Thursday Thirteen #335

13 mysteries about cats. I was listening to cat behaviorist Jackson Galaxy the other day and he said he often decides what topics to tackle on his website/podcasts by going to Google. That's how he finds out what us cat fanciers are wondering about.

I wondered about what we wonder. And so I went to the Google machine and here are the questions I found.

1. Why do cats lick you? Here are 8 reasons from Rover.com.  Short answer: They're bonding with you and marking you with their scent.

2. Why do cats purr? Usually it's because your cat is relaxed and happy. Sometimes they do it to "woo" us and persuade us to feed them.

3. Why do cats make biscuits? I prefer "kneading." Here are 10 reasons from Rover.com. Short answer: It's instinctive behavior, carried over from kittenhood, and my cats do it when they're feeling affectionate.

4. Why do cats sleep so much? It's genetic. They're cats! If you want more, here are 7 reasons from Rover.com. These folks are so good at this, they should change their name to Kitty.com.

5. Why do cats eat grass? It's good for them. Benefits of grass guzzling include faster, easier bowel movements and vomiting, and vitamins. Read more about it here.

6. Why do cats meow? It's how they talk to us. Cats meow more to people than they do to other animals.

7. Why do cats like catnip? It enters your cat's system through the nose and releases a euphoric reaction. In short, your cat is getting a harmless, natural high.

8. Why do cats hate water? Once cat fur gets wet, it takes a long time to dry. So a wet cat feels cold and weighed down, which is pretty icky.

9. Why do cats hiss? It's an instant reaction to a sudden negative emotion: fear, anxiety or anger. A hissing cat isn't in control and should be given a wide berth.

10. Why do cats like boxes so much? Predators themselves, cats are aware they can be prey. A confined space makes a cat feel safe.

11. Why do cats groom each other? It has less to do with cleanliness and than communication. Grooming can convey affection, trust and dominance.

12. Why do cats do airplane ears? It's a sign of anxiety, kinda like a precursor to hissing. Airplane ears mean, "I really, really wish you'd quit what you're doing."

13. Why do cats to bunny kicks? When a cat drops to the floor and starts kicking with its back legs, it's showing you one of its more versatile moves. Bunny kicks provide effective self-defense and are also useful for gutting prey. (Yeah, I know. Ew, ick.)

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

An attagirl from Brandon!

This week I had took my 35th yoga class. It was noteworthy not just as a milestone, but because Brandon -- who is a badass human pretzel -- told me one of my poses was "great."

I freely acknowledge I am the worst in the class. I could be Brandon's mom, and I'm aware that the 1999 Springsteen tour shirt I wear is older than some of my classmates. I'm overweight, uncoordinated
and have a bad back. But I show up. 

So I took that unsolicited smile and praise from Brandon to mean I am improving, and my sincere efforts are recognized by the guy on the next mat.* 

It felt so good!

*Rachel, our instructor, gives me words of encouragement every week. But that's her job, isn't it? It meant more from Brandon.

Photo by Junseong Lee on Unsplash

Every Laura needs a Millie

It's over with Robert. He's the man my oldest friend met online last spring. They fell into bed on their second date -- so very unlike her -- because she felt a deep connection. She believed that since they were lovers they were in love. She was, therefore, disillusioned when she went back to the dating site to cancel her subscription and saw his account remained still active and he was still "looking."

She confronted him and he explained that her health and mobility issues (she walks with cane) "bother" him. But, while they agreed they were not right romantically, they could be friends. And he has been very good to her. He took her to the ER after a fall, he took care of her cats and picked her up from the hospital after her bout with congestive heart failure. They've gone to the movies and he invited her to parties at his house. They texted daily when he was visiting his daughter in Oregon.

I told her I thought her she was becoming too dependent on Robert because she knows he's still dating and looking for a romantic partner. She assured me she'd be fine when he gets another woman in his life. That he's her friend and she wants him to be happy. 

I insist life doesn't work that way. I said that his as-yet-unmet new woman, who I always referred to as Suzette, won't allow it. "Robert, why is that woman always around? How did you meet her?" Suzette would ask. "Oh, you slept with her a couple times? I'm sorry, darling, but I'm just not comfortable with you running over there every time she calls."

My oldest friend insisted that she can't worry about things she can't control, things that haven't happened. I agree. But she could widen her circle of friends and pursue interests away from Robert so next time she is sick or lonely, she has someone nearby other than Robert to turn to.* Of course she didn't do this.

Over the weekend, Robert took her and another friend to a meditation event at a Buddhist temple. They all had a lovely time. Robert announced that he was going to be unavailable this weekend's get-together at the temple he's going to Las Vegas with his "new girlfriend." He didn't give her name, but he added that he met her through his daughter while visiting Oregon. So he was dating this new "Suzette" while texting my friend every day. My friend feels betrayed.

I understand why she feels this way, but I don't think it's fair. He made it clear to her that he wants a lover who can more fully participate in his life. The parameters of their relationship was "just friends."

I told her I get that she's lonely and encouraged her to reach out and try to make new friends next time she visits that Buddhist temple.

"He goes there. If you think I can go back with him there, you don't know me at all." Well, that just put me back on my heels!

"Are you in love with him?" I asked.

"Yes." 

This is so unutterably sad. She is overweight and diabetic with heart disease and a bum leg. I understand why that isn't what he wants in a lover, but I know she can't change all that overnight.

After we talked for a while longer, she called Robert. She told him she wished him well, but that, feeling about him as she does, she just can't be around him anymore.

"All he kept saying is, 'I'm so sorry.' He didn't say, 'Call me if you need me.'" 

I told her I thought that was best, because if she called when she needed him, she would backslide and she'd just be hurt again.

BFFs from the Dick Van Dyke Show

But now she is very alone again, and that's sad, too.* She's back on the senior dating site, corresponding with an Army vet in his 70s. They haven't met yet. I don't want to dissuade her from romance, but I don't think that's what she needs right now.

She needs a Millie Helper. Or, if you prefer your MTM as Mary Richards, she needs a Rhoda. A friend you can count on to keep your secrets, make you laugh, and come over to feed your cats when you're in the hospital.

I am lucky. I am surrounded by pals. I miss my oldest friend, of course, but I have Elaine, Nancy, Joanna, Will, and John. There's tremendous comfort in that. I wish the same for her.

*Yes, she has family in SoCal. But her daughter is more than an hour away. Her cousin is 15 minutes away, but while Cuz says she cares about my friend, she really can't be bothered.

California, Here I Come!

The TCM Classic Film Festival is so very ON! And I am so very happy.

A few short months ago, the fate of my favorite TV channel was in jeopardy. But after a viewer uprising and the intervention of a trio of very important directors (Spielberg, Scorsese and Paul Thomas Anderson), Warner Bros/Discovery decided to find another way to save money.

So the show will go on, and I will be in attendance. I've got my hotel reservation and on December 6, I buy my pass. In January, I'll book my flight.

I have a plan and I love a plan!

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? An Unwanted Guest by Shari Lapena. I'm looking for escapism, and this one neatly fits the bill.

 

When the guests check into Mitchell's Inn in the Catskills, they're looking for days of cross-country skiing and snow-shoeing, nights of good food and wine and relaxing by the fire. Then a massive, sudden storm hits. They lose power and their ability to even go outdoors.

And these stranded guests start getting dead. 

Yes, it's very much like And Then There Were None. I loved And Then There Were None. So far, I like this, too.

 

2. What did you recently finish reading? Bogie & Bacall by William J. Mann. This book starts with the premise that Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall are the most iconic, most romantic Hollywood couple of all time. I simply don't agree. Taylor and Burton, Lucy and Desi, Newman and Woodward were all, I believe, sexier and more talented, more tempestuous and interesting, and those unions created more work that I enjoy. 

 

But maybe the fact that I'm not a major fan enabled me to approach this with clearer eyes. This big (650+ pages) book is a dual biography of the stars and I now like each of them less but respect them more.

I learned that Bogart, the on-screen tough guy, was a New York blue blood who failed at all the best schools, while Bacall, who presented herself as the epitome of elegance, was the daughter of a struggling single mother and she grew up knocking around the Bronx and Brooklyn. 

Their great love story was real but it was frequently not so great. He was 45 and she was 20 on their wedding day. He was an established, Oscar-nominated, world-weary, thrice-divorced alcoholic who married an unsophisticated model-turned-actress just out of her teens. Naturally this union would have problems. He was set in his ways and reluctant to change. He still indulged in boozy nights out brawling with the boys and weekends away on his boat. She enjoyed socializing with celebrities in high style and much, much preferred dry land. They both sought emotional -- if not sexual -- comfort outside their marriage. Neither of them appears to have been especially involved as parents.

Then he got cancer, and shit got real. He needed her, and she was there. Bed pans and bandages and oxygen, she handled it all. I found this part of the book very moving. It may not have been sexy or romantic, but it was love.

She reinvented herself after he died. It took her awhile. She made lots of mistakes -- astonishingly heedless of the trauma her son endured, being 7 and right there when his father died at home -- and was not especially likeable. But she endured. I may not have ever wanted her as a friend, but when I put the book down I had admiration for her.

 

3. What will you read next? I don't know.

Deplorables behaving deplorably

Donald Trump once again made fun of a hammer attack against an 80+ year old man in his own home. His audience once again laughed.

Presumably the New Testament I was raised on is the same one that MAGA Republicans claim to adhere to. Walk me through it. Explain how this behavior squares with your faith. It doesn't match up with mine. Not at all.

This is cruelty and hate. Apparently, if you're MAGA, you enjoy this sort of thing, so I'll post it for your viewing pleasure. (Actually, I hope this will motivate people of conscience to realize what is happening with about 40% of our fellow citizens.)

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: P. S. I Love You (1953)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

 

1) In this song, a man fills his lover in on what's going on in his daily life, including that he was in bed by 9:00 PM. Do you have a regular bedtime? I guess it depends on how you define "bedtime." I'm usually into my pjs around 9:00. That's a throwback to my junior high years, when my mom used to tell me that "polite people don't call or call on polite people after 9:00 PM." But when I go to bed is another matter. So is when I finally go to sleep.

2) He reports that yesterday it rained, but all in all, he can't complain. Do you often find yourself discussing/complaining about the weather? No, and I find it tiresome. The two friends of mine who talk weather the most are the ones who left Chicago for sunnier climes. She to Los Angeles, he to Key West. She has had to deal with wildfires, mudslides and water rationing due to drought. He had to evacuate for hurricanes more times than I can count, and always had tales of expensive storm-damaged cars, roofs, windows and landscaping. They both had a tougher time relaunching their careers in LA and Key West, too, so it's not like they regaled me with tales of time at the beach anyway. They were always working. So I'll stay here, thank you. (BTW, I looked it up and it snowed on 18 days so far this year. That's 5% of the time. I'll take it.)

3) This song was recorded many times, by artists as diverse as Rudy Vallee (1934) and Bob Dylan (2017). It's endured because the theme -- reaching out and staying in touch across the miles -- is universal. Is there anyone in your life with whom you regularly correspond? If yes, do you prefer cards/letters, emails or texts? I suppose that's the order. For anything longer than, "I'll meet you at 7:30," or "I'm on my way," texts are pretty hideous. Besides, I enjoy seeing peoples' handwriting.

4) This 1953 version was a hit for The Hilltoppers. The band members met at Western Kentucky University and took their name from the nickname of their school's athletic teams. What was the name of your school's team? Grade school was the Panthers, high school was the Bulldogs.

5) The Hilltoppers always performed in W sweaters, for Western Kentucky. Do you own any sweaters, caps or jackets that celebrate your alma mater? Not for my own school, but I have t-shirts from when I visited my niece at the Culinary Institute of Michigan and my nephew at Western Illinois University. (Go, Leathernecks!)

6) By 1960, The Hilltoppers' records weren't selling anymore. But they continued to perform and in 1970 they became the house band at The Holiday Inn in Fort Walton Beach, FL. They were so popular with tourists that they played at that Holiday Inn for years. When did you last stay in a hotel, motel or airbnb? Last month, my friend Elaine and I stayed at a budget motel in Springfield, IL. She chose it, believing that the hotel we stayed at in 2022 just wasn't worth the money. Note to self: Don't let Elaine book the hotel. The elevator smelled like weed. When I turned on the fan for the shower, the bathroom smelled like weed, too. Worst of all, when I closed the bathroom door I found the previous guests' dirty towels on the hook. EW! ICK! On the other hand, it was safe and the bed was comfortable and it was $65 cheaper than my choice. So there's that. (I did spray every available surface with Lysol or alcohol.)

7) In 1953, the year this recording was popular, the Eisenhowers moved into The White House. First Lady Mamie Eisenhower was known for her down-to-earth style. For example, she often shared her recipe for Million Dollar Fudge, saying that since it's easy to make and foolproof, she recommended her fudge as the perfect hostess gift. When you're invited to someone's home, do you bring a hostess gift? Depends on the occasion. If it's a barbecue or a party, I'll offer to help my hosts by bringing a dish a or a bottle of liquor. If it's just-only me, well, I like to think that my sparkling personality is enough. Besides, my friends and I like to meet up at restaurants and bars, anyway. It's a good way to support local businesses, and no one has to clean up afterward.

 

8) Also in 1953, radio personality Arthur Godfrey made news for having one of the nation's very first hip replacements. Have you/would you ever be part of a clinical trial, either for a new drug or medical procedure? I don't think so. A former co-worker of mine is very proud of being in a trial for a breast cancer drug and takes great pleasure thinking of the other women she helped. I'm not sure I'd be that courageous.

 9) Random question -- Do you fold your socks or roll them? Roll.

Thursday Thirteen #334

 Alexa's 13 most requested recording artists. This list is from 2022. Amazon's AI goddess hasn't spilled her 2023 secrets yet.

1. Ed Sheeran.

2. Elvis Presley. (I think this is likely the influence of last year's biopic.)

3. Taylor Swift.

4. Drake.

5. Elton John.

6. Adele.

7. Disney. (I'm assuming this is parents asking for songs from Disney soundtracks.)

8. Harry Styles. 

 

9. Queen.

 

10. Beyonce.

 

11. Beatles. 

 

12. The Weeknd. 

 

13. Ariana Grande.

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

"76 trombones led the big parade!"

So posts my friend Kathy to explain away her erratic behavior. She blames her non-existent memory and her rambling, non-sensical responses to my Facebook posts on her age (76). 

But here's the thing: I know people who are older and more cognizant, and no one is asking her to explain. Least of all, me. I know she's suffering from senility, or dementia, or Alzheimer's. 

Even posting "76 trombones led the big parade!" is kind of dopey. I worry that she's embarrassing herself on social media in front of hundreds of people. This weighs heavily on me. I've considered hiding my Facebook posts from her, but if she doesn't hear from me regularly, she freaks out -- saying "they" are isolating her.*

Three of us planned to travel to Dekalb and visit her but she cancelled on us at the last minute. She wasn't confident of her ability to tell time well enough to meet us at a bar near her home. Kathy says she's sure she'll be better "in spring" and we should plan on getting together then.

I have discussed this with my shrink, who keeps emphasizing to me that Kathy's condition and how it's handled are not my responsibility. Kathy is estranged from her son, but her daughter is aware of her decline. So is her sister. Her adult grandchildren all live within blocks of her. Her ex-husband visits her often. They all know what's going on. They have hard decisions to make. I'm only one of her friends, and I am more than an hour away. This is not on me, so she says.

My doctor advised me to stop hiding her posts. Just to see how it feels to let go of protecting her. So "76 trombones led the big parade!" stands. How does it feel? It feels cringey.

My shrink also reminds me Kathy has much bigger problems than dopey Facebook posts. Problems I have neither the authority nor the capacity to address. I realize that is true.

There's something else going on here, too. Kathy and I have long had a complicated relationship, one I've tried to extricate myself from more than once. (Here's a verbal snapshot from 10 years ago.) I feel guilty because I'm still mad over incidents she doubtless doesn't even remember.

I'm trying to be fair to myself and do right by her. 

It's hard.

And so I struggle. 

*I wonder if all paranoid conspiracy theorists aren't suffering from some level of cognitive failure. How far, really, is "Dr. Fauci is poisoning us with the covid vaccine" from "Mark Zuckerberg is isolating me from my Facebook friends?"

Yet another example

Republican voters like to make fun of Joe Biden's age and gaffes, but make no mention that their hero, dewy young Donald J Trump, is 77 and misspeaks all the time.

Is it that Fox doesn't report real news to them? Or are they just cruel and disrespectful to Biden?

At any rate, under oath during an examination he was no doubt prepped for, Donald J. Trump explained away signing a fraudulent statement about the Trump Organization's 2021 financial condition by saying, "I was so busy in the White House."

So he lied about the lie. Because he's senile/confused? Delusional and disconnected from the truth? Or does he lie because he's a grifter, and it's what conmen do?

No wonder I'm ridin' with Biden.

Sunday Stealing

 

ABC

A - Ambition: to be more Melanie than Scarlett

It's a battle every day

B - Birthday: the day before Thanksgiving, 11/22

C - Computer: MacBook Air

D - Dream: serenity

E - Exercise: weekly yoga and morning stretches (<<< if I remember)

F - Favorite Food: pizza or cheeseburger

G - Garden: the two happy philodendrons in my den

H - Hobby: baseball season is over so nothing is competing with my love of movies

 

Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis

I - Idol: JBKO. I admire her because she balanced responsibility and independence. She lived her life on her own terms. She survived tragedy in the spotlight. She rebuilt her life again and again. She never shirked her responsibility to her parents or her sister, as difficult as those relationships were, and she was a good mother.

J - Job: beginning tomorrow I am a Sales Associate (Seasonal) at the local card shop

K - Kids: only furry ones

L - Location: US, midwest, Chicagoland, my bedroom

M - Military: I've never served

N - Name or Nickname: None that I feel like sharing

O - Optimist or Pessimist: Optimist

 

P - Pets: Roy Hobbs and Constance MacKenzie

Q - Quote:

 

R - Reads: 38 books so far this year

S - School: a long, long time ago

T - Travel: I think my next trip is the TCM Film Festival in Hollywood this April

 

U - Unfulfilled ambition: to be organized

V - Vacation spot: I'm a domestic traveler; I have no dreams of going abroad

W - Wardrobe: jeans and a t-shirt, or jeans and a sweater (I don't do hoodies)

X - X-tra facts about me: When a doctor taps my leg with that rubber hammer, nothing happens. Never has.

Y - Years online: Many, many

 

Z - Zodiac sign: Sagittarius

 

 

15 years ago today I woke up happy

 ... because I was in Grant Park the night before, watching history being made as my Senator became our President-elect. The city has never felt safer or more hopeful than it did that night. 

I'm a proud Democrat and an even prouder campaign volunteer. This picture reminds me why I don't sit on the sidelines.

I got home and slept

I kinda sorta returned to work yesterday. I spent four hours at the card shop Friday. I got my name plate and my Employee Number. I filled out my W-4. I watched an hour's worth of HR videos about avoiding a hostile workplace. I met my coworkers, including the one who rescued me I looked blankly at a customer who asked me where the Bat Mitzvah cards were.

I went to the bank, made dinner, and took a nap. 

Then I woke up, answered some emails and did a little online banking. Then I went to bed.

So yesterday I made $80 and slept. 

Monday is my first real day of work. I can tell this is going to be an adjustment. I'm going to be using muscles left to atrophy for a year.

And I'm going to wander around the shop and learn where all the cards are.

Saturday 9

 Saturday 9: True (1983)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

 

1) In this song, lead singer Gary Kemp tells us he's overwhelmed by his feelings as he and a girl dance "toe to toe." What song did you most recently dance to? This is kind of embarrassing but true: I danced over to the refrigerator while listening to the theme of The Dick Van Dyke Show. The TV was on and I was grabbing a snack in the kitchen.

2) Falling in love makes him want to listen to "Marvin all night long," a reference to Motown great Marvin Gaye. What's your favorite love song, and who sings it? "Close your eyes and I'll kiss you/tomorrow I'll miss you/remember, I'll always be true." Those simple, sweet words sung by his simple, sweet voice ... Sigh.

3) This song was inspired by Kemp's feelings for singer Clare Grogan. When they first met, they discovered a shared love of literature and for his birthday, she gave him a book she thought he'd enjoy. Who received the most recent birthday gift you gave, and what was it? I gave my friend Mindy a book. We've been talking about it for years. Every time it came up, she'd say was going to get it out of the library. So for her November 1 birthday, I placed it in her hands.

4) Despite the popularity of the song it inspired, the Kemp-Grogan romance never really took off. Gary was involved with another woman and Clare was seeing other men and reluctant to settle down. The timing just wasn't right for them. Do you believe luck plays a big part in romance? Well, yes. We can only fall in love with who we meet, and since there are billions of people on the planet, luck definitely plays a part. We're lucky when someone we really click with crosses our path. We're even luckier if that person happens to be unattached and open to a relationship at the same time we are. Love is really kind of amazing, when you think about it.

5) The cover art was created by Kemp's friend, David Band. David sketched it after seeing a man startled when a bird flew too close to him as he entered a pub. To Kemp, it represented how surprised he was by the sudden intensity of his feelings for Grogan. Band went on to become a world-renowned artist, with his work exhibited in galleries and museums in Australia, New Zealand, England and the United States. What museum have you most recently visited? In August I went to the Van Gogh exhibit at The Art Institute. It was my first time back to this Chicago treasure in decades! My friend Elaine is a member and the trip was her idea, but it was one of the highlights of my summer. This was my favorite.

Roadway with Underpass

6) In 2020, Kemp and bassist Guy Pratt launched their podcast Rockonteurs about the stories behind popular songs. Do you regularly listen to podcasts? Yes. Every week I listen to The Book of Joe, by baseball manager Joe Maddon. Every now and again I tune into a classic movie podcast, You Must Remember This.

7) Super Mario Bros. debuted in 1983. Without looking it up, can you name gaming's most famous siblings? Mario and Luigi.

 

8) Also in 1983, for the first time, London's Abbey Road recording studio was open to the public. Visitors were treated to a multi-media presentation called The Beatles at Abbey Road. During the two months it was open, more than 22,000 tickets were sold. What's the most recent ticket you purchased? I went to see A Haunting in Venice at my local movie theater.

 9) Random question -- At your favorite restaurant, a genie will grant you one of these two wishes: 1) you can eat whatever you want without gaining weight or 2) you can order whatever you want for free. Which do you choose? #2, definitely! 

 

Dona Nobis Pacem

 

I am a peace blogger, inspired by the struggle we see day in and day out. In Ukraine, in Israel, in Gaza. In our cities and our small towns. On the steps of the courthouse in New York. It seems that our sense of peace, decency, and fair play is under assault every day from all angles.

All we can do is keep on keeping on.

Find other peace bloggers here.

Thursday Thirteen #333

America's 13 most recognizable women. I looked at different lists from around the web and these are 13 the internet seems to agree on.

Now by recognizable, we're talking face recognition. Not beauty, not accomplishment (though some are both beautiful and accomplished). These are American women who can be identified by their faces alone. That accounts for the list beginning in the late 19th century, when it became easier for newspapers and magazines to reproduce photos.

Here they are in chronological order, based on when they dominated the national consciousness. I'm presenting it twice -- first photos, then names. How many did you recognize by face alone?

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7. 

8.

9.

10.

11.

12. 

13.

1) Lizzie Borden: 1860-1927

2) Amelia Earhart: 1897-1939

3) Eleanor Roosevelt: 1884-1962

4) Naomi Parker (Rosie the Riveter): 1921-2018

5) Lucille Ball: 1911-1989

6) Marilyn Monroe: 1926-1962

7) Rosa Parks: 1913-2005

8) Elizabeth Taylor: 1932-2011

9) Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis: 1929-1994

10) Sandra Day O'Connor: Born 1930

11) Oprah Winfrey: Born 1954

12) Hillary Clinton: Born 1947

13) Beyonce: Born 1981

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.