A new chapter is about to begin

I just read the "goodbye" email from our interim minister. She's been with us since our lead minister was canned. As a congregation we were sad and exhausted when she joined us. I haven't agreed with some of what she tried to do -- I think at times she overstepped her role as "interim" -- but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate how patient and imaginative she's been, especially at the holidays and on special occasions as we not only adjusted to life without our long-term minster, we were coming out of covid.

But we got through covid and now it's time for a new minister, and we have one! I'm very excited for his arrival in August. (Our associate minister is intentionally flying solo this summer to ease the transition from interim minister to permanent one.)

Religious leadership -- the head office 900 miles away -- feels that part of why our previous minister went awry is that he was with us too long without adequate review or supervision. So it was decided, and our elected church board enthusiastically agrees, that our new minister will be with us for "a limited duration of 4 to 7 years." His will be a developmental ministry, and he'll help us focus on achieving pre-determined our fiscal goals -- apparently we're in quite a financial pickle -- and dialing down the anxiety. The relationship between minister and staff had really broken down and our new minister has a strong track record of financial leadership and collaborative governance.

More important to me personally: He also promises to encourage our passion to become a more truly anti-oppression/anti-racist congregation. This new guy has his work cut out for him, but everyone wants him to succeed and now that we've established where we're going, it'll be easier for us to all pull this cart in the same direction. 

And when we move away from the money issues and the interoffice politics, ultimately what we want is glory to God through service to man.

What she said

 Though I haven't been able to independently confirm that Wanda Sykes said this, I agree with the sentiment 100%.

Thursday Thirteen #310

 Thirteen quotes from President Kennedy. Much attention is paid to him every year in the fall because that's the anniversary of his assassination. His murder was a seismic event in American history, so I get that. On the other hand, it defines his life by his death, and that is unfair to him and his legacy.

And so, in honor of his May 29th birthday, I celebrate him here.

1. Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.

2. Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one's own belief. Rather it condemns the oppression and persecution of others.

3. Our progress as a nation can be no swifter than our progress in education.

4. There is a tremendous disadvantage in not having the abrasive quality of the press applied to you daily. Even though we (politicians) never like it, even though we disapprove, there isn't any doubt we could not do the job well in a free society without a free press.

5. Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.

6. Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.

7.  The great enemy of truth is often not the lie -- deliberate, contrived, and dishonest -- but the myth -- persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.

8. The time fix the roof is when the sun is shining.

9. We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives.

10. Do not pray for easy lives, pray to be stronger men.

11. Change is the law of life.

12. A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on.

13. Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.

PS I cannot resist this: Q-Anon believers keep trying to make some connection between Trump and JFK. Can you imagine any of these quotes being considered anything but "wimpy" by Donald J. Trump? I guess a legit war hero and a genuine lion with the ladies didn't feel the need to proclaim himself "strong" and "masculine" with every utterance.

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I can no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Elizabeth and Monty: The Untold Story of Their Intimate Friendship by Charles Casillo. Elizabeth Taylor and Montgomery Clift were impossibly beautiful and in 1951, they were cast as lovers in A Place in the Sun. It was the beginning of an intense, lifelong friendship. 

 

I'm enjoying this study of platonic love. Friendships can be the most powerful, sustaining relationships of our lives. Yet they don't get the attention paid to romances and siblings. That Elizabeth and Monty each had a major penchant for drama makes this even more interesting.

2. What did you recently finish reading? New Tricks by David Rosenfelt. A multimillionaire biochemist is murdered, leaving his adult son and young second wife at odds. Not over his money. Over his puppy, the offspring of an insanely expensive Bermese show dog. When a dog is in trouble, lawyer Andy Carpenter is always ready to help.

 

The custody case gets suddenly more complicated when people in the biochemist's inner circle also get dead. Andy needs to get to the bottom of this. He's committed to seeing justice done, of course, but he also wants to be sure the puppy won't be in the custody of the next assassination target, or perhaps even the assassin.

I always enjoy an Andy Carpenter mystery. Andy is my dream man -- sports fan, smart ass, d0g lover and coward when it comes to derring-do. (In my fantasies, I'm never a widow.) This is one of the stronger entries in the series. The mystery takes us into the worlds of dog shows, high finance, and scientific research. Interesting stuff.

 

3. What will read next? I don't know.

 

 

Sunday Stealing

THE BOOK OF QUESTIONS 

1. When you tell a story, do you often exaggerate?  I have been known to make a story more entertaining for my audience.

2. If a friend were almost always late, would you resent it or simply allow for it? My friend Barb was always late for our theater evenings, and I did resent it. She made way more than I did, so an $80 to $120 ticket didn't mean as much to her as it did to me. Similarly, the expensive meal that I had to snarf down, rather than enjoy, before the curtain didn't seem like a big deal to her. It was to me. I'm glad I finally told her how I felt. Since we worked in the same industry, she just assumed I'd "allow for it," forgetting that I was a few rungs behind her on the ladder. Rather than be late she began cancelling. While I missed her, it enabled me to ask another friend to take her place (and she always generously refused reimbursement from my friends for her ticket).

3. Can you be counted on to be on time? Pretty much. I take public transportation so I adhere to their schedule. Now if they're late, I can't help that!

4. When did you last yell at someone? Why? Yell? I don't yell often. I can snap and scold and be sarcastic, but I don't really yell too much anymore. 

5. If you could have free, unlimited service for five years from an extremely good cook, chauffeur, housekeeper, masseuse, or personal secretary, which would you choose?  If I could only choose one, it would be housekeeper, because I am an unorganized slob. But what I'd really like is a Bessie Cleary. She was the maid in the movie Laura. She cooked, grocery shopped, cleaned and even filed away personal correspondence for her mistress. She was so crazy loyal to Laura that she kept showing up for work, even after she was told her boss was dead! 

That's my girl Bessie, squeezing in to save Laura from the police

6. Would you be willing to go to a slaughterhouse and kill a cow? Do you eat meat? Yes I eat meat. No I wouldn't slaughter a cow myself. I prefer to pretend beef just shows up on styrofoam, wrapped in cellophane.

7. Do you feel ill at ease going alone to either diner or a movie? What about going on a vacation by yourself? Of course I'm comfortable going alone! I enjoy my own company and alone time rejuvenates me. That's why my trip to Hollywood for the TCM Classic Film Festival was so perfect for me. I stayed in the same hotel as members of my Chicago movie group, but I had my own room. I chose which movies I wanted to see and especially enjoyed sitting with the gang from home if it worked out that way, but was very fine if it didn't. 

8. Would you like to be famous? In what way? I would never want to be famous. The scrutiny and misperceptions would make me crazy. True story: Once Carolyn Bessette moved in with JFK, Jr., she was greeted every morning by paparazzi, every time she opened her front door to leave for work. They would shout things at her to get a better reaction shot. She worked in fashion and understood the press was interested in what she wore, so she devised a plan: She would put that day's outfit in a garment bag and send it to her office in a separate cab. Then she would leave the house wearing exactly the same, boring old thing (white blouse and black slacks). She reasoned that the value of the photos would go down if she looked the same in every shot and eventually they would abandon her doorstep. Guess what: the tabloids ran snarky stories about how dull this "fashion icon" was, wearing the same outfit every day, accompanied by photos. She gave up the ruse. Why would anyone want to live like that?

9. Would you rather play a game with someone more or less talented than you? More talented = more fun.

10. Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it? I'd love to return to the vacation spots I've previously visited and loved. When I was working I didn't the time. Now that I'm retired and my nest egg has to last the rest of my life, I don't think I have the money.

11. If you were at a friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner and found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do? I think it's interesting that the question specifies "dead cockroach." I must admit I'd be just as upset by a live, unspecified bug crawling across my salad.

12. Would you accept $10,000 to shave your head and continue your normal activities sans hat or wig without explaining the reason for your haircut?  Maybe. When Joe Maddon was our Cubs manager, he hosted "Respect Bald." During spring training, he and the players would have their heads shaved to raise money and show solidarity with pediatric cancer patients who lost their hair due to chemo. It was a lovely thing to do. (I miss Joe.) 

Joe Maddon being shorn for a good cause

13. If you were able to wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else, would you do so?  Whom would you pick?  I like me. I'll stick with me.

14. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? My mother was incredibly conflict averse, so many issues within our family went unaddressed. I understand and forgive, but would change it if I could.

15. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? You shouldn't make fun of anything the person can't help. It's cruel.

In case you've forgotten this disgrace, read about here

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Mirrors (2013)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) Is there a mirror in the room you're in now? Yes. I'm in my bedroom. There's a mirror above my dresser and a full-length one behind the bedroom door.

 

2) In this song, Justin Timberlake tells his lover he just can't wait till they're together. What are you eagerly looking forward to today? I'm getting my film nerd on, watching Summer Storm, a 1944 melodrama and this week's classic movie group movie. It's an early black-and-white film by one of my favorite directors, Douglas Sirk, who went on to make entertaining, glossy technicolor soap operas in the 1950s. I'm eager to see work from the beginning of his career.

 

This is based on Chekhov? Oh well, a little culture won't hurt me.

3) Justin Timberlake is known as a sharp dresser who is always on trend. What item have you recently added to your wardrobe? Not in months and months. I bought two pairs of Birkenstock sandals when they were on sale around Labor Day last year and hardly wore them before the weather got cold, so they're practically new.

 

4) Justin was an accomplished child performer who appeared on the entertainment competition show Star Search when he was just 11. When Crazy Sam was 11, her only job was loading and unloading the dishwasher, for which she received an allowance from her dad. Did you have chores when you were a kid? Oh, my parents tried. But I have always been incredibly lazy and nothing "stuck." It's funny, but I always wanted to be the one to take the trash out but my mom wouldn't let me. She insisted on doing it herself. There was an apartment building across the alley and she was obsessed with the tenants tossing their McDonald's bags into our garbage cans when they got out of their cars (rather than walking past their backdoor to their own trash cans). All these years later, I still don't know why she cared.

 

5) He says he tries never to miss breakfast, even on the road, and his favorite is peanut butter banana pancakes. Given the choice, do you prefer pancakes, french toast, or waffles? I'm more of an egg girl myself, but of those choices, I'll go with the french toast.

6) When they were still in their teens, Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears were sweethearts. Obviously it's been easy for him to keep up with her successes and problems over the years. Do you wonder what one of your exes is up to? No, not a one of them. All of them. I think it would be enormously sad to have once loved someone and then not care at all. I'll hear a song or see a movie and it'll remind me of a special someone and I'll wonder where he is now. I hope they similarly think of me with fondness.

 

7) In 2013, when this song was popular, Pope Benedict resigned. Thinking of your working life, have you felt greater stress on your first day at a job, or your last? They've both been stressful, but in different ways. When I'm starting, I worry I won't be able to cut it. When I'm leaving, I worry that I didn't leave everything in order for my successor.

8) Also in 2013, the NHL owners reached an agreement with the players union and avoided a strike. Have you ever belonged to a union? Nope.

9) Random question: When was one of the first times when you felt like an adult? The Christmas when I first realized my mom was looking forward to my gift to her with greater enthusiasm that I was her gift to me. Suddenly it seemed she needed help getting the things she wanted, just as I had when I was a teen. It was just a hint of the role reversal to come. If realizing that your parents need and depend on you doesn't make you feel like an adult, nothing will.

 

Bigger home: Check!

One thing my niece has always, always wanted is to be a mother. Her heart tells her that her destiny is to adopt, to give a home to a child who needs her. It's one of the things she and her husband bonded over when they first met. They agreed that you don't have to have a baby to become a parent, and that adoption is the path they want to pursue. 

She and her hubs have been very considered and methodical about this. They are dedicated to doing this right. They developed a list of "things to do" to prepare them for opening their hearts and homes to their baby.

First, they trained to be foster parents and volunteered to be respite caregivers (giving full-time foster parents a break by caring for a child for the day or the weekend). 

Then she went into therapy. She knows she has issues and she wanted to examine them before bringing a child into their lives.

They need more room. Their 2BR/1BA apartment is too small for two adults, three cats and a baby. Especially now that hubs works from home most days and needs dedicated office space.

Today their offer was accepted on a 3BR/2BA house! They were getting discouraged about the home front. They'd been outbid on four other homes already this year. But their realtor had a client who was very eager to sell and let my niece and her husband see his house before it even hit the market. Rather than go through the time and effort of listing and showing the house, he accepted their offer. It has a fireplace, a deck and a full basement. There's even a pond! 

They should be out of their apartment and into their new home by August 1. I know that adoption is a process and will likely not move as quickly as we'd like it to. 

But today my niece and her husband are one step closer to having a baby, and I couldn't be happier for them.

It's time to seriously ask why

The 33-year-old man who shot at shoppers in Allen, TX, earlier this month and killed 8 people -- including a 3-year-old boy -- was a far-right extremist. He wielded his weapon while wearing a tactical vest with a RWDS (Right Wing Death Squad) patch embroidered on it. His body was tattooed with SS lightning bolts and a swastika. His online posts were anti-woman, anti-Semitic and anti-minority. Local, state and federal law enforcement agree on this. Yet conspiracy theorists think the evidence is "too neat." They suspect "psyops," or propaganda fabricated by the military to make the far-right look bad.*

Of course they suspect that.

If you look online it's not hard to find those who insist that the Sandy Hook shooting was a false flag ... and Dr. Anthony Fauci covered up or created the COVID crisis to line his own pockets ... and Lisa Marie Presley died of complications after a COVID booster ... and Donald Trump was re-elected in 2020 ... and Barack Obama's birth certificate is a fake ... and Princess Diana was murdered ... as was Marilyn Monroe ... and the CIA (or Mafia or Cubans) killed JFK ... and the moon landing was faked ... as was the Holocaust ... let's not even start down the WWG1WGA rabbit hole.

Why are people so fantastically gullible? Why do they insist, for example, that the 2020 election was stolen even after Fox News agreed to pay Dominion voting systems $787,500,000 in damages for their "Stop the Steal" reporting?

It's tempting to dismiss these people as stupid. And OK, I admit I often do because well, I mean, really! But that's pretty facile, isn't it?

So I've been reading and contemplating and researching† and it seems that I should be more compassionate. Two traits that conspiracy theorists often share are confusion and anxiety. They don't understand what's happening in the world, it stresses them out and leaves them uncomfortable, and they are trying to impose order -- order that fits their particular belief system -- to what they perceive as chaos.

Example: Princess Diana was beautiful and good. She was dedicated to helping AIDS patients and eradicating landmines. How could she be taken from us by something as ordinary and tawdry as a drunk driver with fatally bad judgement? It's so heartbreaking it simply doesn't compute. In their minds, a conspiracy of shadowy figures including the Royal Family and MI5 is more acceptable.

Imagine how painful and uncomfortable their anxiety must be regarding Donald Trump. Here they were, feeling disenfranchised by an increasingly progressive, secular, non-white and affirmative action-engineered America, and down the escalator comes a man who will "Make America Great Again" -- exactly as they define "great." He turns out to be a grifter. He admits (on the Access Hollywood tape and again in his sworn deposition in the E Jean Carroll case) that famous men can "unfortunately or fortunately" "grab women by the pussy." He encourages his supporters to march on the Capitol on January 6 and it turns into a riot. He could have pardoned these rioters before he left office but he didn't. Let's assume for a moment that these people are, at heart, patriotic. How disillusioning to have believed in this man!

I almost get this, in that I voted for Governor Rod Blagojevich twice. But when he was exposed as dishonest, I didn't deny the reality. I didn't blame "them" for driving him from office and into prison. Instead, I took the Christmas card The Guv sent to loyal supporters like me and thumb tacked it to my bulletin board. I wanted to remind myself daily not to be such an ass next time. To research candidates more closely. To get involved earlier -- during the primary process -- so that better candidates appear on the ballot.

But if someone isn't able to accept their own culpability, or feels so alienated that they are downright threatened by the way their country looks now that they imbued their guy with the power to rescue them, they may not be able respond logically. They are fragile, lack self-awareness, and feel excluded by "the mainstream." They take comfort in the fringes, in the echo chamber that confirms their biases, and in conspiracy theories.

So from now on I'll try to view these people with more sensitivity. Not acceptance. I hate it that these people drive cars, buy guns and vote in elections and will do whatever I can to see that their twisted worldview doesn't prevail. But I'll check myself when I'm tempted to mock them. They must be so paranoid, so frightened, so vulnerable to grasp at every bit of flotsam and jetsam they find. And I'll retire this picture. It's cruel, and my cruelty isn't going to help these sad souls heal.

*As if the far-right needs help looking bad.

†My sources include Scientific American, Psychology Today and Live Science. Not Elon Musk or 8chan.

Me and Marilyn.

I had a molar pulled Tuesday morning. The oral surgeon was quite deft. I don't think I was in the chair 40 minutes, and most of that was spent waiting for the anesthesia to kick in.

Which isn't to say I'm not in pain right now. It's expected. Teeth are like bones; they are the hardest substances in the body, and molars are connected solidly to the jawbone via deep roots. So naturally ripping one out is going to leave an owie. That's why the surgeon prescribed me a week's worth of 800 mg ibuprofen. If that doesn't manage the pain, I also got acetaminophen and codeine. (I consider that my "Break Glass in Case of Emergency" pill bottle.)

I take one of those ibuprofen every 4-6 hours, trying to time it so it doesn't wear off when I'm asleep. Waking up in pain is the worst. I have a high pain threshold, but I'm also no masochist. The more comfortable I am, the faster I will heal and the sooner all this will be behind me.

Tuesday morning I took the ibuprofen first thing. Then I fed the cats -- they're each on their own diet -- before downing my own meds and vitamins for the day (which I keep in one of those pill containers with the days of the week marked). Then I took the ibuprofen.

Huh? What? I just took 1600 mg of ibuprofen, or 8 hours worth, in a matter of minutes. Because I wasn't paying attention. I read all the literature that came with the prescription and everything I could find online. While what I did was certainly unwise and not something I should make a habit of, I was not in any real danger. Some doctors prescribe 1600 mg dose every 4 hours after surgery similar to mine. But I must be careful not to do this ever again. 

Which leads me to Marilyn. I have been reading about her almost since I learned how to read. While I believe she died by her own hand, I don't think she killed herself. I think she woke up groggy and, desperate for sleep, grabbed some pills. Then having forgot what she'd taken, she grabbed some more. I saw for myself how easy that is to do. I don't think she was miserable. 20th Century Fox had capitulated and was willing to have her finish Something's Got to Give. Joe DiMaggio certainly believed they had reconciled. Whether Marilyn would have actually walked down the aisle with him we'll never know. But there's ample evidence she'd given him every indication she was open to rekindling their romance.

So here she was, a woman about to embark on a new chapter. She had stared down a major studio and they blinked. One of America's heroes was insisting he loved her. She was also an addict. She had a ridiculously high tolerance for prescription medication and liquor. She made a mistake. She died.

Shit happens.

Like being stranded on the prairie

Miss me? I haven't actually been online since Monday evening. (I scheduled my WWW and TT posts in advance.) My modem crapped out, leaving me without any internet at all, no landline phone and no doorbell, which is connected to my wifi. I've felt like a pioneer woman. OK, so I was a pioneer woman with a cell phone and HD TV with just about every channel known to man, but still!

Tuesday morning I had a tooth pulled, so I wasn't up for having the Xfinity tech here that day. There were no appointments available for Wednesday. So Thursday at 1:30, I got my new modem and was reconnected to the world.

PS Shout out to Country Dew: Your explanation of my Anthony Rizzo adoration was letter perfect! Thank you.

Thursday Thirteen #309

300 TT's ago. This is what was on my mind 16 years ago, when I did my Thursday Thirteen #9. That long ago week, the lottery jackpot was $2.2 million. 

Thirteen Things The Gal Herself Would Do if She Won the Illinois State Lottery 

1) Pay off my condo. It would give me an almost sexual thrill to be done with mortgage payments.

2) Redecorate. Fresh paint everywhere, new sofa, new window treatments, new carpet in the living room and master bedroom, new floor and cabinets in the kitchen, new everything in the bathroom …

3) Pay off my Citibank card. The 3.9% fixed APR is for the life of the loan, so it's more than fair, but, as with the mortgage, I tremble and shiver at the thought of finally being done with it.

4) An Albertson's Gift Card with a prodigious balance for my mom. She's always very broke. Partly because she trusted my late father to provide for her as he said he would (big mistake) and partly because she does dumb things with money. But an Albertson's Gift Card could really only be used for food and toiletries, so I wouldn't have to worry about her the way I would with cash.

5) Take my niece and nephew to Washington, DC. It's time for them to learn about their national heritage. And if I don't do it, it won't get done.

6) "Foster" as many pets as possible.I simply can't have any more pets myself. But right now I send checks each month to support a dog at the Northshore Animal League, a cat and Harmony House and another cat at Tree House. I'd love to be able to afford more.

7) Invest for retirement. I know I should have more put away for my fast-approaching Golden Years. With my imaginary windfall I would help rectify that.

8) Regular pedicures. I can do it myself, but it looks so much prettier when I have it done.

9) Regular massages. It would be so good for my skin to have quality massage oils slathered all over my back. And it would be so good for my psyche to chill out regularly in the way that a massage relaxes me.

10) "Gal pal" vacations. One friend keeps saying it would be fun for us to go to a spa together. Another thinks it's time I return to New York. Ladies, if ever that's a winning ticket in my wallet, we're hitting the road.

11) Give a brick. Get a brick. Let me explain. One of the best gifts I ever received is a brick on the donors' walk in front of the local library, praising my dedication to homeless pets. It means a lot to me because my two favorite things are animals and books, and I love the lasting nature of having a brick on the walk. I would love to be able to afford similarly permanent and appropriate charitable gifts for friends and family.

12) All new undies, all the time. I fixate on having clean underwear. Really. Ask my friends in the Keys about the time American Airlines lost my bag. I'm told that at least once an hour I'd wish aloud that I had packed more undies in my carry on. (In fairness to me, this was right after Hurricane Wilma and there really, literally weren't any department stores in Key West that I could turn to.) I try not to be wasteful, so I don't toss underwear aside at the first signs of wear. But if I was a girl millionaire, they would go into the garbage the moment I see a little worn elastic.

13) Take classes. Could I afford to quit working altogether and still do everything listed above? Probably not. But I probably could return to free lancing, which means I'd have time to take classes on the subjects that fascinate me.

Ah, this was fun. But now I can't get that Barenaked Ladies song out of my head. "If I had a million dollars … I'd be RICH."

Since I originally wrote this, my mom has passed away and I am now retired myself, so reading those two gave me little pangs. But the rest sound pretty good to me. Especially the underwear thing.

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I can no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? New Tricks by David Rosenfelt. Andy Carpenter, lawyer and dog lover and my fantasy boyfriend, is right where he belongs: in a courtroom and looking out for a canine in distress. The book begins with an unusual and engaging premise, with Andy called upon to help decide custody for an insanely expensive Bernese show dog. Andy runs a rescue and (like me!) doesn't value one animal over another because of pedigree. He's going to do right for this dog as a companion, not as a commodity. But then the case starts getting really complicated as people around the dog start getting dead.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Meant to Be by Emily Giffin. This is Kennedy fan fiction, and I hated it. Hated it! I believe books like this are, literally, immoral.

Giffin takes the life of JFK, Jr. and makes only the most minimal changes. Joseph S. Kingsley III captured America's heart when he was just three years old and said farewell to his hero father during a nationally televised funeral. He grows up in the public eye, stalked by paparazzi. He graduates college and law school (barely) and then flunks the NY State Bar ... twice. He gets a low-paying job in the DA's office and has a high-profile relationship with a ditzy blonde actress. His much-admired fashion icon mother doesn't approve of his lifestyle. He adopts a mutt he names Thursday and is often caught shirtless tossing a Frisbee or a tennis ball to the dog in Central Park.

This is fiction because JFK Jr.'s dog was named Friday. See the difference?

He takes up with Cate, a former model who now works as a personal shopper for a major designer. She has a hard time adjusting to the public scrutiny. They take off together for a Kingsley family wedding in his small plane. Want to guess what happens?

Again, this is fiction. So what if Carolyn Bessette was briefly a model who began working as a personal shopper for Calvin Klein ... and suffered the price of fame ... and died en route to cousin Rory Kennedy's wedding?

Then there's the cover. To which I say, "OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

What are the odds?

The way the Bessette Cooper family is portrayed is deeply offensive. For this is the only area of the book where Giffin actually uses her imagination. It's unreasonable to expect the average reader to appreciate that Giffin strays from reality for Cate but tracks so incredibly close to the truth with Joe. So many will come away believing that the Bessette family was tawdry and scandalous. That's especially cruel when you consider Ann Freeman (Carolyn's mother) lost two of her three daughters in that plane crash. 

Shame on you, Emily Giffin. You're a good writer with a loyal following. You didn't have to stoop to this.

3. What will read next? Elizabeth and Monty: The Untold Story of Their Intimate Friendship by Charles Casillo.

 

 

Sunday Stealing

Stolen from Kwizgiver

And if you don't read Kwizgiver all the time, you should!

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? Sorry, no car.

2. When was the last time you threw up? In September. I was still working from home and on the phone with my art director. We were on deadline, working furiously on a vanity project for our boss' boss that I knew in my heart was a waste of time. But a deadline is a deadline and a paycheck is paycheck, so I just put the art director on mute and brought her into the bathroom with me. The nausea was my body's reaction to the pain caused by a kidney stone. (This story makes me miss working less.)

3. What's your favorite word or phrase? I like saying "gubernatorial."

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Sorry, but it's early and I haven't encountered three people yet.

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Watching the news

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Watching the news (I'm a news junkie)

7. What would constitute the perfect evening for you? A nice dinner and a cocktail or two with good friends

8. Have you ever been to a strip club? In the 1980s, we went to a male strip club in Lake Geneva for a bachelorette party. More than the naked men, I remember that the maid of honor (who was in charge) neglected to make hotel reservations. So there we were,90 minutes from home and too drunk to drive with nowhere to sleep. So not only was that my only trip to a strip club, it was the only time I peed by the side of the road and spent the night in a car. (Ah, youth!)

9. What is the last thing you said aloud? Connie. (She's my cat.)

10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Mint chocolate chip

11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Water

12. What are you wearing right now? This t-shirt in 2XL. Yes, I am a vision of loveliness.

13. What was the last thing you ate? A chocolate cupcake with chocolate icing before bed last night.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Nope. I mean, when you have an "Anthony Rizzo is my captain forever" shirt, what else do you need?

15. When was the last time you ran? Oh, hell, I can't even recall!

He's a nice boy

My favorite-most ballplayer, Anthony Rizzo, told reporters he had "a slew" of family in the Bronx for the weekend. They're celebrating Mother's Day and Yankees Star Wars night, when the team gave away the Anthony Rizzo Mandolorian Bobblehead.

He responded in fine fashion. In 9 at bats, he got 5 hits and scored 4 runs -- including two homers. And this was against the powerhouse Tampa Bay Rays! During that two home run game, fans demanded a curtain call, which I gather is a big deal at Yankee Stadium.

From the New York Post

Every home run he hits is worth $3,300 in pledges from fans like me to his charity, which helps families facing pediatric cancer. 

Here's hoping his hot streak continues and he can deliver more hits and runs on Mother's Day. Everything about this makes me happy.

Try not being deplorable

I caught enough of Donald Trump on the CNN Town Hall to hear him disparage E Jean Carroll (again) and our legal system (again) and a woman reporter who tried to hold him responsible for his own actions (again). While his ignorance/arrogance cocktail no longer shocks me, it's still very icky.

No, it was the audience laughing at him. Cheering him. They shocked me. But here's what that enthusiastic MAGA crowd taught me:

1) If a woman doesn't report sexual abuse right away, it didn't happen. I was molested by a relative in 1974 and date raped by a boyfriend in December 1987. I didn't tell authorities about either incident because I was humiliated, frightened, and sure I wouldn't be believed. Feel free to tell me it didn't happen. Laugh at me, too. Go ahead. Prove to me that I was right to feel humiliated, frightened, and sure I wouldn't be believed. If I finally screw up the courage to come forward now and name names, perhaps to help other women, be sure to say I'm indulging in "a vendetta."

2) We should dismiss the E Jean Carroll verdict because the judge was "Clinton appointed." There's massive evidence on this blog that I am beyond contemptuous of Donald Trump. Therefore, if I am ever a litigant or defendant, I should be able to ignore any verdict overseen by a judge appointed by a Republican, right?

3) Call anyone who asks you to explain yourself "nasty." This is not rude or boorish. This does not make you a sociopath. It's called "owning" the person who has the temerity to hold you responsible for your own actions.

4) Engage in what-about-ism. Do not for one moment acknowledge the urge to throw up in your mouth while watching Donald Trump and his MAGA supporters because you know about Hunter Biden's laptop and "the swamp."

5) By all means, wrap yourself in my Christian faith. Laughing at assault victims, name-calling and any other form of antisocial behavior is all OK because you say you read the Bible regularly. I don't recall the passages where Jesus indulged in or endorsed any of this, but it's fine because of Hunter Biden's laptop and "the swamp."

Hillary Clinton once called Trump supporters "deplorable," and they objected strongly. Perhaps, if they find that term offensive, they should try acting less deplorably.

I shall leave you with this photo of peaceful tourists preparing to tour the Capitol on January 6. MAGA supporters think these people should receive pardons. Sure, why not? I mean, they're predominantly white and at least they didn't do anything really dangerous, like taking a knee before a football game.

Saturday 9

 Saturday 9: Mama Said (1961)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) This week's song is about a girl who remembers wise advice she received from her mother. Tell us about someone who advised you years ago and to this day you think, "They were right!" This is recent, but I'm going with it: My shrink keeps reiterating that everything bad that happens to those I love is not my fault. I try to protect people from harm and unhappiness and, for the most part, it's out of my control. I can give advice. I can worry and pray. But the doc is right: ultimately I can't keep them out of harm's way if they're determined to go there.

2) She sings about hearing chapel bells. Can you hear church bells ringing from your home? When the windows are open, yes. I live three blocks away from a corner that has three churches (including my own).

 
3) This week's featured artists are the Shirelles, a group formed in New Jersey in 1957. They are credited for beginning the girl group genre. Name another popular girl group. The Supremes! In the orgy of grief after Michael Jackson's death, it made me crazy to hear people refer to him as "the first crossover superstar." Nope. Not by the longest shot. The Supremes sold more records in the 1960s and got more airplay than the Beach Boys and The Rolling Stones. The only group that consistently outsold the girls from Detroit was the lads from Liverpool, aka The Beatles. 

4) In 1961, when this song was popular, Jacqueline Kennedy appeared on the cover of Ladies Home Journal three times. Is there a printed magazine in your home right now? If so, who is on the cover? Diane Keaton is on the cover of the AARP magazine. Caricatures of Rupert Murdoch and his family adorn Vanity Fair.

5) This song was chosen in celebration of Mother's Day. More phone calls are made on Mother's Day than any other day of the year. Who was your last phone call from? The local animal shelter. They returned my call about donating bath towels. (Yes, they need them. The bigger, the better.)

 

6) Salons see a bump in appointments around Mother's Day every year. Partly because moms want to look good for their day, but also because hair, spa and nail services are a popular Mother's Day gift. When did you most recently go to a salon, and was it for your hair, complexion, or nails? Hair. Though my pedi is looking really rough these days and deserves professional attention.

7) Similarly, restaurants experience a spike in reservations on Mother's Day. Where did you last dine out? Was a reservation required? This past week my friend Elaine and I went to Italian Village. Open since 1927, it's one of Chicago's most venerable restaurants. My parents had their first official date here 69 years ago. Since May is Mother's Day and my dad would turn 90 this month, it seemed like a nice way to remember them. And yes, Elaine made a reservation.

Sinatra ate here. If it's good enough for Francis, it's good enough for me.

8) The most popular Mother's Day gift is still the greeting card. Where do you card shop: drugstore, bookstore, card shop, etc.? My first stop is the bookstore, because I like to support them. Next I try the card shop, because their cards crack me up.

9) Sam is celebrating Mother's Day with her mother's favorite, Hershey Bars. Would you prefer classic milk chocolate, dark chocolate or chocolate with almonds? Milk chocolate with almonds.