were "chicken." That minorities wanted "too much, too soon." That the white male was the backbone of American Society, and no one appreciated him. This is, obviously, where we differ. I'm what the RWNJs would call "a libtard," a Kennedy Girl, an old-school, unreconstituted Liberal.

He loved arguing his point. Debating. Explaining why the person on the other end of the spectrum was just wrong. I don't enjoy debating these things. I like learning, yes. And digesting other points of view is vital and it be illuminating. But these issues are too important to me for me to treat them like sport.

And he did nothing to effect change. I never saw him phone his congressman or write a letter to the editor. He never even made campaign contributions, much less attend a rally or volunteer to leaflet.

Yelling at Walter Cronkite, making snide and disrespectful remarks about the opposition, turning the holiday dinner table into a tense debate stage ... none of these things makes a difference. None of these things makes anyone happy -- not the one spouting, nor his audience.

That is so not me. I try to walk it like I talk it. My dad never enjoyed the glorious moments I've had: balloon drops and storms of red, white and blue confetti. Seeing your candidate's face flash across the screen above the caption: THE WINNER IS. Knowing I played a part in making history.

So maybe his road map showing the path not to take me was his greatest gift to me.

Am I blue? You'd be, too.

So I just finished four more days of antibiotics. And my gastrointestinal tract is still not normal.

This has been going on for 42 days.

I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm sad. I'm singin' the blues.

So I went back to the doctor. Again. More tests. As she explained it, one of three things could be going on.

1) My gut is healthy but my colon doesn't know it. 42 days is a long time to go without a full meal, and maybe my body just doesn't remember how to process food. This is the most attractive diagnosis. Then I just start slowly start eating again.

2) My C Diff is just really, really resistant to antibiotics and we need to put me on a different course of treatment.

3) It's morphed into something else. This is both the least likely and the worst option.

I suppose I should feel lucky. I have no fever, I'm not fatigued and I'm functioning. Today the doctor told me about a new mother who contracted C Diff in the hospital and had it for a full year, leaving her unable to nurse her new baby. I'm not that sick.

But I'm still sick. And it sucks.

Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Quality of life

Joey is a very old cat with a litany of health problems: high blood pressure, arthritis, kidney disease and a viral infection. Those last two are fatal. So I am trying to remind myself that our time left together is short.

But here's the thing: Right now he's sitting beside me, purring so loud I can hear it. He enthusiastically wolfs down his food. And last night he engaged in a little laser point tag. I'm going to try it again tonight.

As long as Joey is still enjoying his life, I'm going to sit back and enjoy him. The vet has warned me that he's never getting better. But for now, he seems happy enough to be here. And so here he shall stay.

Sunday Stealing

Laundry Day Meme

Do you know any couples that have been married for a very long time? Yes. I also know couples who haven't been married a long time because, until recently, they weren't legally able to wed. Seeing these relationships, gay and straight, from my up close friend's perspective makes me appreciate how much work and dedication is mixed in with the love.


What are you tired of people telling you? My across-the-hall neighbor means well, but she's always scolding me that I'm not aware enough of my surroundings. I startle too easily. I shouldn't have my headphones on all the time. Eat me. I've always been a day dreamer and I always will be. (And I've never liked to be scolded!)

Which type of ice cream do you prefer? Mint chocolate chip.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Kate

What was the last movie you watched on TV? Last Vegas. I liked it more than I thought I would.

If the internet was not available right now, what would you do instead? Reading. Maybe scrubbing the tub.

Do you complain a lot? Probably more than I should.

Recuerdos del color de agua de niebla

Name a movie that your favorite actor is in. The Way We Were.
  

Do you like your toes? Sure

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? Depends on what city each is in.

Have you ever had champagne? Did you like it? Yes. Yes.

Are there any seashells in your room? No.

What was the reason for the last time you went outside? Met my nephew for lunch

Do you like fruity or minty gum? I prefer minty

Are you looking forward to any day of this month? Not especially.

What was the last graduation you attended?  My nephew's from high school.

Do you rummage through the $5 movie bin at Walmart every time? I seldom shop at Walmart

What day of the week do you usually do laundry? Sunday

Do you like using air fresheners? Yes

Are your nails ever painted red? Yes, and my pedi could use a brush up right now

When you were a baby, did you have a favorite blanket? No

Ever been on a cruise? No

Would you rather go to Alaska or Russia? Alaska

Strawberries or bananas? Bananas

Are you wearing socks? No

When’s the last time you went to the mall? Earlier this month

Meds, meds, more meds

Over the last few days I've given prescription medication more thought than I have in months.

Metronidazole. That's the antibiotic I'm taking for my C. Diff. I took my last pill yesterday and thought that Saturday morning would dawn and I'd be fine. Saturday dawned, but I still had diarrhea. This has been going on for more than a month and cannot be good for my body. I called my doctor's office, knowing my GP left for vacation on Friday, but confident someone there could refill my prescription. I was prepared, need be, to insist on talking to my gynecologist, who is part of the same practice. That wasn't necessary. My doctor had a lovely back-up physician, who called me back right away and not only called Walgreens for me, she also told me to take a probiotic and recommended I eat more, even though I'm not hungry. She said at this point, my body is no longer used to processing food and so I must eat something -- a small portion of something bland -- three or four times a day. Even if I'm not hungry (and I'm not).

She told me that C. Diff is powerful and hard to cure, so what I'm going through is not unusual. Next weekend, I should be able to return beef to my diet, but dairy could take another month. I have another appointment with my regular doctor on February 9. I hope I'll be able to cancel it because I'll be fine. But I know I must be prepared to keep it, just in case we have to try a different prescription medication.

Benazaperil. This is what Joey gets squirted down his throat every day. It helps regulate his high blood pressure, which, in turn, helps preserve his sight. Each evening, when I dose him, I'm sad. For I know we are trying to save his vision just so that he's not frightened by blindness as his death approaches. There's no long term for my Joey. Since we don't know for sure how old Joey is, it's possible that his 21st birthday has come and gone. That's an exceptionally long ride for a cat and he and I have been lucky for the time given us. This bottle of Benazaperil will take us into March. I must be prepared that the bottle may last longer than Joey. 

Prozac. My 16-year-old nephew took his first dose this week. I was surprised to learn that he's been suffering crippling bouts of anxiety and depression. I knew he was more comfortable in the cyber world than the real one, but I thought that was generational. He was massively disappointed in himself that he didn't make the honor roll, and was almost paralyzed with fear addressing the class about the subject of his choice (topic: why Citizens United needs to be overturned). This goes beyond a phobia of public speaking. He has a debilitating fear of failure. According to my sister, this began in summer 2012, between grade school and high school, and has just gotten worse and worse. 

I am sorry he's suffering, but I'm proud of how open he is to treatment. Soon he will start talk therapy with a PhD, something I suspect will be more helpful to him than just a pill in his gullet. I know that some depression is biochemical and some is situational. I suspect that his is a combination. My kid sister can be a very unhappy person at times -- and she confessed to me that she's taken Wellbutrim and Prozac -- and you know what they say: "If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy." I don't mean that the my nephew's struggles are his mother's fault. Everyone is different, and everyone handles stress in his own way. And I applaud how pro-active my sister has been in getting help for her son. It's just that I know my nephew is sensitive and growing up in a moody, tense home may be as much of what's bothering him as personal body chemistry.

I asked my sister to tell him that I'd been in therapy for decades and took Lexapro for three years. She did, but I was not surprised that, when we had lunch today, he didn't want to talk about it. He was too enthusiastic about the book I gave him, Making of a President: 1968, and had a lot of Bernie Sanders/Hillary Clinton news he wanted to discuss. His passion for the Sanders campaign reminds me of the long-ago excitement that propelled Eugene McCarthy to national prominence. I don't think he's geeky. I want to hear how he feels about the campaign, and he wants to be heard. So perhaps that is role I am meant to play in his life.

I do wish religion had come up in my emails from my sister regarding his treatment. When I have been at my lowest, both as an adolescent and a woman, when I felt everything was hopeless and I had nothing to live for, I never seriously considered taking my own life because I knew God expected more from me. I have never doubted God's love. It is a powerful thing to cling to. I hope my nephew knows it is there for us all.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Don't You Care?

1) What's something that seems to fascinate everyone else, but you just don't care about? Making a Murderer. I don't have Netflix, haven't seen the series, and admit I'm not filled with longing, either. Though if my Facebook feed is any indication, I'm the only woman in North America who doesn't care.

2) The lyrics refer to "the times we cried and laughed." Which did you do more recently, cry or laugh? Laugh. Specifically I laughed at "I'm Dead. Now What?" I realize this journal is useful, but I cannot believe that's what they named it, or that they got Potsie as their spokesman. Stay classy, folks.

3) In the song, our hero seems surprised that his girlfriend doesn't believe him. Are you more believing and trusting, or suspicious and skeptical? I suppose I'm more believing and trusting.

4) This song is just over two minutes long, which seems short for a song but awful long when Sam is waiting for her chicken soup to heat in the microwave. What's the last thing you heated in a microwave? Tea. 

5) This week's band, The Buckinghams, was one of the first acts to perform at Chicago's premiere summer festival, The Taste of Chicago.* Let's think ahead: Have you made any plans for Summer 2016? I'm taking my friend John to Springfield to check out the Lincoln sites. It's shocking to me that someone could live in the Midwest all his life and never make it down there, not even on a class trip. So come June, we're rectifying that.


6) In 1967, when this song was popular, Rolling Stone magazine published its first issue. What magazines do you subscribe to? Do they arrive in the mail, or do you read them online? People, US, O, Allure and More. I'm very behind in my magazine reading. All those holiday entertaining issues are still staring at me!

7) Country star/American Idol judge Keith Urban was born in 1967. Are you watching the final season of American Idol? I've caught a couple episodes, but I'm more interested in Harry Connick than I am the contestants.


8) In 1967, the average cost of a movie ticket was $1.25. By 2015, it had risen $8.60. What's the last movie you saw in a theater? Carol. Alas, I didn't like it very much.

9) Random question: Sam's taking everyone out to dinner and she's buying. Would you prefer the steak or the lobster? I'll split the difference and have surf and turf.

*Though back in 1970, it was called ChicagoFest.

"Demographics are destiny'

That's a popular catchphrase within the industry. I rely on it, in the abstract. When I'm trying to market a credit card aimed at people 40+, I know from the research that mail solicitations tend to be more successful than the internet. If I'm trying to sell household cleansers to the under 35 crowd, emailing coupons works. Etc., etc. The cool thing about market research is that you can find a study that slices, dices, and analyzes just about every product/media combination you can think of so you can hit people with the right offer in the right way at the right time.

One of my favorite bits of information is profiling by zip code. For some reason birds of a feather do tend to flock together, and consumer behavior can be predicted based on where we live. But why? Do

we set out to live among people who feel as we do? Or do our neighbors influence us?

It's my aunt who has me thinking of this. When I was a little girl, back in the 1960s, she was a hippie. A liberal. She listened to James Brown and had this portrait of President Kennedy hanging by her bedroom door. That was up here, in bluer-than-blue Chicagoland.

Then she moved to Florida. Now she identifies as a Southerner. Where she, like me, grew up a Cub fan, she now follows NASCAR. Though she knows better than to mention it to me or her son (my cousin), I suspect she's a Trump supporter.

My aunt blames Obama for everything. Also, I can tell from her Facebook "likes" that she has no sympathy for the "Oscar So White" movement. Yet eavesdropping on my neighbors in a restaurant last weekend, I heard the couple at the next table were talking about how amusing Obama was on Seinfeld's Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee and wondering if nascent racism played a part in Will Smith's snub at this year's Oscars.

So did my aunt change and then move to Florida? Or did living down there change her? I'd love to ask her, but I'm afraid that would open the door to conversations about her views that I don't want to have.

So I'm left to just tap my chin, look thoughtfully at the ceiling, and wonder.

I suppose it's good to know

Yesterday at the vet, my cat Joey had blood drawn. I got bad news. In addition to glaucoma and arthritis and kidney disease, my old tomcat is battling some sort of virus that accounts for his continual weight loss.

Joey is dying.

He's sitting here beside me, purring. His spirit is good, but his body is simply wearing down from the inside out.

He eats like crazy. He loves to be petted. Occasionally he can be persuaded to attack a shoe lace or play laser tag. I am grateful that his life makes him happy.

But he's dying all the same.

The vet tells me we could treat the virus, but those meds combined with the meds for his kidney disease would just make him anemic, so we'd be changing one problem for another. And the kidney disease could cause him discomfort, whereas the virus is just tiring him. So it's best to just let nature take its course.

How thoughtful of Joey to contract something incurable and untreatable. This way I don't have to regret any decisions I've made regarding his care. He'll be a generous soul to the end.

And this gives me an opportunity to start dosing Connie and Reynaldo with Viralys. This supplement will enhance their immune systems so they can resist the virus. So in all, I'm glad I know what's going on.

I just hate it.

Me and Joe, Joe and Me

My old cat and I have a lot in common these days.

Neither of us is as healthy as we've been.

•  Went to the vet with my tomcat. He had an attack of some sort Sunday morning (see post below) and it really frightened me. However, neither the emergency vet I spoke to Sunday nor my regular vet thought it was that serious.

The vet checked Joe out thoroughly and suspects it was his arthritis that made him collapse. Look at this recent photo, taken because he looks so sweet curled up like a little fur shrimp. It reveals something: he can no longer retract his back claws. Reaching for Rey's food on Sunday, that fast and sudden movement, probably caused him so much pain that he went down. The vet also did a blood panel, "just to be sure."

I'm expecting bad news. I mean, he's 20 years old and though he eats with gusto, he's losing weight. I don't want to hear diabetes or cancer. Especially not diabetes. My poor boy is already dealing with a special, prescription diet and a squirt of medication in his mouth every evening. I don't want to add twice daily injections. It's not fair to either of us.

But for now, he's sitting beside me. Comfortable, affectionate and happy. I wish we could freeze this moment and stay like this forever.

*  Me. So far today I've eaten two hard boiled eggs, four fish sticks and half a sleeve of Ritz Crackers. After I finish this post, I may have something else: a cup of applesauce or some dry Rice Krispies (I still can't have dairy). This makes me so sad, I could cry.

I have not had a real meal in over a month (December 23). I'm burpy. I'm bloated. Every morning is still a surprise in the bathroom. My urine is brown (antibiotics) to combat the yellow bowel movements. Some days I'm constipated, other days I have diarrhea. It's not unusual with C. diff.

I can't have pizza. I can't have pasta. I can't have burgers. I shouldn't miss this stuff so much, as I'm seldom hungry.

As I write this, it's late Tuesday night. I run out of antibiotics on Thursday. I hope, hope, hope I'll be better then. But I'm not confident.

I know it could be worse. I know I could have more than one episode/day. It's a bad way to start the day, but it's only in the morning. I don't have chills. I don't have fatigue. I'm not vomiting.

But I'm tired. I'm bored. I'm weary. I want my life back.

I know my doctor. She's good. If I'm not feeling better by Valentine's Day, we'll try something else. She'll get me well. But it's hard to stay positive.