 |
| Read the full story here |
The 22-year-old who painted this on the back of his mom's house was able to legally purchase a Smith & Wesson M&P15 semi-automatic weapon. Even after he attempted suicide. Even after he threatened his own family and police confiscated a 24" samurai blade and 16 knives.
He used his semi-automatic rifle to gun down citizens at the Highland Park 4th of July parade.
The shock and numbness are wearing off. They are being replaced by anger. The heartache remains.
 |
| Stanley, San Francisco's suave bachelor |
1. Hot weather. Food provides energy. Our bodies burn energy to create heat and keep us warm. In warm weather, we need less of that energy, and therefore less food. (Heat is a major appetite suppressant for me.)
2. Anxiety. Stress hormones can slow your appetite.
3. Stomach virus. Nausea decreases appetite as the gastrointestinal system recovers.
4. Respiratory illness. The flu can have an impact on your senses of smell and taste, and this can depress appetite.
5. Chronic pain. When your body is expending energy to battle an ongoing condition like arthritis, you may lose your appetite.
7. Antibiotics can cause bloat and nausea, which can kill appetite. (This is going on with me right now. The antibiotics I took after I had my tooth pulled have played terrible games with my gut.)
8. Sedatives. When sedatives slow your brain activity, they can lessen your appetite, too.
9. Diuretics. Like headaches, loss of appetite is a common side effect.
10. Change in time/schedule. Some people find that travel from one time zone to another throws off their appetite.
11. Age. Hunger levels can decrease with time.
12. Poor dental health. If it hurts to eat, you're not going to get hungry as often.
13. Boredom. Maybe your taste buds just need a jumpstart.
Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.
This past week I've been exchanging many, many emails with Elaine from my movie group. She's a lovely woman. A little older than me -- 67 perhaps? Very bright and energetic. She used to be a professional dancer and still does yoga and pilates. She has a big heart, always offering to help me out and really doting on her dog and cat. Retired but looking for a contractor job because she's bored.
 |
| Not Elaine and Larry |
Larry is also in our movie group. He surprised Elaine by messaging her and asking about her dog. One tentative thing led to another and they decided to meet away from the group -- in person, not on Zoom! -- at The Art Institute of Chicago. A suburbanite, Larry drove and parked at a lot near the Art Institute.
They walked around the Art Institute for a while. Then they went to the Pittsfield Building for lunch. (It's one of my favorites.) Dutch treat. Then Larry wanted to go to the Nutella Cafe. He'd never been and was dying to try it. They had dessert, and Larry paid. Then they decided to stop by Elaine's apartment to meet her dog, so they walked all the way back to the Art Institute for his car. In all, they walked a mile together, not to mention the steps they took around the Art Institute itself.
They got to Elaine's condo and found a pair of boxes from Wayfair. She'd ordered a makeup table and stool. Larry handled the doors as Elaine carried the boxes up the stairs. She guesses the bigger box was about 50 lbs. He came into her unit and played with her dog for a moment.
By now it was time Larry to head back to the burbs. He leaned in for a kiss and she offered her cheek.
The next morning she wrote him a chatty email, thanking him for the day and attaching a photo of a painting they had discussed while at The Art Institute. She mentioned that her condo building has a nice backyard and she was going to set up a badminton set. She already invited some of us* from movie group and told him he was welcome.
He answered more than a day later:
Yes, it was a pleasant day, nice to talk, and good to get out and see the city. However, one thing I learned from the experience is that I am terribly out of shape and can’t walk nearly as much as I did. The next day (yesterday), I bent down and had a bad muscle spasm across my back. So I’ll be lying low for a while. I likely won’t make it to the film discussion tomorrow as I don’t think I can sit that long. Enjoy the badminton. - Larry
"What the heck?" Elaine asked me. "What's up with that?"
I agreed it certainly doesn't sound like he wants to see her again.
"Why?" she asked. They talked for hours about their personal lives. He told her about his divorce after 34 years of marriage and his distant relationship with his adult children. She told him about her breakup with her last boyfriend, 14 years her junior.
I pointed out that maybe he's intimidated. She works out, plays badminton, hauls furniture up the stairs, and dates younger men. He hurts his back bending over.
So what should she do? What does he want?
Email after email. Elaine is upset because "he started this." He asked her to take their relationship offline and into real life. She agreed, and he shot her down. At least that's how she feels.
I don't know what's up with Larry. I don't especially care (except that he's one of my movie group favorites and I bet he'll drop out because he's embarrassed). I'm just fascinated by how the conversations I had with my girlfriends at 14 sound like the ones I had at 24, 34, 44, 54, and now at 64.
"What should I do? What does he want?"
At what age, I wonder, do single women begin to wonder what we want?
*Yeah, she invited me. No, I'm not playing.
1. What are you currently reading? Girls on Film by Alicia Malone. This is part a study of women in classic film and part a memoir of Alicia Malone's young life, growing up watching them.
To say I am enjoying this book is an understatement. For like Alicia, I've always loved the movies and her experiences are so much like mine. As I post this, she's examining her adolescent fixation on Marilyn Monroe, one I shared at about the same time in my life. In an earlier chapter, she wrote about her love of horses and movies about girls on horseback (National Velvet, which made Elizabeth Taylor a star). Me, too!
What she's putting in context is that while these movies starred women, they were all made by men. What stereotypes were created? What myths are perpetuated today? If you're interested in pop culture and its impact, this book is for you.
2. What did you just finish reading? Finlay Donovan Is Killing It by Elle Cosimano. I know, I know! Everyone who has read this loves it ... except me. The synopsis is original and clever: a suburban housewife who cranks out murder mysteries is discussing the plot of her latest with her agent. At Panera, the most benign chain restaurant on the planet. She's overheard by the woman at the next table, who misunderstands the conversation and assumes this single mom is a hitman (or woman). Hijinks ensue.
There's little in this book that I believe could ever happen in real life, but that's OK. Sometimes complete escapism can be fun.
I didn't like the book for two reasons: 1) Every single husband in this sleepy suburban hamlet is completely awful. Every last one of them should have a mustache to twirl, like a silent movie villain and 2) Vero, the nanny. Finlay meets her for the first time in the bank parking lot, where this recently fired teller is puncturing the tire of her boss' car. Finlay offers Vero the nanny job on the spot, which no mother on earth would ever do. Bad temper, lack of impulse control, shaky grasp of right vs. wrong, no references? Why, I'd love you to watch my two small children! (This is not the only time Vero's values are determined more by exigence than morality.)
Humor is a personal thing. I found One for Money unreadable because Janet Evanovich's style annoyed me. She's so popular that there are now nearly 30 Stephanie Plum books. So what do I know? I'm sure Ms. Cosimano will similarly continue pleasing countless readers ... just not me.
3. What will you read next? Dead Center by David Rosenfelt. I love these Andy Carpenter mysteries.
I had no plans for today. I had a vague idea of things I would accomplish, but then I saw the news out of Highland Park and could barely get myself to shower. I am shocked by it. Frozen. But it's nearly 5:00 and I refuse to give some angry little boy with a big gun the power to ruin my holiday. Instead I will try to concentrate on the good ... and redouble my efforts to get out the vote this fall so more little boys can't get their hands on big guns.
First, my nice long lunch with John. I am happy to report he's happy. We are very connected through this 40 year friendship. We were 20-something party animals, dancing the night away. Now we are 60-something AARP members, he with a cane and me with a crazy sensitive gut.
Then Saturday morning, Elaine invited me to join her and her friends for brunch. I declined. With my face bruised and gut so unreliable, I just didn't feel like meeting new people. But I was grateful she included me.
Sunday I met Nancy and her husband for seafood. Yes, I know. The rest of America has been enjoying beef and pork on the grill -- and barbecue is one of my favorite things! -- but that's just not in the cards for me right now. Nancy was so sweet. She kept emphasizing that she and Paul want to spend time with me, "even if it's over toast and applesauce." We had a lovely time. Nancy's husband Paul watches even more TV than I do! So we spent a lot of time comparing notes on old or obscure things to watch. And we laughed and laughed.
It's hard for me to feel good about America on her birthday. Roe, the January 6 hearings, and now this in Highland Park have exhausted me. But I'm an adult and a citizen. It's my responsibility to do something about this sad and sorry state of affairs. Not post memes. That does nothing. This is an election year. I have to raise money and get out the vote.
*Though tonight's neighborhood fireworks display has been cancelled because the aforementioned angry little boy with the big gun is still, as of this writing, at large.
• Median income: $150,250
• Average home value: $585,000 (Think Home Alone and Ferris Bueller's Day Off)
• 75% of the adult residents have a bachelor's degree or better
• It's 85% white, 8% Hispanic, 3% Asian-American
One thing I keep hearing on the news, over and over, from Highland Park residents is, "This can't happen here." Well, today it did. At least 6 are dead and more than 30 have been hospitalized after a young man opened fire at their 4th of July Parade.
Highland Park Hospital does not have a Trauma 1 Center. Many of the victims have been stabilized in the hometown hospital and then moved to nearby hospitals with appropriate facilities.
Highland Park is in Lake County. Chicago is in Cook County. In Chicago and Cook County, high-capacity rifles are illegal. Lake County's laws are more lax.
While the rifle has been found, as I write this, more than 5 hours after the carnage, the shooter is still on the loose. I bet he will turn out to be a resident. Highland Park is not a town where it would be easy for an outsider to hide himself from the local police and now the FBI.
Do not tell me the answer to the gun problem is "good guys with guns." This was their 4th of July parade. There was a high police presence, and this happened anyway.
My heart is broken. Nowhere is safe. While Highland Park is not where I'd ever want to live -- I believe in diversity -- I know people who live there, and people who aspire to live there. It's the North Shore! For many it's the American Dream to live in safe, upscale Highland Park.
And today, during a 4th of July parade, a bit of that American Dream died.
SUNDAY STEALING: SUMMERY QUESTIONS
1. Favorite thing to do during the summer? Watch baseball.
2. Favorite cold food/dessert/drink that gets you through the summer heat? Ice water. I should drink more of it.
3. Gone to a drive-in movie. Only as a little girl.
4. What are you planning to do this summer? I didn't make any specific summer plans. I'm so lazy, I'm proud I put my winter clothes away.
5. Did the pandemic ruin any summer plans? If so, what? Not this year.
6. Rode on any water mobile (jetski, ferry, boat, etc) Never a jetski. A ferry once. Several boat rides, but not in years.
7. Gone to a summer camp Every summer from first through eighth grade, I went to Girl Scout day camp. I remember feeling very important when as a first grader, I handed my 50¢ to my leader and then got on the bus. In later years, our parents paid in advance, which makes more sense because why trust a 6-year-old with money? But I very clearly remember clutching those quarters in my sweaty little hand.
8. Been to any Asian country (if not, where would you go and why? if yes, where was your favorite?) I have no interest whatsoever in traveling to Asia. I'd rather see more of this country first.
9. Been to any African country (if not, where would you go and why? if yes, where was your favorite and why?) I have no interest whatsoever in traveling to Africa. I'd rather see more of this country first.
10. Been to any North American country (if not, where would you go and why? if yes, where was your favorite and why?) I've been to Canada a few times. But I have no burning desire to return, or to visit Mexico or Greenland or any of our other North American neighbors. I'd rather see more of this country first.
11. Been to any South American country (if not, where would you go and why? if yes, where was your favorite and why?) Oh, you know what I'm going to say.
12. Been to any Australian country (if not, where would you go and why? if yes, where was your favorite and why?) "The tide is high but I'm holdin' on ..." That Debbie Harry song popped into my head as I tried to to come up with an entertaining way to answer this.
13. Gone to a festival/fair. Before the pandemic, in 2019. There were food trucks in the center of town and I partook.
14. Gone to an amusement park. I love these! I'd go back in a heartbeat but my friends look at me like I'm crazy.
15. Binge watched 5 different TV show series (what were they) I binge watch Law & Order whenever it's on. Friends, too. This weekend, the Decades channel is showing The Twilight Zone. I hope to catch several episodes tonight.
 |
| Just off Michigan Ave |
We have been celebrating his birthday every year over this weekend for more than 40 years. But not last year. He was unwell. I was angry at him for being so cavalier with his own health and well being. I was very afraid of losing him. I love John. He's like my family.
A year later, he's much healthier. Happier. A little discontented. Retirement is turning out to be quieter and less consequential than he thought. The days run peacefully one into the other and he wonders where they have gone. It reminds him in a way of covid lockdown. He had all these projects he was going to tackle and he never got to them. Same now.
He has a "job," of sorts. The bar where he's long been a regular lets him eat and drink for free in exchange for being there Friday at opening to sign for deliveries from the liquor vendors. He needs a real job, one that pays cash, but he doesn't want to do anything physical. At 67, he can't do anything physical. He gets winded easily and requires a cane.
But he's happy. He feels connected to his bar "family" and is going to spend a little time this weekend visiting a fellow barfly who is in the hospital. The prognosis is not good -- the man had a stroke concurrent with his course of chemo. He may never come home. John is visiting him, even though this isn't how he envisioned celebrating the holiday. He spent a lot of time in this very hospital and it's disturbing to be there. But he's going to do it. I am proud of him.
I told him all about Henry and Reg. He heard this sad tale only through the lens of how it's affecting me. I appreciated that. He told me I'm a good friend to Henry and it's all I can be.
He liked his gifts. I got him a gift card to Walgreens, his pharmacy of choice, because I know that, even with Medicare his prescriptions cost him, and a DVD of Hacks, the Jean Smart/HBO series because as I watched it, I kept thinking to myself, "John would love this."
BTW, I don't know why I'm giving Emerald Loop a plug. We did not receive the best service. OK, we received rather crummy service. The server never brought my water. He forgot which beer John ordered. We had to ask for napkins and utensils! I'm not sure it was his fault. He was handling tables both inside and outside. But still, I liked my turkey and pear wrap. He got mac and cheese with brusells sprouts. Yeah, not my choice either. But he seemed happy and he's the birthday boy!
A week ago today I had my molar pulled. The surgeon was deft and the procedure was quick and successful -- not a surprise because he's also a facial trauma surgeon at a major Chicago hospital. I'm lucky my dentist recommended him.
But I have felt awful for a week. Compounding my physical discomfort is knowing that people deal with far worse than this every day.
1. I'm a freak. My roots are unusually thick and deep. This is not news to me. I can recall two different dentists commenting on it as they reviewed my x-rays. But I didn't understand the ramifications until now. Removing my molar had to be done carefully and completely or my sinuses would be compromised. So while the procedure itself was uneventful, the recovery has been a bitch.
2. I'm bruised. From my left jaw to the side of my nose, my face has been my own personal pride flag for June. Yellow, green, blue, and purple. It fades a wee bit every day, but the surgeon warned me I'm only halfway healed. I shouldn't be surprised if the bruising is still visible for another week. I miss covid masks.
3. Antibiotics are not my friend. They made me sick after the dental procedure I had in April, they made me sick after the tooth extraction in June. I ping pong between bloating and diarrhea. It's miserable. I spoke to the surgeon about this on Monday and he told me to stop taking the amoxicillin immediately and begin eating lots of Chobani. But here it is Friday and I still feel crappy. This should clear up "any day." When it's behind me, I want to sit down with my PCP and discuss this. As I get older, more and more is going to go wrong with my body and what are my treatment options, exactly? Amoxicillin and erythromycin not only don't help me fight off infection, they play for the other side.
One more week of this, Gal. One more week and this should all be a memory.
1. Knock knock. Who's there? Denise. Denise Who? Denise are above de feet.
2. Knock knock. Who's there? Nobel. Nobel Who? Nobel. That's why I knocked.
3. Knock knock. Who's there? Beets. Beets Who? Beets me!
4. Knock knock. Who's there? Alice. Alice Who? Alice fair in love and war.
5. Knock knock. Who's there? Tank. Tank Who? You're welcome!
7. Knock knock. Who's there? Goat. Goat Who? Goat to the door and see for yourself.
8. Knock knock. Who's there? A little old lady. A Little Old Lady Who? I didn't know you could yodel.
9. Knock knock. Who's there? Voodoo. Voodoo Who? Voodoo you think you are?
10. Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange Who? Orange you going to open the door?
11. Knock knock. Who's there? Butter. Butter Who? Butter open the door and see for yourself.
12. Knock knock. Who's there? Anita. Anita Who? Anita borrow $50.
13. Knock knock. Who's there? Iran. Iran Who? Iran all the way over here, and I'm tired.
Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.
1. What are you currently reading? Finlay Donovan Is Killing It by Elle Cosimano. Finlay is an author, newly divorced, struggling financially, and stressed to the limit. Her life goes irretrievably off the rails during a quick and decidedly unglamorous lunch with her literary agent at Panera. As she describes the plot of her new murder mystery, a diner at a nearby table overhears and mistakes Finlay for a contract killer. Suddenly she finds herself involved in a real-life murder.
So far this is a very funny book. Finlay is likeable, sympathetic, and harried. Nothing goes right for this girl. You've had days like that? Her whole life is like that!
To enjoy it, I've done more than merely suspend disbelief. I've put disbelief in a big trash bag and left it outside. I don't imagine anyone would behave the way Finlay does. Elle Cosimano has made her so charming that still I want go along on this adventure with her anyway. We'll see if Finlay's considerable charm is enough to carry me to the last page.
2. What did you just finish reading? The Palace Papers: Inside the House of Windsor by Tina Brown. This book covers the last 25 years of Queen Elizabeth's reign and how the House of Windsor is slowly preparing the monarchy for its next chapter ... without her.
There's a lot of drama here: Diana's death and the Queen's controversial reaction, Charles and Camilla, the maturing of Diana's Boys -- William and Harry -- and the very different women they've chosen, the mess that is Prince Andrew. Sure, as a royal watcher I've watched each of these stories unfold in real time, but I appreciate how Brown frames it. There's the reality of the situations, the way the powerful British press covers them, and how that press perception colors the way history will view these very fallible people.
Everyone -- from Elizabeth to Diana through to Meghan -- comes off as three-dimensional. These people are flawed, to be sure, but this is not a hatchet job. Brown consistently makes an interesting point: the women are expected to behave in a certain way, and if they stray from script, they're handled harshly. There's more than a whiff of misogyny here, and I appreciate the way Brown lays it out.
3. What will you read next? A book about film by my imaginary TCM BFF, Alicia Malone. I believe she has two. We'll see which one the library has waiting for me.
1. If you were to be granted one wish, what would it be? That my friend Henry would be restored to good health.
2. If you could spend one night alone with anyone in the world who is currently alive, whom would you select? Assuming that we mean this in a completely non-sexual way, I'd like to spend the evening watching and then discussing the new Elvis movie with Paul McCartney. I saw it Saturday and it occurs to me he is the only one alive who lived anything approaching Elvis' story.
3. If you could spend one night alone with anyone in history, whom would you choose? Assuming again that we mean this in a completely non-sexual way, I'd like to spend the evening with JFK. First of all, he was funny. He'd wear well for 8 hours. Second, he was brilliant. His personal writings and public speeches reveal an imaginative mind. Third, what a life! Sickly child, son of the Ambassador to the Court of St. James during the run up to WWII, war hero, Pulitzer Prize winning historian, Senator, cold warrior, President, martyr. I'd love to know how he feels about how he's remembered. Does it matter to him who killed him and why? I'd ask him his point of view on the sins of Trump and Nixon. How does it feel to be co-opted by the lunatic WWG1WGA crowd? And then there's the Mrs. ... I am convinced Jackie loved him. Did he love her?
I'd ask him: What's the worst thing about dying young?
4. If you could physically transport yourself to any place in the world at this moment, where would you go? Hesperia, California. Yeah, I know. It sounds like a wasted opportunity, doesn't it? But my oldest friend is struggling these days and I'd like to see if I can help.
5. If you could have lived through any war in history (without actually fighting in it), which would it be? The Civil War. First of all, Mr. Lincoln! Secondly, I'd love to ask Southerners why they think this slavery thing is a good idea, an idea so good it's worth dying for.
6. If you could eliminate one type of insect permanently from the earth, what would you get rid of? Bed bugs. They really serve no purpose, except to infect, infest, and annoy. I'm not kidding. Flowers don't need them. They aren't a major source of food for any other critter, and they don't prey upon any being that would run rampant if they weren't here. Honestly, I don't know why we have them.
7. If you had to eliminate any single type of animal forever, which would you choose? I wouldn't.
8. If you could have an elegant dinner alone with anyone presently alive, whether you know them or not, who would you want it to be? Her Maj. I mean, if you want to have an elegant dinner, go with the girl who really knows how to do it. Plus, I'd love to meet her. She's living history!
BTW, in 1939 when Princess Elizabeth was 13, she had tea with Ambassador Joseph Kennedy's 22-year-old son, Jack. Oh, what the future held for those two!
9. If you could alter one physical characteristic of your mate, what would it be? I do not have a mate.
10. If you could change one thing about your childhood, what would it be? Something awful happened to me while I was in high school. I still think about it every day. I would be a different woman if that hadn't occurred.
11. If you could have any room in the world become your bedroom, which room would you choose?
This is from the Colonial Williamsburg Lodge. I love the wood and the clean lines.
12. If you could alter one thing about your physical appearance, what would it be? It's a toss up. I'd either like a waist or cheekbones.
13. If you could have stopped aging at any point in your life up to the present, how old would you wish to remain? I liked being 35. I felt sexy and smart.
14. If you could suddenly possess an extraordinary talent in one of the arts, what would you like it to be? Oh, I'd love to sing!
15. If you could have permanent possession of any single object in the world, what would you want it to be? I got nothing for you on this. Sorry.
