Thursday Thirteen #426

"Criminals, not monsters." I saw that Bryan Kohberger is unhappy in prison because the other inmates harass and taunt him. While he's in solitary confinement, the industrious and imaginative prisoners have figured out how to call out to him through the air vents and plumbing (apparently even his toilet is mocking him).

It's hard for me to feel sorry for a man who admitted to killing four unarmed people in the privacy of their own home. But clearly the other prisoners in this maximum security Idaho prison are not angels, either. So I wonder what it is about Kohberger that makes him a particular target for scorn.

Well, it turns out that a common phrase among prisoners is, "We're criminals, not monsters." According to true crime buffs and reporters who cover these cases, some offenders are just too offensive, even for other convicts. Here's a hierarchy – a hall of shame, if you will – of how perpetrators are targeted for tough treatment behind bars.

1. Extensive press coverage. Hello, Mr. Kohberger. Inmates who have been locked up for a long time will happily go out of their way to show celebrities that they aren't so special.

2. Crimes against children. This includes physical crimes and child porn. These inmates are in such danger of abuse that they are often held in protective custody.

3. Snitches. Who wants to live with someone you can't trust? Informants are also often held in protective custody. 

4. Sexual predators. Specifically serial offenders. They're considered twisted ("that's what gets you off?") and losers ("can't you get it any other way?"),

5. Crimes against the elderly or disabled. "Too easy" and "pick on somebody your own size."

6. Spousal abuse. Especially if the victim was "the mother of your children."

7. Cruelty to animals. Prisoners often miss the pets they had to leave behind when they were incarcerated. Someone who willingly hurts a dog or cat or other pet has to be psychotic.

8. Prison thieves. Don't steal from your fellow inmates! Retribution will be painful.

9. White collar criminals. These convicts are typically not incarcerated in maximum security institutions. But if they do end up with more violent offenders, they don't get much respect but, on the other hand, they don't face too much harassment, either. 

10. Drug dealers. Depends on the case. Unless they were selling to kids, drug dealers are often considered unlucky entrepreneurs and left alone. 

11. Drug smugglers. Left alone because they likely have important and useful connections on the outside.

12. Hit men. It was business, not personal. Nobody cares.

13. Organized crime or gang members. Treated with respect, unless they took a plea deal. (See #3.)

 

 

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

 

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Agatha Raisin and the Fairies of Fryham by MC Beaton. My girl Agatha begins this story at loose ends. Her neighbor (and great love) James Lacey has left town on an extended vacation didn't even bother to say goodbye. She's bored and anxious in her little Cottswold cottage and believes a change of scenery will help. She recalled that a fortune teller told her that her future and true loves lies in Norfolk, so she decides to pack up the cats and spend autumn about 3 hours away in Norfolk.

 

She lands in Fryham. It's an odd little town. Very insular. Everyone knows everyone else, so she sticks out like a sore thumb. Weird shit starts happening – items disappear from her rented cottage while unidentified lights flicker in her backyard. None of her new neighbors seem willing to weigh in on, or even acknowledge, these occurrences. No one has gotten dead yet, but it's only a matter of pages, I'm sure.

 

I enjoy Agatha because she is a lot like me – short tempered, cynical, yet romantic. If I had more money, I'd love to spend my retirement like she's spending hers – taking off on short trips and having adventures. (Though I really don't think I'd like to run into dead bodies everywhere I go.) 

2. What did you recently finish reading? JFK Jr.: An Intimate Oral Biography by RoseMarie Terenzio and Liz McNeil. John's friends and coworkers remember his life and their relationships.They paint a three-dimensional picture of a complex man. He was impatient and impulsive but driven and self-aware. He was very loyal and kept friends throughout his life, and the vast majority of them were neither wealthy nor celebrities. He suffered three major traumas by the age of 14 – he lost his father, his uncle and his stepfather – and was forced to mourn in public each time. The psychic toll, plus the price of fame and the weight of carrying his father's name, may have contributed to his recklessness. It also imbued him with empathy. I liked him. (Even though his taste in music left me cold.)

This book found me at the right time. It ends with the people who loved him recounting their reaction to his death in real time, and how they've dealt with the aftermath. It was strangely comforting to read of their fury, even 25 years later. The tragic, unvarnished truth is that his bad judgement killed him, his wife and her sister. 

In 2024 I lost my friends Henry and John. Henry got drunk and rode his bike through a red light and into the side of a van. John knew he was ill and refused to see a doctor until it was too late. I loved them both so very much and am so very mad at them for leaving me when I still need them. When they didn't have to! Reading the passages from John's friends was cathartic. I was heartened by something a priest said to Ann Freeman, mother of both Carolyn and Lauren Bessette: "God is big enough to handle our anger." I will carry that in my heart.

3. What will you read next?

 

  

 

August Happiness Challenge – Day 26

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Today's happiness: My left knee. I went to yoga this morning and found my left knee was far more flexible than it's been. It was almost exactly a year that this knee was diagnosed with a "slightly torn" meniscus and arthritis. I've been doing my stretches – more often than not – and gave up the daily ice packs and ibuprofen long ago. But today was the first time I was able to sit cross legged on the mat, letting both my knees (even that pesky left one) fall open. My mobility is important to me, and I consider this a good sign.

 

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

 

August Happiness Challenge – Day 25

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Today's happiness: Purr. I admit it: Today was not great. It was just one of those days, you know? No baseball, weird shift at work, I didn't like this week's movie group film, my new shoes pinched ... I was going to have to dig for today's happiness. And then Roy Hobbs hopped up, placed his chin on my forearm, looked up at me and started to purr. Bliss!

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

 

August Happiness Challenge – Day 24

My 2025 Happiness Icon

Today's happiness: Go, Cubs, Go! My guys swept the Angels. That's three in a row and 8 wins in their last 10 games. It made me happy that Tina, an LA-based former coworker I recently reconnected with at the TCM Film Festival, was at the game.

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

Sunday Stealing

Morning Meme

1) What do you typically have for breakfast? Chocolate milk.

2) What was your favorite breakfast cereal when you were a kid? Triple Snack. It disappeared from store shelves after a couple years. I guess pouring milk on peanuts was a non-starter in most households. But this little gal loooooved it.

I was happy to find the above clip. I almost thought I'd imagined Triple Snack.

  
3) Orange juice, tomato juice or cranberry juice? I'm gonna go rogue here and say apple juice.

4) What time is your alarm clock set for? No one time. 7:00 on Tuesdays (for yoga) and 8:00 on days when I work. Before covid, when I worked downtown every day, my alarm was set for 6:00, but I woke up at the same time for so many years I often didn't need the alarm.

5) Do you have any tips for preventing stress and making the morning go more smoothly? Decide what you're going to wear the day before, right down to necklace, watch and earrings.

 

August Happiness Challenge – Day 23

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Today's happiness: I took the high road. I know my friend Elaine cares about me. She has shown it often and in many ways. That said, she can be heedless of my feelings. I think some of it is cultural. She grew up in a very old school Chinese-American household and outward displays of emotion and self-expression are just not her way. I don't think she recognizes my sensitivity.

 

Today she sent me a long email about the progress of her renovation project. She's obviously excited. I admit it: I was tempted to be dismissive, as she recently was over something important to me. But I wasn't.

 

Because here's the thing: I'm sure her slight wasn't intentional. Mine would be. She may have been callous, but I would have been vindictive. That's not who I want to be. That's not the friend she deserves.

 

I guess I'm happy that, at this old age, I'm growing up. 

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: We Belong Together (2005)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

This month we're going to recall Summer Songs. These will all be records that topped the charts during August.

1) Number 1 on the charts in August 20 years ago, "We Belong Together" is about the end of this romantic relationship. Mariah sings that now she won't have anyone to talk to on the phone until the sun comes up. That was then. Today many people prefer to text than to talk on the phone. Are you one of those people? No! Of course, texts are fine for, "I'm on my way ..." or "Running late." But for everything else, I'd much rather have a conversation, where I can hear your voice and ask you for clarification. Fewer misunderstandings and greater connection with phone calls. Failing that, I'd prefer a nice, long email that truly expresses how you feel. 

2) The video for this song features an elaborate wedding. Tell us about the last wedding you attended. My friend Kathleen's daughter got married almost a year ago. I held her as a baby, so it was rather emotional for me to see her as a beautiful bride. It really is a gift to watch someone grow up before your eyes.

3) Mariah believes she inherited her musical gifts from her mom, who was an opera singer and vocal coach. When things were hectic in their household, Mariah recalls that music helped bring her and her mom closer together. Share a happy childhood memory featuring you and one of your parents. I realize now how much effort my mom put into preserving Santa Claus for us. Santa's gifts came in special wrapping paper. The tags were written in a different ink and an unfamiliar handwriting (her left hand). Things like that. It was really sweet, how seriously she took it and how important maintaining that magic was to her.

4) After graduating from high school in Long Island, Mariah Carey went to Manhattan in search of stardom. While waiting for her big break, she enrolled in beauty school and waited tables. Both stylists and servers receive gratuities for their services. Do you consider yourself a good tipper? I try.

5) The Fresh Air Fund operates six camps in the New York area to provide kids with a chance to learn and explore outdoors. They named Camp Mariah in Ms. Carey's honor to thank her for her support. Here's your chance to toot your own horn. Tell us about an honor you received. (Anything from a major award to a handmade drawing that says "World's Best Mom" counts. We want to hear about it.) Back in the 1990s I won a Clio. I used to be very proud of it, because it's advertising's most prestigious award. With time, I stopped displaying it in my office and never mentioned it because advertising is such an ageist industry. Eventually I actually became ashamed of it because I won it before some of my coworkers were born. I thought the year it was bestowed on me branded me as a dinosaur. Now that the advertising chapter of my life is over, I realize that was kind of sad. My work won national recognition. I wish I had enjoyed it more.

6) Mariah has mentioned she enjoys pizza and red wine. Will you be enjoying either pizza or red wine this weekend? Had pizza today (Friday) so I doubt I'll repeat. Unfortunately, wine gives me migraines, so that's a very hard no.

Let's look at the summer of 2005.

7) The biggest news story that summer was Hurricane Katrina. This deadly and destructive storm killed over 1,000 people and did more than $100 billion in damage. Have you ever endured a natural disaster (such as hurricane, flood, landslide, tornado, blizzard, wildfire)? When I was 9, we had what Chicagoans still refer to as The Big Snow. More than 20" fell in just a few hours. It wasn't just the snow total – which was prodigious – it was the speed with which Mother Nature dumped it on us. While the adults in my world were freaking out as all roads, schools and businesses closed, I had a glorious time. There were such drifts in our backyard that I was able to walk over to our neighbor's property. The snow had completely obliterated their 5' chain link fence. My mom warned me to never, never, never do that again. As the snow melted I could have been impaled on that fence. But when you're 9, you don't think of such things. You're just having adventures.

8) Popular that summer was Kingda Ka, the new roller coaster at Six Flags Great America in Jackson, NJ. At the time, it was the tallest and fastest roller coaster in the world. Have you been to any fairs or amusement parks this summer? No. It's been too hot!

9) Award-winning American figure skater Alysa Liu was born in August of 2005. NBC Sports and their Peacock network report that figure skating events get high ratings. What's your favorite sport to watch on TV? Go, Cubs, Go!

 

 

August Happiness Challenge – Day 22

My 2025 Happiness Icon

Today's happiness: My Chief Global Strategist. I had my regularly scheduled check in with my "wealth manager."* It was short (30 minutes) and straightforward, as everything is going as expected – at least as well as we can anticipate anything in Trump's chaotic world. Who knows what he'll do that might rock the markets, just to distract conversation from The Big Beautiful Bill and, of course, Epstein? So, while I was happy to hear where my retirement funds are invested (tech, energy, financial services), I was eager to ask how these decisions are made.

 

Seems that my local guy has two weekly calls. The first is with his supervisor, right here in Chicagoland, who oversees the portfolios like mine. The second is a Zoom call with the bank's Chief Global Strategist. He is legitimately one of nation's premier investment strategists. I saw him on CNBC not that long ago, weighing in Jay Powell's decision to keep interest rates where they are. 

 

Look at me, having a top flight financial team! 

 

I am so glad I got professional help managing my portfolio. Nobody is expert at everything, and I admit I don't know much about investing. I worry so much less now, and less worry makes me happy. 

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 *That still cracks me up. If I were a wealthy woman, would I be working at a card shop for $16/hour?

 

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

August Happiness Challenge – Day 21

My 2025 Happiness Icon

Today's happiness: TCM. I had a lazy day. Not much to show for it. Watched baseball, went to one bank for the condo association's business and another bank for my own, dropped off a bag of canned goods at the food pantry ... It was a fine day, weatherwise, so I was happy to be outdoors for much of it. BUT there's so much I should do indoors. My home is such a mess and I can be so lazy.

 

Yesterday was Jimmy Cagney Day on TCM Summer Under the Stars. I scrolled through my DVR and found I'd recorded Love Me or Leave Me. I love that movie. I know it so well and have seen it so many times. I had it on in the background as I really washed the kitchen floor. Usually I vacuum and Swiffer it. Not today. With Cagney and Doris Day to amuse me, I was inspired to get on my hands and knees and scrub it first with Mr. Clean, then rinse it with white vinegar. I love how it looks and feels under my bare feet.

 

I know me. If I hadn't spent this evening scrubbing the floor, I would have felt I'd wasted the day. But right now I feel good. So I'm grateful I have TCM to be my spur, my amusement. For giving me movies that I have come to know so well that they are like old friends and make me so happy.*

  

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 *Which is not to say Love Me or Leave Me is a happy movie. It's about a very toxic relationship. But it's so real and well done!

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

 

Thursday Thirteen #425

Farewell to a friend. With the last episode of And Just Like That, Sarah Jessica Parker is hanging up her stilettos and saying farewell to her famous alter ego, Carrie Bradshaw. I've seen every SJP iteration of Carrie,* which includes six seasons of Sex and the City, two movies, and now three seasons of And Just Like That. While I really couldn't stand AJLT, I stuck with it because I'm so fond of Carrie. And so, I devote this TT to my imaginary friend.

1. She was born Caroline Marie Bradshaw. My guess for her year of birth is 1965, same as SJP. 

2. We never learn where Carrie was from,* we just know it was a small town. Only a small town girl could fall in love with the city like Carrie did. (I know. I love Chicago like she loves NYC.)  

3. New York is so central to Carrie that two different companies offer Sex and City site tours. 

4. When we first meet Carrie, she writes a weekly column for a New York paper called "Sex and the City." It becomes so popular that her column is advertised on the side of a bus. She parlays her following and augments her salary by occasionally writing for Vogue.

5. When, at Vogue, she is asked by a colleague about her childhood, she confesses her father abandoned her and her mom when she was 5 years old. I think that explains so much about her relationships with men.

6. Collections of her columns were published in book form. The first one was optioned for a movie to star Matthew McConaughey (who played himself in the Hollywood episode), yet no film was ever made. I liked that, because it happens all the time.

7. When she smokes, she smokes Marlboro Lights. She has quit smoking several times throughout the series.

8. At the beginning of the show, she often ordered cosmopolitans – and for that I will forever be grateful because they are delicious. She drank less and less as the seasons wore on, as we tend to when we move from our 30s to our 40s and beyond. 

9. Her passion has always been fashion. While she is drawn to designers (the show made Manolo Blahnik a household name), she is proud of her thrift finds. 

10. She does not wear scrunchies. (IYKYK.)

11. Her best friends were Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha. I loved how involved they were in one another's lives. As her lover-then-husband said, "You girls are the loves of her life. Any guy would be lucky to come in fourth." 

12. Which doesn't mean she couldn't be self centered. One of the things I loved about the (original) series is that Carrie could be very human in her failings. (Like when she seemed to expect Charlotte to loan her money, or when she sent her boyfriend to Miranda's apartment in response to Miranda call for help.) 

13. In season 4, she put a name to my evenings: SSB (Secret Single Behavior). SSB is what we enjoy doing when we're home alone and confident no one is watching. Carrie liked to take sleeve after sleeve of saltines, spread jelly on each cracker, and eat them while standing in her kitchen, reading Vogue. Charlotte confessed to examining her pores in a magnifying mirror, Miranda slathered lotion on her hands, put gloves on, and watched The Home Shopping Network. I will not tell you mine. 

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

 

 *There was a prequel called The Carrie Diaries, but I haven't seen it.

August Happiness Challenge – Day 20

My 2025 Happiness Icon

Today's happiness: A good day at work.

•  First I helped a man choose a card for his 49th wedding anniversary ("You Are the One Decision I've Never Second Guessed"). How sweet is that! Then ...

•  I showed her a young woman my favorite pen and told her I used it to write campaign postcards. "Gotta save Democracy," I smiled. She opened her bag and took out a copy of The Bill of Rights! 20-something and she carries the Bill of Rights in her purse. She gave me hope.

  

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

WWW.WEDNESDAY

 

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? JFK Jr.: An Intimate Oral Biography by RoseMarie Terenzio and Liz McNeil. Terenzio – John's personal assistant – teamed up with People magazine correspondent McNeil to collect and edit reminiscences from people who knew him throughout his life. While the book was done with Caroline Kennedy's knowledge, it does not benefit from her participation. Maybe that's just as well. We're encountering John and his singular life the way his classmates and coworkers did.

 

As I write this post, I just finished Collegiate School with John. He spent the school year in NYC and holidays at the Kennedy compound at Hyannis or on the Christina, Aristotle Onassis' luxury yacht, in Greece. While terms like "compound" and "yacht" were not bandied about by my friends growing up, it was not unusual among his classmates. He went to school with Manhattan's elite, the children of movie stars and Broadway glitterati, network executives and captains of industry. 

 

Instead it was his ridiculous level of fame that defined him and made him stand out. Take, for example, fire drills. Every schools has them, right? At Collegiate, all the kids, including John, practiced filing out of the building. But every once in a while, during a drill, Secret Service agents would pull John out of line and spirit him away in a car. His classmates understood that, on those days, the fire drill was really the response to a bomb threat or assassination attempt aimed at John. Your whole school evacuated because of you! I can't imagine how isolating, how embarrassing, that must be for a boy between the ages of 8 and 13. I think only Princes William and Harry could relate to this. 

2. What did you recently finish reading? Contents Under Pressure by Edna Buchanan. Reporter Britt Montero works the crime beat on a major Miami newspaper. She's really good at her job, and uncovers one of the city's biggest stories when a retired football player and local hero dies after a run-in with the police. D. Wayne Hudson was black, the cops were white and Cuban. There are charges of police brutality and a high-profile trial with dangerous ramifications. 

It's an interestingly crafted book. I enjoyed going along with Britt as she peeled back the layers of cover up and corruption. When what happened to D. Wayne goes to the courts, I was about 75% done. The pace slowed and I very nearly DNF'd the book. I mean, all these pages just to cover off on Britt's love life? Yawn. Anyway, I'm glad I didn't. There's a sudden plot twist and some genuinely harrowing shit goes down. I admit it: Edna Buchanan shocked me.

3. What will you read next? I don't know.

 

  

 

 

August Happiness Challenge – Day 19

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Today's happiness: BOTH games of the double header! My Cubs took two from the Milwaukee Brewers, the best team in baseball. Their All Star Break slump has ended in style, and I'm going to sleep happy.

  

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

Working it through

Are you as sick of reading about my grief as I am of feeling it? I spent some time discussing it with my shrink today and she thinks I'm doing as well as can be expected, and my impatience is a good thing – it means I'm inching my way through it. She warned me, though, about "toxic positivity." That I shouldn't work too hard to put a good face on my feelings, because that's not real and it won't help my healing.

One thing that's helped me get a grip on the grief is putting it in perspective, examining the "why" behind it. It's bothered me that my mourning for Henry and John has been greater than my grief over losing my mom. Somehow that doesn't seem right, does it? I mean, they were my dearest friends but she was my mother. What did this say about me?

Nothing. It says nothing.

Part of what got me through losing my mom was having Henry and John. Henry met my mother and they got along so well. John had already lost his own mother and knew just what to say. 

And they weren't just my friends, they were the brothers I chose. If my mom was here today, she'd help me through losing Henry and John. But she's not. 

So I don't have Henry. I don't have John. I don't have my mom and my oldest friend is too chaotic and absorbed with her own stuff to be any help. I'm facing this with no ballast. So of course I'm struggling.

Understanding this helps.  

Now I just want the pain to be over already!

August Happiness Challenge – Day 18

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Today's happiness: No alarm. I had absolutely nothing on my calendar for Monday except movie group at 6:30 PM. It felt so luxurious to just roll over and go back to sleep.

  

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

August Happiness Challenge – Day 17

My 2025 Happiness Icon

Today's happiness: Texting with my nephew. He was on vacation with his parents last week, so we only communicated on the big things: Cubs catcher Miguel Amaya's injury and his meeting his niece, Violet, for the first time. But today was his first day back home and back to his regular schedule and and so we resumed contact throughout the day. I'm happy he's so willing to chat with an old fart like me.

  

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash