Movie Monday -- Sex Sells

Share movie scenes involving sex that raised your eyebrows or made you roll your eyes, linking back here.

Here are the scenes I remember most vividly. Interestingly, we only see the couples get right down to it in the first two. So I guess it's true that the imagination is an erogenous zone.

Against All Odds. Just take a look at them now. Down-on-his luck former football player Jeff Bridges is hired to track down Rachel Ward. When he finds her, they ... um ... "click." Oh, boy, do they ever "click." The sex scenes are oh-so hot and they're the most authentically emotional moments in a movie where everyone has an agenda and no one is as they seem.

No Way Out. Kevin Costner shows Sean Young how to enjoy a limo ride. Of course, thinking of Costner makes me think of ...

Bull Durham. The sexiest monologue in movie history, delivered by Kevin Costner: "Well, I believe in the soul … I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing AstroTurf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days." All I can add is Susan Sarandon's, "Oh, my." And, of course, sexy baseball heroes make me think of ...

The Natural. Man as sex object, so gorgeous and remote it's almost unbearable. Kim Bassinger tries and tries to make Redford love her. But not even showing up at his bedside wearing nothing but her mink coat excites him as much as sending a fastball sailing square across the plate. 

On the street where I live

It's a sunny Sunday afternoon & I'm watching TV. And not just any TV. I'm watching the CNN & MSNBC coverage of the House debate on health care. Worse, I'm ENJOYING it!

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Eight Tens Meme

TEN TO START.

1. Are you single? Yes

2. Are you happy? Right now, at this very moment, yes

3. Are you bored? No

4. Are you naked? No. But I have been and will be again.

5. Are you a blonde? No.

6. Are you moody? Yes

7. Are you a lover/hater? Gotta give me a little more context before I can answer

8. Are you hot/cold? No. Like Goldilocks, I'm just right.

9. Are you Irish? 12% of me is

10. Are you Asian? No

TEN FACTS.

1. Name: It's a state secret

2. Nicknames: The Gal Herself

3. Birth mark: No, but I have many moles, if that helps.

4. Hair color: Dirty blonde

5. Natural hair color: Dirty blonde

6. Eye color: Green

7. Height: 5'2

8. Facebook Mood: Since I can't recall the last time I logged on, I can't recall what it says my mood is

9. Favorite color: Blue

10. One Place to Visit: Sorry, but I don't understand the question

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.

1. Do you believe in love at first sight? No

2. Do you believe in soul mates? Yes

4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally? Yes

5. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Not intentionally

6. Have you ever been cheated on? Yes

7. Have you ever liked someone and not told them? Yes

8. Are you afraid of commitment? Yes

9. Who was the last person you hugged? My mom

10. Who was the last person you kissed? His voice sounded like Robert Downey, Jr.'s.

TEN THIS OR THAT.

1. Love or lust? I'd rather not choose, since they're more fun together

3. Cats or dogs? I have cats but I like dogs, too

4. A few best friends or many regular friends? A few best friends

5. Television or internet? If I had to choose ... cannot choose ... my brain would explode and my heart would break

6. Chinese Or Indian? Chinese

7. Wild night out or romantic night in? Romantic night in

8. Money or Happiness? Happiness. I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love.

9. Night or day? Day, I guess.

10. MSN or phone? MSN

TEN HAVE YOU EVER.

1. Been caught sneaking out? Yes. Though I'm more often caught sneaking in (very late)

2. Been skinny dipping? No

3. Stolen? No

4. Bungee jumped? No

5. Lied to someone you liked? Yes

6. Finished an entire jaw breaker? Yes

8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back? Yes

9. Cried because you lost a pet? Yes

10. Wanted to disappear? Yes

TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER.

1. Smile or eyes? Eyes

2. Light or dark hair? Dark

3. Hugs or kisses? As with the earlier lust question, I enjoy them in tandem

4. Shorter or taller? Taller. Since I'm just 5'2, I'm afraid anyone shorter would be a child, and that would be creepy.

5. Intelligence or attraction? Intelligence is attractive

6. Romantic or spontaneous? Romantic

7. Funny or serious? Funny

8. Older or Younger? Doesn't matter

9. Outgoing or quiet? Depends

10. Sweet or Bad Ass? Sweet

TEN HAVE YOU’S.

1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd? Yes

2. Ever done drugs? Yes, but it was just coke, and back then, no one thought of coke as a drug

3. Ever been pregnant? No

5. Ever been on a cheer leading team? No

6. Ever been on a dance team? No

7. Ever been on a sports team? Yes

8. Ever been in a drama play/production? No, but I have been in a rap video

9. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley? No

10. Ever been in a rap video? Hey! Whadday know?

TEN LASTS.

1. Last phone call you made: My mom

2. Last person you hung out with: My neighbor from the end of the hall

4. Last time you worked: I did laundry today, and that feels like work

5. Last person you tackled: I don't think I have tackled my first person yet

6. Last person you IM’d: Gawd, it was years ago

8. Last person(s) you went to the movies with: Kathleen

9. Last thing you missed: My best friend

10. Last thing you ate: Ham & Cheese Hot Pocket

Irish eyes are smiling

I'm an unabashed Kennedy Girl. The Kennedy Brothers have been the single biggest influence on my politics and my view of the role government should play in the lives of its citizens. So I'm not exaggerating when I say I have been hearing/reading about health care reform for decades, and I have sincerely believed it's been necessary for that long, as well.

After decades, I can't believe it's finally almost here!

They're in Washington this weekend in spirit. I'm sure of it.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Just One Look

1. How vain are you about how you look? I'm vain about my looks. Just not happy with them.

2. When you were little what was your favorite TV show? That Girl

3. If someone was going to make a movie or TV show about your life, who would play you and why? Carrie Fisher, because we look a bit alike and we share a sensibility.

4. Who is your favorite Major League Baseball team? How about your favorite player? If you don't know the answer to this, you don't visit this blog often. My favorite team: the Chicago Cubs. My favorite Cub: my beloved future Hall of Famer, Greg Maddux.

5. What is your favorite baseball-related movie? The Natural.

6. What is one lesson you have learned in the past year? The Lads from Liverpool were right: "Pride can hurt you, too." Sometimes it's kinder, and it feels better, to just let some things that loved ones do slide.

7. Tell us about one of your childhood memories. My grandpa wore v-necked t-shirts. When I was little and would crawl into his lap for a hug, I remember feeling his chest hair against my cheek. He smelled of cigars and licorice-flavored throat lozenges. Grandpa gave the best hugs.

8. How do you handle sticky situations? Do you have a method? If so, what is it? Oh, I have a method. I tend to screw sticky situations up very badly.

9. Do you think people talk about you behind your back? Yes. My kid sister thinks I'm an unreasonable bitch.

The Queen's Meme

Now our Monarch commands us to, "make a wish list of things you want to accomplish or do before you ....um....well....die." And so, as an obedient subject, I did.

Now, finally ready for publication and distribution to all who care --

MY BUCKET LIST

1) Get my condo just the way I want it. New wall tile and sink in the bathroom, new cabinets and floor in the kitchen, exposed brick and new floor in the dining room, new curtains and new carpet and fresh paint everywhere else. This project takes more money, time and organizational skill than I currently possess but someday ... My best friend suggests it might be easier to just move. I suspect that I would soon be thinking the same about my new place, wherever it might be: "If only I had a nicer sink ..." So I might as well do it here.

2) See the Cubs play a World Series game within the Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field. Of course, I need a little help accomplishing this. Guys? Are you reading this? Give an old gal a break and come through for me!

3) Exhaust my TBR. You know that phrase, "so many books, so little time?" I live it. And it's not just the books. I have tons of untouched magazines, too. I would love to have enough leisure time, concentration and discipline to just plough through. (I hope I don't sound too much like old Henry Bemis.)

4) Organize my photos. My kid sister is big into scrap booking. I'm big into throwing photos into a pile under the windowsill. I realize this is not the best way to preserve memories.

5) Look as good as I can. I realize I'll never be confused with Jennifer Aniston. But if I lose weight and get my varicose veins repaired and refresh my wardrobe, I'd be a better looking, more confident gal. For some reason, I keep getting into my own way on this one.

Oh yeah, and I'd like to cure disease, remedy hunger and help others.

To play along, visit The Queen here. And let me know if your ultimate list was as selfish as mine.

It was the campaign button

Yesterday I took the train downstate for a client meeting. My seatmate was a college freshman who was just too cute to be real!

Originally from the small town in downstate Illinois where my client is headquartered, he is going to school in Minnesota. On spring break, he took the Amtrak from Minneapolis/St. Paul to Chicago, where he spent the night and celebrated St. Patrick's Day, and now he was headed home to see his family.

He began chatting with me because I'm reading Game Change and I still have an Obama button on my jacket. First we talked a bit about the book, and the Prez, and Illinois politics. Then he told me a bit about his girlfriend, still in Minnesota -- he misses her sooo much and sent her photos of the view flying by our window (mostly backyards, empty fields and leafless trees) so she could see what he was seeing. He told me about St. Patrick's Day in Chicago -- he was scandalized that Chicago cops were drinking while in uniform!

I wanted to shrinkwrap him so he could stay this innocent about the world, this optimistic about the country, this much in love, and this nice forever! Whoever his mom and dad are, they should be very proud.

Not just the Chicago River

Mayor Daley does it up right on St. Patrick's Day, as evidenced by the fountains at Daley Plaza and the ring around the Hancock. I think it's adorable. 364 days a year I'm 12% Irish. But today, I'm all in.

Too cute!

This morning I walked to work behind a mom and daughter. In one hand, Mom held a Hello, Kitty backpack. In the other hand she held her little girl's fingers. They were in deep discussion about something. It touched me to see the rapt attention they were paying to one another, and how seriously Mom seemed to take her daughter's input.

The little girl -- about 5, I guess -- caught sight of me and kept stealing glances of me in the store windows we three were passing. I think she was scandalized because I was drinking Coke for breakfast. And she should be. Shame on me!

The Right Man for the Job

After a rather pissy day at work, I came home and watched an hour of American Idol (Rolling Stones night; a bad but amusing idea), spent an hour with my shrink, who reassured me that I'm not quite as batshit as I believe I am and then went to the health club for a little cardio.

I felt good. Just as I thought my day was turning around, I was cruelly felled by disease. Yes, I am suffering from voracious ravenousitis. I know the symptoms:
• My fourth meal of the day isn't enough
• Cheese, carbs and salt are all that I can think of
• If I must, I'll get dressed and go off in search of Cheez-Its

Fortunately I have the name of a specialist who successfully treats this malady:

Dr. Bombay, Dr. Bombay! Emergency, emergency! Come right away!

Pet Therapy

I was exhausted yesterday and my stomach was unpleasant this morning so I called in sick, when back to bed and proved it by sleeping for more than an hour. When I woke up, I found myself surrounded by all three cats. This is very not like them, especially Charlotte, who usually cannot abide Joey. I guess it was the novelty of having me home and still so late in the morning. Maybe they sensed I wasn't feeling well. At any rate, they were so cute I didn't want to disturb them so I stay very still and then fell back asleep.

When I woke up again, I felt better. I credit my three feline physicians.

Movie Monday -- Date Night

Share your best or worst movie date, movies featuring movie dates or how you use movies for dates these days, linking back here at The Bumbles.

It's not a remotely sexy or romantic movie, yet it led to the date where I knew he cared about me. We went to see a matinee of JFK. It was clear and sunny when we went into the theater, but that's a very long movie and the sky was cloudy and threatening when we left.

En route to the parking lot, the sky opened and dumped a ton of water on us. We ducked into the nearest bar, ordered a pair of Sam Adams', and started talking about the movie. And talking. And talking.

As one who has read Death of a President more than once, I was very prepared to discuss how factually inaccurate the Oliver Stone epic is. The gentleman I was with was my match in terms of geekiness and he argued that the film didn't have to be accurate, it was cinematically solid. We argued the artist's responsibility to the truth -- moving from bottles to pitcher and from pretzels to sandwiches. The bar began to fill up and I realized I was very underdressed compared to the rest of the clientele. In the ladies room I saw the toll the rain had taken on me. My hair was frizzed out and my eye makeup had washed away. I was mortified to realize I'd been sitting there with him for hours looking like this!

When I got headed back to the table, I saw two -- two -- predatory pretty young things actually leaning on our table for my date's benefit. Naturally I was miserable.

"Too strident. Too old. Too plain. Too geeky. Too serious." That's how I was bemoaning my date performance on the way back tot he table. I was quite sure the girls making time with my guy could somehow get through an evening without using phrases like, "Warren Commission" and "book depository."

When I got back to the table, all he said to his new friends was, "Excuse me," as he pulled out my chair for me and continued the conversation just where we left it. My internal monolog switched to, "He likes me! He likes me! He likes me!"

Uncle Update

When I visited my mom yesterday, I looked at the paperwork he was served with and it's obvious that the one instigating all this is his his only daughter, my cousin. Their father/daughter relationship has always been complicated, much of it frankly his fault, so I don't judge. She knows all his money is gone because he has called her, asking for the coins he had given her sons/his grandchildren. My guess is that she wants to force him to sell his house before he loses it, and then use the proceeds to pay for his managed care.

It's cold to see it written out, portraying my once-dynamic, wealthy uncle as incompetent. But he has run through $2 million in two years, most of it at the gambling boat. And while he gave up his handguns long ago, he still has rifles. So I understand that what she is trying to do is for the best.

But what of Bennie, the gray/white striped cat he dotes on? I was going to offer to take Bennie. I'm good with critters and besides, it would be nice to offer to do something for him now, when he has no money, so I can repay the kindnesses he has done for me without him suspecting my motives. But my mom and I talked about it, and it may be best for her to take Bennie, if need be. She has more room and her heart is still store over the loss of her Lucy.

Greetings from a slug

Maybe it's because last night we set the clocks forward, but today I've been beat all day.

Went home to visit my mom and play with my nephew. En route I stopped at CVS to pick up some picture frames. My intention was to give my mom a framed photo of my award-winning niece that I ordered from her local paper. After all, how better to cheer up a grandma than with a framed 8x10 of her granddaughter? I also bought a bottle of vodka and a can of peas (69¢) for the food pantry. On the way out I was intercepted by a Girl Scout who only had peanut butter sandwich cookies left. Since her troop was from my old school, how could I refuse?

I was so happy. I was wearing my official Cubs jacket. I was listening to my favorite Amy Winehouse song on my iPod. The sun was shining. I had a bag full of good deeds.

Then, like the clutz I am, I tripped in the street. My foot got caught in a pot hole and POW. Down I went, landing on the vodka, picture frames, peas and Girl Scout cookies. My initial thought was, "My jacket! My iPod!" Once I confirmed my tunes and my Cubbie blue were OK, I realized I hurt and much had been busted. The vodka bottle seemed severed. The Girl Scout cookies were now booze soaked. I was too eager to get to my mom's and take stock of my wounds to notice that I'd also busted the frame. Thank God the 69¢ can of peas was OK!

This is the second spill I've taken over the last 7 months. When I fell last year while carrying my microwave, it was on rain-slicked streets. It was today, too. I was just so distracted by the sun and the spring I forgot about yesterday's rain and the pools of melted snow and the impact it has the streets, I simply wasn't watching where I was going. Dumb! Dumb! Dumb!

It cheered up my mom to see me anyway. My nephew got to show off his pinewood derby racer -- and his two awards (one for craftsmanship, one for concept), thank you very much. My niece even stopped by for a minute and I was able to embarrass her by fussing over her photos.

I took my nephew for a walk, to buy more vodka, to enjoy a little pizza, and to talk alone for a moment because he was with my mom on the day she put her cat to sleep. He's only 10 and can be very sensitive, so I wanted to make sure he was at peace with all that went on. I also told him what a comfort he was to Grandma.

Now I'm home. And I'm beat. No laundry for me tonight, maybe not this week. I didn't hem any of my new slacks, either. Bad gal. Lazy gal. Tired old gal.

I'm watching the season premiere Celebrity Apprentice as I post this. Our former governor is like the blood blister I now have on my thumb -- creepy but fascinating. Then I think I'm going to sleep.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: Judd's Merged Meme

1. What were doing 10 years ago? Negotiating an extension on my lease so I could stay there while I condo-hunted.

2. Five snacks that you enjoy in a perfect, non weight-gaining world. Thin mint cookies. Peanut butter sandwich cookies. (Damn those Girl Scouts and their cookie sales!) Cheese crackers. Hot tamales candy. Hershey w/almond bars.

3. Five things you would do if you were a billionaire: 1) Buy a condo in the city with doorman and a view of the Lake; 2) Adopt more cats; 3) Hire a car and driver; 4) Support charities that assist kids and critters; 5) Reassure Sir Paul that I don't want his money

4. Three of your habits: 1) Watching marathons on the USA Network -- SVU, Psych, NCIS, I'm there; 2) Procrastination, which explains why I'm memeing and not doing laundry; 3) Reading the Tribune during my morning commute.

5. Five jobs that you've have had: Babysitter, receptionist, copywriter, associate creative director, and creative director (which is not unlike being a babysitter).

6. Five places that you've lived: I've only ever lived in two towns. Sorry.

7. Five things that you did yesterday: Donated clothes to Goodwill; Drank beer for the first time in a while and realized I missed it; Listened to Steely Dan for the first time in ages, too; Started a new assignment.

8. Five people you would want to get to know more about: 1) Abigail Adams, 2) George Clooney, 3) Rahm Emanuel, 4) the man who has been hired to be my boss' boss' boss but we haven't met him yet, 5) Don Draper (can't wait for the new season!)

9. Abortion: for or against it? No one is FOR abortion. I am pro-choice.

10. Do you think the world would fail with a female president? No. Germany has one right now and the world is still spinning on its axis.

11. Do you believe in the death penalty? No.

12. Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already? I don't care.

13. Are you for or against premarital sex? Yes, seeing as I'm not married and therefore have no hope of postmarital sex.

14. Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized? Yes.

15. Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA? Yes. The current system is a mess. We should either relax the laws or figure out how to enforce them.

16. Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen? No. We don't need more drunk drivers on the roads, and I fear that's what would we'd get.

17. Should the war in Iraq be called off? This is a silly question. No, I don't think a ref should blow a whistle and just call it off.

18. Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree? No. I am pro-choice in this, too.

19. Do you believe in spanking your children? Well, since they're imaginary I don't think it would hurt them.

20. Do you worry that others will judge you from reading some of your answers? I don't care about this, either. Sorry, but there's something about this meme that just makes me pissy. Can't wait to see what Bud does with it!

Productive, yet tiring

A chilly, rainy Saturday. A looooong chilly, rainy Saturday.

The day started with a trip to the dentist for my annual cleaning and x-rays. Who among us doesn't enjoy having that pick stuck in our gums? But at least I expected that. The exciting new twist was the cavity that somehow developed under a decades-old porcelain crown. Near the front. Where it's visible. So I have to get it repaired ... to the tune of approximately $660.

I shouldn't complain. That's the worst-case scenario estimate and besides, without insurance it would be $1,270. But the whole situation makes me nervous because:

1) I have to get it done in a timely manner, because I may lose my job, which means I may not have good dental insurance much longer, and …

2) It's got to be done in an esthetically appealing way because I may be interviewing again, and I'm a 50-something in a young person's industry. Objectively speaking, I think I look 45. I'd never lie about my age, but I don't encourage anyone to do the math while they're looking at my rez. A smile with bad teeth can age you.

I know, I know … with this new bill it's probably irresponsible to go off on my spa holiday. But I'm taking the $700 from my existing I'm-paying-down-my-credit-cards fund and putting it aside for my brand-new gotta-get-teeth-fixed fund. This has been a rough year so far, and I'm not expecting it to get tons better. So I'm going to Williamsburg. The alone time could just recharge my battery and give me the new insights my life is crying out for. I'm getting my tooth fixed the first Saturday I'm back.

So this was state of my mind when I went off to The Carson's Goodwill Sale. I got three pairs of slacks, a dress-it-up cardigan and a fully-lined gray blazer. That's 5 pieces/3 outifits suitable for client meetings and interviews. Suggested retail price: $255. Courtesy of Carson's discounts and my Goodwill coupons: $130.11. I am now bowing deeply, acknowledging the applause that are undoubtedly coming my way. I also used one of the coupons to buy my oldest friend body lotion in the Vera Wang scent she enjoys so much. It cost more than I wanted to spend, but it never goes on sale and at least with the coupon I was able to save $7.50. We don't exchange gifts again for months, but again, I might not be employed by then and I don't want that to spoil our celebration.

I'm sick of thinking about money! And going from dentist to department store to drug store ("Your prescriptions are ready for pickup") and from bus to train back to bus in all this cold drizzle takes a lot out of a gal.

On a happier note, I heard from my best friend again yesterday. He now checks in with me, via email, every Friday. Yesterday he was amusing, and even if our contact is still superficial at least it's more comfortable and consistent. I do know he cares what's going on in my life and, while I don't know what's really going on in his life, he'll tell me when he thinks the time is right. That's enough for me.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Gimme Three Steps

1. Are you the type of person who jumps into new ventures or do you prefer baby steps? Both. I think of it like bowling: It's baby steps until my toes touch the line, and then I'm all in.

2. Who do you feel believes in you the most? The answer depends on whether the situation is personal or professional.

3. When was the last time you were on a stage? Junior high school.

4. Tell us about the worst boss you ever had. It's a toss up. The first insisted every one of her office supplies (right down to post-it notes and paperclips) be pink and told me that she believed we reacted strongly to one another because because we were adversaries in a past life and if we didn't resolve it this time around we were destined to clash for all eternity. The second one did no work whatsoever and actually slept through client meetings ... in front of the client.

5. If the NCAA Men's or Women's Final Four basketball tournament was played in your hometown arena or within easy driving distance from where you live, would you try to attend one of the three games? No. I'm sorry because it sounds almost unAmerican, but I don't give a crap about the NCAA.

6. Of all the clothes you own, what do you feel most comfortable wearing, and why? Jeans. Because they're jeans.

7. On what television show—either past or present—would you like to make to make a guest appearance, and what role would you play? Here Come the Brides. I'd like to be one of the lasses from New Bedford who travels to Bridal Veil Mountain.

8. St. Patrick's Day is on Wednesday March 17th. Do you celebrate and wear green? Drink Green Beer? Ignore it? I will wear green and will most likely toast the day with an alcoholic beverage.

9. If a leprechaun told you that you could have any amount of money from his pot of gold but it had to be a specified amount for a specified item, how much would you ask for and what would it be for? $2,191. That would pay for a trip to Key West over New Year's, staying in a hotel right there on Duval. Please let the leprechaun know it will only cost more the closer we get to the holidays, so we should act now.

My favorite sale of the year

The Carson's* Goodwill Sale! Every item of clothing or textiles (I think this means towels, throw rugs, etc.) you bring to Carson's gets you a coupon for 20% that's good until 3/24. That's all there is to it. Really, it's that simple.

Almost everything in the store is included in the Goodwill Sale -- EVEN COSMETICS!!!!! Which means I can replenish my supply of Clinique Eye Repairwear.

So I get to save, and I get to help Goodwill, which is one of my favorite charities.

Today I participated in a Michigan Avenue event to publicize the sale. A Goodwill truck was parked at Michigan and Illinois and I dropped off three blouses. In return the PR representative peeled off multiple coupons. I whispered that she'd handed me waaaay more than the 3 I deserved in exchange for my 3 blouses, but she told me to "enjoy them." And so I shall!





*aka Bergner's or The Bon-Ton Goodwill Sale

I'm Conflicted!

Lilly has been my favorite since I first heard her sing "Fixing a Hole." I was shocked to see her facing elimination tonight, and wasn't crazy about the fact that she was pitted against young Katie, whose voice has a nice, chill Amy Winehouse quality (but, since she's 16, she has none of Amy's toxic baggage).

But then, as I watched Lilly waiting for the results, she just looked kinda smug, like there was no way she wasn't coming back next week, no way she wasn't better than this Katie kid. And suddenly I didn't like her, regardless of her terrific performances, so I was glad Katie made it to the next round.

But now that Lilly has been sent home, I'm sure I will miss her.

And I think I take American Idol entirely too seriously.

Poor Mom

Her beloved cat, Lucy, died this week. My mom had to have her put to sleep. The tubby old calico was suffering from massive kidney failure.

The timing of this is cruel, because she's already dealing with the painful decline of her baby brother, my uncle. He's being dragged into court later this month to prove he's not an incompetent invalid, and I think we're resigned to the fact that he won't be able to prove any such thing.

Or maybe it's not cruel. Perhaps the double whammy makes both situations somehow easier to take. Maybe dealing with the sudden passing of lovable old Lucy distracts her from the pain of watching her kid brother unravel so publicly. Or maybe knowing she should be worrying about my uncle keeps her from dwelling on the loss of her feline friend, the one who always raced to accompany her down the hall to her bedroom and bathroom ("the other end of the house," as we kids used to refer to my parents' rooms when we still lived at home).

Do you have to be a pet lover to appreciate how suddenly lonely an everyday thing like a walk down the hall becomes when you're used to having a furry companion at your side?

Observations on the nature of time

1) I arrived at the office on time today. 9:00. And discovered nothing of import goes on here before 9:45 anyway.

2) The coin apparatus on the vending machine in the ladies' room is broken and consequently tampons are free. Sure. NOW it happens, when I no longer use tampons. This makes me feel a little sad.

I know I shouldn't laugh, but I CAN'T HELP IT!!!

Before this week, I didn't even know Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY) existed. Yet today I can't get him out of my mind.

First he resigned because he kinda had cancer. Now, maybe not.

Then he resigned because Rahm Emmanuel "bothered him" in the shower. "I am showering, naked as a jaybird," Massa claimed earlier this week, "and here comes Rahm Emanuel, not even with a towel wrapped round his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me because I wasn't going to vote for the president's budget. Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?"

Now it looks like a sexual harassment scandal may have been behind his resignation. Although, as Dana Milbank reports, Massa says it's all being taken out of context.

“Now they’re saying I groped a male staffer,” he volunteered. “Yeah, I did. Not only did I grope him, I tickled him until he couldn’t breathe and then four guys jumped on top of me. It was my 50th birthday.”

No, unfortunately Mrs. Massa was not able to attend this ticklefest because, "This was in a townhouse; we all lived together, all the bachelors and me,” Massa explained.

I hope that, for his next big birthday when he turns 55, now-former Rep. Massa celebrates with an invitation-only cruise with entertainment provided by the reunited Village People. We know he loves the sea and is proud of his service. That's why, when Larry King asked Massa if he was gay, his response was, "Ask my wife. Ask my friends. Ask the 10,000 sailors I served with in the Navy."

Poor kid

This is how I'll remember Corey Haim: Jake, the confused child of divorce in Murphy's Romance, learning the painful lesson that the father he loves may not be a man he can respect.

Ten Inspiring Women

I haven't stolen anything from Kwizgiver in a long time, and International Women's Day seems like just the time to resume swiping her posts.

Now, in the order that they occur to me, are ten women who inspire me.

1) Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. The combination of impeccable manners and true grit made her indomitable. She managed to be strong without compromising her femininity and she lived her life her own way."To thine own self be true."

2) Lillian Hellman. The Little Foxes. Pentimento. The Children's Hour. Scoundrel Time. Those titles show that the only stories to compete with the ones she created are the ones she lived.

3) Louisa Mae Alcott. She gave us Jo March, and all those Little Women. Girls who grew to be women, exhibiting everyday heroism and integrity every step of the way. Role models for more than a century, and undoubtedly for little girls who haven't even been born yet.

4) Anne Sullivan Macy. Beloved Teacher, a woman who overcame poverty, the loss of her parents and most of her sight to give Helen Keller a voice.

5) Elizabeth Edwards. I know, I know … Her messy personal life has been splashed all over the tabloids. But Saving Graces really did touch me. That memoir actually changed the way I look at life and relationships. Here I am, a stubbornly proud middle-aged pudge, and Elizabeth Edwards got through to me by being so nakedly candid about her life that I sometimes had to put the book down. She endured the unendurable by reaching out, "finding solace and strength from friends and strangers," and I'm now trying to incorporate that into my own life. At times with success. I am grateful to her, and she is one of the few strangers that I really do include in my prayers.

6) Nancy Dickerson. In the 1960s -- when Katie Couric was still in grammar school -- Nancy Dickerson was covering Washington for NBC. Her regular appearance on the news was so unusual, and her voice was so deep and resonant, that as a little gal, I put my toys down and paid attention to her. Everything about her seemed important. As I got older, I began to understand how rare her accomplishment was, reporting on government when every other female journalist was stuck with fashion or cooking, and how hard she worked. An amazing trailblazer, I wish she was appreciated more. Her son, John Dickerson, wrote a terrific book about her -- On Her Trail.

7) Eleanor Roosevelt. She got so much grief from the public in life: she was ugly, she was pushy, her voice was grating … Yet today she is revered and even has her own statue at the FDR Memorial. I think it's a testament to how correctly her personal compass was calibrated. She went her own way and did what she had to do, what had to be done. Her country, and I, are grateful.

8) Abigail Adams. Yes, yet another First Lady! I'm just learning about this one. She was a tremendous influence on her husband and his friends -- dudes like Jefferson and Franklin -- which means she has had a tremendous influence on our whole history. It was unusual for a woman in the 18th century to be taken so seriously. She wrote beautifully, too. Her letters to her "dear friend," husband John, are enlightening and even romantic. We're fortunate that we had a woman with such a sharp mind and such a sharp quill observing and chronicling the beginning of our country.

9) Miep Gies. Just as without Teacher, we wouldn't have Helen Keller's words, without Miep, we wouldn't have Anne Frank's. She helped care for the Frank family, at great personal risk, while they were in hiding and saved Anne's diary after the family's arrest. She died this year, at age 100. There's something wonderful about that. The courageous woman who gave us the most famous "diary of a young girl" lived to be a very old woman. God bless her.

10) Barbra Streisand. Yes, I was annoyed by her on this year's Oscars, too. But when I was in high school, she was a revelation. She was everywhere -- on the radio and in the movie theaters with The Way We Were. As I wrote in a post earlier this year,* she "was abrasive, noisy, idiosyncratic, and, in the final analysis, happier (than Golden Boy Redford). Barbra Streisand gave me permission. She showed by example that I could be an outsider who marched to my own drummer and still get the guy -- if only for a little while. And if he can't handle all that goes with being with ME, as I am, maybe he's not worth being with." Important then, important now.

*Hey! If I can steal the idea for this post from Kwiz, I can certainly recycle some of the content from my own blog!

All I want now is a nap

That's what happens when you eat about a dozen thin mints in one sitting. Damn you, you cute Girl Scouts selling them in the lobby!

THE QUEEN'S MEME

To play along, click here. Your participation means a great deal to our Queen.

1. If I never see Karl Rove again it will be too soon.

2. Should I meet my Maker tomorrow, I would ask for one more day on earth to straighten up so my mom won't find what I keep in "the naughty drawer."

3. Never in my life have I been less engaged in a meeting than I was today.

4. I should always allow more time to get ready in the morning; I can always find something else to do.

5. I should've never listened to a certain lover while under the influence of well ... him; he had a way.

6. QUESTION SIX DELETED BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A CAR

7. I should spend more money on accessories, like purses because it makes me happy. I should spend less money on necessities, like toilet paper and light bulbs, because it makes me sad.

8. Eye makeup should never be shared with strangers.

9. I should tell "Ralph" from LA Fitness that I never really meant to take a tour his club, I just took his card so he would leave me alone.

10. Never in a million years would I want you to know the exact contents of "the naughty drawer," or how quickly I go through batteries,

Turns out he's broke

My uncle, that is. As near as anyone can tell, he's blown through $2 million in the last two years.

He can't travel, he hasn't given much away, and no, it wasn't heavy stock market losses. I dearly wish it was one of those things, because the truth just confirms my fears that his mind is tapioca.

He blew it gambling
at the Grand Victoria Casino.

He won't go to doctors, he hasn't monitored his health, but he can somehow make it to the slots.

While the mental deterioration this indicates scares me, I'm also ambivalent about it. Because I am still going to promise him that his beloved Bennie, an aloof old gray tabby, is forever comfortable and welcome in my home. And this will be one of the first things I've been able to do for him that he knows is because I love him and appreciate the kindnesses he has shown me over the years, not because I'm trying to get into the will.

I have a magnet on my refrigerator that says, "My family is a freak show without the tent." I feel that way these days. I really do.

Movie Monday

Share your thoughts and link back here to the Bumbles.

This week's movie topic is all about Oscar...

Last night's show provided no surprises as far as who won, but the show itself did surprise and delight me. Most of the nominees were actually there, looking fine and behaving like good sports. (Remember the year when Russell Crowe just sat there like a gloomy gus?) The John Hughes tribute montage was lovely. And most of all, Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin and Neil Patrick Harris were so irreverent they were downright subversive. From NPH's song:

Why wouldn't Crosby give up Hope?
Why does Harold call Kumar when he scores dope?
And why does a prisoner drop the soap?
'Cause no one wants to do it alone

So go, go Baldwin and Martin
The biggest pair since Dolly Parton
The show's really started
And no one wants to do it alone

Bad taste? Perhaps. But it heralded an attitude adjustment this too-often self-indulgent, self-congratulatory show needed. Bravo!

A Sad Transition

My uncle has been many people during this not-quite-70 years here on earth: child of divorce, bratty brother, troubled teen, high school father, inductee, PFC, world traveler, veteran, entrepreneur, millionaire, ski aficionado, 10k racer, lover, husband, stepfather, grandfather, widower, Parkinson's sufferer and now ... incompetent invalid.

His only child, his daughter, is taking him to court soon, forcing him to face the fact that he can no longer make decisions regarding his own life. She's right.

He has two caregivers, a pair of sisters he met through church, who have no health care training and speak little English. While they care for him compassionately, they are not qualified and, truth to tell, he chose them because he can boss them around and make sure he does what he wants to do, rather than what he should do for his health.

This was supposed to be a temporary arrangement, but it's gone on for two years. They do not monitor his meds, they do not require him to get exercise or see his doctors, they do not schedule regular activities for him ... He complains all the time about how much they cost, but no one knows for sure what he's paying them. I am in no way implying that they are intentionally exploiting him. I am grateful for the care they shower on him. But they are not qualified to be his 24/7 care givers, and they are also unable to view his world with a cynical eye because they struggle with English. My uncle is a very wealthy man, and now an old and sick one, which makes him vulnerable. They don't get that, and he refuses to. Here's a scary fact: the only place he goes regularly is the floating casino. He chose his new home based on proximity to "the boats," not to any of us.

He is terrified by this legal turn of events, phoning my mother, reading documents to her over the phone, asking her what this or that means. My mother has left a message for the lawyer on all these papers, asking for clarification. No one has spoken to my cousin, his daughter. My uncle is too frightened of pissing her off.

This is so shocking. My uncle has been, at many times in his life, a tough and angry son-of-a-bitch with a mean streak a mile wide. He has long enjoyed the status he believes his money gives him. For him to be passive, submissive, turning to my mother for help instead of screaming at his own damn lawyer (to our knowledge, he has yet to hire one) is frightening me.

And bears out that, as unpleasant as this turn of events is, it's time.

While my uncle has shown his ugly side to many in this family, I have no complaints about how he's treated me. He's always been good to me, kind to me in ways he views as small but meant the world to me as I was growing up. He bought me my first Beatle record ("Love Me Do/PS I Love You"). After he came home from Viet Nam, he let me bring him to school for "show and tell." (I remember him in his khakis, sitting on the radiator in my third-grade classroom.) When I first moved out, he took me to buy a stereo on time, showing me how to build a credit rating.

I can't say that his relationship with his daughter has been as positive. I commend her for all the work and care she has given him, or tried to give him. I had a difficult relationship with my own dad and can't imagine being in her position.

Because my uncle is proud, I am not calling him or my cousin. If he wanted to discuss this with me, he would. I'm gutlessly glad he hasn't, because I would have a difficult time discussing this with him without revealing that I agree with his daughter -- it is time for him to relinquish his freedom in exchange for managed care.

But with my mother's permission, I would like to send him a note. One of his major concerns in all this is his cat, Bennie. If he's suddenly institutionalized, will Bennie starve? Really. The scrappy bastard who played hardball in legal and financial dealings is unable to figure out how to care for his old tabby cat.

I'd like to reassure him that, as long as I have breath in body, Bennie has a home. I think that would comfort him, as a few years ago, when he was still more together mentally, he said he thought it was commendable -- not silly -- that I had a bank account and provisions exclusively for the care of my cats in the event of my own passing.

This is all so hard for my mother. He is still her baby brother, the only other survivor of their turbulent, long-ago nuclear family. She is worried that he may take his own life. (He has parted with his car, but not his guns.) I told her that if he does, that's between him and God. He is scared, he is suffering, and he's living with the certainty that while he will never get better, he will most assuredly get worse. I can't imagine what it's like to be him. If he chooses to exit by his own hand, I don't judge. For while I believe life is His to give and to take, who is to know that God means for people like my uncle to linger with a disease that would have killed him by now in previous generations? I just hope my uncle prays on his decision. I know he has a pastor he respects, but I also know my uncle has been avoiding more and more people.

There are no winners, and no happiness in this saga. Only varying degrees of sad.

I miss her

Strange, isn't it? I'm watching The Queen, starring Helen Mirren in her Oscar-winning turn as Elizabeth, yet it was clips of Diana that captured my attention. And made me sad for her, yet again.

I wish she was still with us. I'd like to think that she would finally be happy, finally reconciled to Charles and Camilla, finally making the most of her estimable gifts to move people. Maybe she'd be remarried, maybe she'd have the daughter she always wanted. Look at her ... wouldn't it be neat to think of her as the mother of the groom, playing a role in William's public and private lives?

It's no secret to anyone to who reads this blog that JBKO is my all-time heroine: a woman who lived an extraordinary life in her own way. While you can't examine Jackie's life without acknowledging the tragedies, the whole of her life strikes me as anything but tragic.

But Diana, poor Diana ... I'm so sorry she's gone and so sorry she never found lasting happiness. And, because of the public nature of her life, I'm sorry I didn't get to see it.

I hope Sunday is as good as Saturday

NO pain pills! Not a one. Not at all, all day Saturday. I may finally be emerging from this obnoxious thing. Being in a certain amount of pain, every day, since late January has been taking its toll on me. It's about freaking time I put this behind me!

God bless them, every one

I just watched The Hurt Locker on On Demand and am sorry ...

• Sorry I watched it, because it is numbingly tense and violent. As it should be. Because it is about a real war, going on in a real place, where soldiers and civilians are really dying.

• Sorry I missed it at the theaters. Because if the tension and violence had this impact on me in my living room, I can only imagine what they would have been like in a darkened theater. While it's an intense, ugly and horrible subject, I need to confront it and think about it more because I am ...

• Sorry I don't often remind myself that there are troops facing this right now, and in my name, and I should.

In that way, this movie is like Precious, another Oscar-nominated film. There I lives I don't think of often enough, but I should. While I didn't enjoy The Hurt Locker, I appreciate it and am grateful for it. Because it reminds me of all those other souls I should be more grateful for.

Not Leo's fault but ...

... I figured Shutter Island out pretty early on, and that kinda spoiled the creepy, scary fun the rest of the audience was having. Damn! I was looking forward to this one, too.

He's distracting me!

Nigel is actually shooting the contestants on this episode of America's Next Top Model. If that weren't enough, he's shooting them in the pool so he's wearing a wet suit! What was originally intended as background noise* as I race around, getting ready for a productive Saturday, stopped me completely in my tracks.

Damn you, yummy mysterious Nigel Barker!

*Somehow this doesn't happen when my background noise is Clark Howard on CNN.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Your Smiling Face

1. No matter what's going on in your life, what always makes you smile? The color of the sky. The Chicago River. The song "September" by Earth, Wind and Fire.

2. What's the biggest lie you've ever told? God, it's hard to believe this was ever a big deal at all, but at the time, it really was: When I was in high school, I told my parents and sister that I was my English teacher's favorite student and that he helped me after class. It wasn't true -- I didn't need help after class; English was one of my few easy A's. But I wanted my parents to think he was great so my dad wouldn't embarrass me at the school open house by commenting on my teacher's unconventional appearance. I forgot two things: (1) My parents were going to meet and talk to him at the open house and (2) my older sister had him in a class, too. I spent a sleepless night or two, worried that my lie would be found out. It wasn't. I forgot that my dad's bark was worse than his bite and he didn't even speak to my teacher at the open house, and that my sister was too competitive with me to even acknowledge our familial relationship in her class.

3. Do you hold a grudge? Yes. If it had been a competition in Vancouver, I'd be wearing gold right now.

4. What is the worst job you've ever had? Copywriter at a software engineering company. I had no idea what I was doing and quit after six months. Shhh! I never included it in my rez.

5. What would be your dream job? Sometimes I really want to be a pet sitter.

6. What is the happiest event you've experienced? When my niece was little, she was obsessed with the animated Anastasia. She had a dream where she walked into an Anastasia store where she could purchase everything Anastasia for $100, and she had exactly $100 in her purse. I went on eBay and purchased Anastasia memorabilia from all over the world (my favorite: plastic Anasastia medallions that had been packaged in cereal boxes in Ireland). I spread them out all over my apartment and put a sign on the front door: Anastasia Store -- Everything $100. The look on her face when she came in the door, the way she clasped her hands together under her chin and looked around the room in wonderment at the Anastasia dolls and books and puzzles and pillowcase, etc. ... I'll never forget it. How often in life do you get to make someone's dream come true?

7. What is the saddest thing you've experienced? After the 2004 Presidential election, I had to put my cat Billy to sleep because he had bone cancer. It was shattering. I had worked very hard on Senator Kerry's campaign for nearly a year and could not believe the nation had rejected him. Then there was Billy, sweet Billy, who deserved never to suffer because he was such a sensitive, melancholy spirit. It felt like, during those few days, the entire world was dark and bleak and completely wrong. There was hardly anywhere I could turn that provided relief. Except my best friend. That's when we first bonded. He was completely there for me and spoke to me for hours. In case you wondered why I care so much about that relationship, it's because he's the only one in my life who understood (or tried to understand) why watching the Ohio results come in while knowing what I faced with poor, weak Billy, was my personal nadir.

8. Do you tend to exaggerate or underestimate? Exaggerate. During times of stress at work I have been known to say, " ... and we'll miss our due date and Christmas will be cancelled and we'll all die." I suppose that's a slight exaggeration.

9. List the cars that you have owned. Give us just a few words about each one. Chevy Impala. Too big and hard to park, too expensive to fill with gas, and I couldn't wait to get rid of it. I've never had another car.