But I want it!

Here's an invitation to the wedding of Senator John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline Lee Bouvier. It was addressed to one of the groomsmen, Dave Powers, JFK's close friend for 15 years -- beginning with Kennedy's first foray into politics until his murder in 1963. Powers was the first curator of The Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. And many of Powers' personal items are available today through John McInnis Auctioneers. As I understand it, a portion of the proceeds will go to the Library.

Fortunately the McInnis website is pretty difficult to navigate. Otherwise I'd be tempted to bid. And I really can't afford these things, much as I might want them.

I find the things that humanize Presidents the most touching. I have been honored to run my hand along the original banister in Abraham Lincoln's Springfield home, and as I did I wondered about the life he led there in the only home he shared with his four sons, how it helped shaped him.

Likewise, it would be a privilege to touch this birthday card, the last one John Kennedy, Jr., would give his daddy and the only one he was able to sign himself. With this card, I'd be holding history in my hands.

But it's not going to happen. And I suppose it shouldn't. There are so many more useful, earthbound things I should be doing with my money. But ... but ... but ...

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Basically Obscure Meme-Part 2


38: How did you spend Valentines day? Eating Girl Scout cookies. I feel bad about it. I bought a box from a coworker's niece and then just kept devouring them until they were gone. I have no self control!

39: Do you eat enough vegetables? No. I try to eat two servings/day, but I mix it up between fruit and vegetables.

40: Do you like horror movies? How about thrillers? I like thrillers more than horror. For example, Side Effects with really good, and it was all about the suspense. (And Jude Law looks and talks soooo cute.)

41: Do you like scotch? No.

42: Who is someone you would never swear in front of? Members of the clergy.

43: Coolest thing you've ever seen on Halloween? Nothing comes to mind. I'm sorry.

44: If you could change your natural hair color, would you? To what? I'm done with that. But for decades, I was a redhead, courtesy of Nice 'n Easy.

45: What subject would you take if you were forced to take a free class? Spanish. And you wouldn't even have to force me.

46: Do you use a reusable grocery bags? Yes.

47: City or nature person? City.

48: Have you ever used something other than "makeup" as makeup? (Like paint? Markers?) No.

49: Do heights bother you? Can look look out the window on the top floor of a skyscraper? Not really. I've worked in tall office buildings since I was teenager.

50: Post 5 awesome things about your blog. BRAG AWAY!

• I post often. Come back here every day or two and you'll have something new to read. I'm very blabby.

• I'm frank. I don't pull any punches here.

• I try never to leave you hanging. Since I blog mostly for myself, to create a digital diary of my life I can look back on, I sometimes have to remind myself that I have readers and they deserve to know how incidents turned out. That's also why I try to include links.

• My new layout is easy to read.

• My content is pretty eclectic. This is important to me as I grow older. Yesterday, as part of Saturday 9, I used the phrase "hair metal band." One of the responders -- a Baby Boomer like me -- kept complaining that he didn't know what it meant. I'm not kidding. He said it on his own blog and then again and again while commenting on other responders. Did it not occur to him to Google it? That would have taken less time. Was he that incurious? Or did he just enjoy sitting back and complaining like the old Muppets in the balcony? This gentleman didn't mean to, but he gave me a great example of how not to be, and I'm taking it to heart.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Pour Some Sugar on Me

1) Do you have a favorite "hair metal band?" I used to be quite the snob when it came to this genre, and I still can't tell my Poison from my Whitesnake. But then I saw Rock of Ages (both the movie and the play) and I realized how many of the individual songs I have always enjoyed and know all the lyrics to. But I still can't point to a single glam band and say, "I love those guys!"
 
2) Def Leppard got their start in South Yorkshire, England. Have you ever been to the UK? Nope
 
3) Who would you rather chat with, one-on-one: Prince Philip, Prince Charles, Prince William or Prince Harry? Prince Charles. Yeah, I know. He seems like such a dweeb. But he's seen so much life. He's met all kinds of people I'm curious to hear about, from Winston Churchill to Jackie Onassis. He was there the day the Beatles got their MBEs. And of course, Diana. I'd love to hear what she was really like. Like Jackie, she continues to fascinate me long after she's gone.

 

4) Do you use real sugar, or a sugar substitute? I put Truvia on my breakfast cereal and in my tea, and it works just fine.

 
5)  Valentine's Day is big for candy sales. Did you indulge in any Valentine-themed, sugary treats this week? One of my coworkers gave me milk chocolate heart.

 
6) Do you regularly balance your checkbook? Well, Quicken does. That count?

 
7) What was your last impulse purchase? I got the entire series of Peyton Place on DVD. Every soapy episode! I can't tell you how much I'm loving it! My parents watched it when I was a little girl, and  I wasn't allowed to because of the "adult content."* That made me obsessed with it and I always tried to sneak into the room when it was on or watch it at friends' homes. It's amusing to me how much I remember. And I still think Dr. Rossi has kind eyes. When I was a kid, I thought he'd be gentle when he gave me a shot.

8) When Sam was a girl, she had nightmares about snakes under her bed. When did you last have a bad dream? The most recent one that I can recall was after I had surgery in 2011. The pain meds inspired the most awful dreams -- and there was one especially upsetting one that had me struggling to save a black and white dog from the Chicago River, only to have him leap out of my arms, race away and get squished in traffic. The doctor told me the dreams were my body's way of protecting me, that the last dose of pain medication was wearing off and I was waking myself up to take another pill. That makes sense, but I was very glad when I no longer needed the medication!

9) We're ordering pizza. Do you want deep dish or thin crust? Hmmm .... I think I'd like thin crust.


*How quaint it seems by today's standards!

Hallelujah!

My older sister actually cooperated and signed the agreement required by the bank re: our mother's reverse mortgage. There was no drama. She didn't produce any small, fiery hoops for me to jump through. She just signed the document and returned it.

Hip-hip-hooray!

I didn't see this coming

Last night, when I showed up for my monthly appointment with my shrink, I got quite a shock.

After decades, she's leaving!

Her husband died in September 2011, and since then there hasn't been much holding her in Chicagoland. She put her house up for sale before Christmas and was surprised when it sold as quickly as it has. Next month she is moving to Boston to be near her sister, her daughter and her grandchildren.

She has seen me through a lot: the breakup with my hideous, abusive boyfriend, as well as the heartbreaking breakup with the good man who was my true love. Together we went through my dad's death, as well as my mom's. She helped me decide to walk away from my career as creative director and re-enter the workforce after a year and a half of freelancing. The scary mood swings of menopause. I couldn't have done all of this without her.

But you know what? I don't need her anymore. I had been thinking that over the last several weeks. I've handled the stressful business of my mother's final affairs without requiring much support from her, and I have done it well.

And she agrees. It's time. I'm going to see her one more time, in early March. During that final office session, we're going to talk about how we'll proceed. We may schedule some phone consultations in advance, maybe I'll be comfortable leaving there with her cellphone number in my purse, just in case I need her. She will always be my objective sounding board … if I need her.

It was wonderful to discuss all this with her last night. To learn that we're on the same page, that we both think I'm ready to take off and face life without her. On the way out, we hugged and she stroked my hair -- something she's never done before. Of all her patients, I've been with her the longest. Like my blog readers, she knows me without artifice. It was nice to know that she knows me, sees me as I am, and still cares about me as a person.

Hopefully she and I will both live happily ever after.

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #210

THIRTEEN FACTS ABOUT

AMERICAN IDOL'S IDOLS

On the air for more than a decade now, American Idol has become a way of American life. As Season 12 is in full gear, I thought it would be fun to look back.

1) Brian Dunkleman is the forgotten man of American Idol. He cohosted with Ryan Seacrest in Season 1 … but left to pursue his standup career.

2) The winner receives a deal from a major label and the guarantee of up to six albums.

3)  Kelly Clarkson won Season 1. Now 30, she's gone on to a spectacular career. She's had a dozen #1's and has  won American Music Awards, Grammys, VMAs, People's Choice Awards and has been nominated for awards as diverse as Belgium's TMF and Monaco's World Music Awards.

4) Ruben Studdard won Season 2. While not as successful as Kelly, or even the runner up that year, Clay Aiken, he works steadily and has been nominated for a Grammy and an AMA. He's branched out into musical theater, playing Fats Waller in the touring company of Ain't Misbehavin'.

5) Fantasia Barrino won Season 3. Her music has sold modestly well. but her real success has come with her made-for-TV movie (The Fantasia Barrino Story: Life Is Not a Fairytale) and as Celie on Broadway in The Color Purple. Even hardened critics like Clive Barnes applauded her.

6) Carrie Underwood won Season 4. Even more than Kelly Clarkson, she's Idol's greatest success. Her tours alone have made more than $95 million. In terms of CD sales, in 2010, Billboard magazine proclaimed her the best-selling country music artist of the new millennium.

7) Taylor Hicks won Season 5. Let me preface this by saying I LIKE HIM. His first song after Idol, "Do I Make You Proud?", went to #2 on the Billboard charts and was certified gold. But he's been overshadowed by the contestants he beat that year -- Katharine McPhee stars on NBC's Smash, Chris Daughtry leads his own Grammy-nominated rock band, and Kellie Pickler has won numerous CMT awards.

8) Jordin Sparks won Season 6. She's had great success on tour, often opening for other acts like Alicia Keys, The Jonas Bros. and Britney Spears. She has a clothing line, available at Wet Seal stores, and a fragrance, Ambition. In 2012, she made her film debut in the movie Sparkle.

9) David Cook won Season 7. After three top 10 singles, he's parted ways with his record company and relocated to Nashville, and is working on a new sound. (Snarkypants, the photo's for you.)

10) Kris Allen won Season 8. His music has sold modestly well (charting in the top 50) and he's been nominated for People's Choice and Billboard Music Awards.

 11) Chicagoland's own Lee DeWyze won Season 9. His first post Idol work -- the Live It Up CD and world tour -- was successful. He's recently changed labels and is on the road again right now.

12) Scotty McCreery won Season 10. His first song out of the box, "I Love You This Big," reached #11 on the Billboard charts and has been certified gold.

13) Philip Phillips won Season 11. His first CD, The World from the Side of the Moon, has been a top 10 hit, going gold in the US and Canada. It's selling well in Australia.

For more about the Thursday 13, or to play along yourself, click here.

I Want Wednesday

I want to feel better! About my health, about my life!

Nothing is going smoothly. Things have been scary-slow at work since January 1. At first it didn't bother me. I figured the client was just getting act together, figuring out how best to use us this year. But now, as the work only comes in dribs and drabs, I'm starting to freak out. My boss acts as though this isn't happening. My account team tells us that there's a log jam in terms of getting go-aheads for projects but soon we'll be "slammed." I'm not so sure. And it makes me nervous.

Little things are pissing me off. Example: I ordered a set of DVDs in early January and they still haven't arrived. I email the mailorder house and they keep assuring me it's being processed and shipped, but they have no solid ETA. I don't want to call them -- I'm always surrounded by coworkers in this shared office and I don't like making personal calls with an audience. But I may have to. I don't have $90 to waste on crap that never arrives. (One could argue I shouldn't have spent the $90 in the first place.)

Similarly, I wanted to work out today but I overcommitted on personal favors to others. My best friend asked me to help him work on a proposal for a pro-bono project at his daughters' private school. He's been out of work for six months now and is starting to doubt himself, so of course I'll help him. And then there's my friend in the Keys. He wants me to review/proofread/edit the sample chapter of the book he wants to submit to an agent. I'm ambivalent about doing this because the odds are astronomical against him getting this published, and he's so hopeful and so positive that I'm afraid he'll get his heart broken. But I'm his friend so I'm ploughing ahead.

Meanwhile I feel like Fatty McFatterson. Yes, I could go to the gym tonight. But this persistant cough just leaves me tired, tired, tired when I get home.

I feel like Bruce in "Dancing in the Dark."
I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face. 
Man, I ain't getting nowhere, living in a dump like this. There's something happening somewhere, Baby, I just know there is. 
I ain't nothing but tired, I'm just tired and bored with myself.

That's it! I'll watch this over and over again. He always looks so hopeful when he reminds me that I can't start a fire without a spark. It's up to me to change things, isn't it, Boss?

HEY, BABY!

I'm trying not to be ...

… but still, I'm pissed.

My oldest friend hates her job. She's battling with both her troubled daughter and her daughter's school. She somehow came down with MRSA, and that's most emphatically not fun. She hasn't made any friends in her 2 1/2 years in California, so her support system is only a cousin who lives 90 minutes away (and that's in good traffic).

So I do things to try to cheer her up. She is (shudder) an unabashed Fanilow so I sent her a link to an MSNBC story about how good Manilow's Broadway show is. Days went by before she clicked on the fucking thing.

Today was Lincoln's birthday. She's an Abe-o-phile, so I sent her a nice little Punchbowl "birthday" e-card to brighten her day. She still hasn't clicked on the link.

She sent me a two-sentence email about how she's interviewing for a new/different job at Cedars and closed it with, "And how are you doing?"

I didn't answer. Why bother? I mean, how do I know she'd bother looking at my reply?

I understand depression and ruts. I'm in one myself -- getting fatter and fatter and sleeping more and eating more instead of working out and cleaning my pigsty. I am self-aware enough to know what's behind it.* I'm working on it.

So I'm not judging her for landing in a dark place. I am, however, judging her for taking me so completely for granted. You can't, on the one hand, complain about being alone and isolated and then, on the other hand, disregard acts of kindness.

Oh, well. She and I have been doing this dance for half a century. Neither of us is going to change, so I'd better just get my mind around it and accept her as she is. But I'm going to give myself some time to cool off. I deserve that.

*The ongoing agita over my mother's estate and worry about my professional future. Oh yeah, and I have been sick.

31 Days of Oscar Blogathon: 1940 Best Actor

The First Time Mr. Lincoln

was in the House

 

The 13th annual Academy Awards dinner was held on a Thursday night in late February, 1941 at Los Angeles' Biltmore Hotel. That year, the Best Actor nominees included four men who would become film immortals. The movies they were nominated for were major hits and remain popular today: 


• Charlie Chaplin, The Great Dictator (his only acting nomination)

• Henry Fonda, The Grapes of Wrath

• Laurence Olivier, Rebecca

• James Stewart, The Philadelphia Story

The fifth member of this auspicious group 

is less well known,

and the movie he was honored for 

isn't a cable staple, 

but his role is unforgettable

Raymond Massey was born in Toronto and yet (like the UK's  Daniel Day Lewis) he was tapped to play our greatest President in Abe Lincoln in Illinois.

After distinguishing himself in World War I -- he was wounded while serving in France as a member the Canadian infantry -- Massey went home to Ontario. There he joined the family business, selling farm equipment. That may sound like a rural, Lincolnesque endeavor that kept him in contact with the land, but it wasn't. Massey-Harris was profitable and well established in both North America and England, and eventually it was purchased by AGCO.

Relocated in England for agribusiness, Massey discovered that had the soul of an artist, not a salesman, and was irresistibly drawn to the stage. His greatest London success came in the WWI drama The Silver Tassie. Massey felt a tremendous affinity for the material and eventually both appeared in and directed the West End production. In the 1930s, he moved to film, starring as Sherlock Holmes in The Speckled Band and playing the evil Chauvelin opposite Leslie Howard in The Scarlett Pimpernel. 

Then he returned to the stage, starring in the Broadway production of Robert Sherwood's Pulitzer Prize winning play, Abe Lincoln in Illinois. Massey recreated his triumphant performance on screen, as well. Humble and honest, warm and wise, a voracious reader and charming storyteller, Massey creates an indelible portrait. In this homely, unpretentious man we see the all the makings of the legend.

The movie begins with Lincoln on the Sangamon River, en route to New Orleans with a load of livestock. A mishap lands him literally at the feet of Ann Rutledge, the daughter of a New Salem tavern owner. He likes the town and really likes the girl, and decides this tiny Illinois town is where he'll put down roots. 

The tentative Lincoln-Rutledge romance ends tragically, and his final declaration of love is one of Massey's most moving scenes. Whoever would have thought Abe could be this romantic? (I prefer to ignore that today's historians downplay the great man's relationship with Ann because their romance as depicted here is so touching.)

His New Salem neighbors prevail upon Lincoln to run for the State Assembly, which brings him to the capital in Springfield. The sets are very realistic. I have been to Springfield many times and recognize the windowseat in the poster from the law office Lincoln shared with Billy Herndon.

After his term ends, he begins studying law, and courting Mary Todd (Ruth Gordon, in her film debut). The wealthy, socially prominent Todds see this as a mismatch, but headstrong, ambitious Mary  sees unlimited potential in her beau and they wed despite her family's objections. With Mary's hand firmly in the small of his back, propelling him forward, Lincoln's star rises. Massey really sinks his teeth into the actual speeches of the Lincoln-Douglas debate. As the movie ends, President-elect Lincoln poignantly addresses the people of Springfield, saying he does "not know when, or whether ever" he shall return to his beloved Illinois. It's a moving moment, true to Lincoln's actual impromptu address at the depot, delivered beautifully by Massey.

This film leaves off near where Spielberg's begins. Four years have elapsed, his first term has just ended and the Lincoln now showing in theaters has just won re-election. Daniel Day Lewis' portrayal is wearier, cagier and tougher than Massey's. But that makes sense, for now he is a Commander in Chief who has been severely tested by the issues of slavery and war.

And the 1940 Best Actor Oscar went to ... James Stewart. I am a massive fan of Stewart's and love The Philadelphia Story, but it is undeniably the lightest of the five performances nominated that year. 

While creatively this was his career high water mark, Raymond Massey went on to appear in more major Hollywood films, including Arsenic and Old Lace. He also rejoined the Canadian Army during World War II. He reprised the role of Lincoln several times -- in stage revivals of the Sherwood play, as well as on the big screen in How the West Was Won (1962) and the small screen in The Day Lincoln Was Shot (1956). Late in his career, he found great success with TV audiences as Dr. Gillespie, mentor to Dr. Kildare (Richard Chamberlain).

And here's a little gossip for you: Remember that Ruth Gordon was Mary to Massey's Abe? That gave her a ringside seat to Massey's rancorous divorce from actress Adrienne Allen, which took place shortly after filming Abe Lincoln in Illinois wrapped. Both Massey and Allen were represented by a lawyer named Whitney -- husband and wife attorneys on opposing sides of the case. After the Massey divorce was final, the Whitneys split, too. Adrienne married her attorney, William Whitney. Raymond wed his attorney, Dorothy Whitney, his wife until her death. This real-life tale so fascinated and amused Gordon that she and her husband, Garson Kanin, used it as the inspiration for their script, Adam's Rib.

About the Blogathon:
"Aurora of Once Upon a Screen, Paula of Paula's Cinema Club and Kellee  of Outspoken and Freckled are hosting a new, mammoth blogathon event that coincides with Turner Classic Movies’ 31 Days of Oscar, February 1 to March 3, 2013. It’ll be a month filled with fabulous tales and screen wonders." I encourage you to check out other entries.


 

Containing Archie

Remember Archie Bunker, the Los Angeles lunkhead my oldest friend was desperately attracted to last year? Well, he's the reason why I was pulling for her NOT to get the job she wanted at Cedars Sinai Hospital.

I stalk him on Facebook and know he's been in and out of Cedars a lot lately. Problems with his feet, complications from his diabetes ... He's not a well man, can't work and is just very sour. All I need is for my unhappy and vulnerable friend to happen to run into him and get sucked in.


He has her number. He "friended" her on Facebook. He could call her or post a message (um, like "Happy Birthday" or "Merry Christmas") but hasn't. He hasn't done even the minimum. He doesn't want her. I get it. She's finally gotten it, too.

I don't want any backsliding. So yes, every time she told me about her next interview at Cedars, I was crossing my fingers when I wished her well because I really didn't want her to get it. Now that she's been eliminated, I feel as guilty as I do relieved.

Why am I laying on the sofa?

I took today off work. It didn't seem worth the commute since we aren't that busy and I'm battling a pernicious headache. Probably the result of my trip to the doctor yesterday. She gave me two vaccinations and an inhaler. That's a big influx of meds into this old bod.

What were the vaccines? A flu shot (a little after the fact, I'd say) and a tetanus shot. So for as crappy as I feel today, I'm grateful that my doctor made the connection between my chronic cough and all the years that have passed between my tetanus shot. For, unbeknownst to me, the tetanus shot is good against more than just protecting me in case I step on a rusty nail at Girl Scout camp. It also helps prevent pertusis! She also gave me an inhaler to use at 8:00 -- both AM and PM.

I've been coughing since I returned from Key West on January 1. That's enough! And hopefully, beginning later today, I'll be better.

Big shoes to fill

No, make that MASSIVE shoes to fill. Poor President Obama is delivering his State of the Union speech tonight on the anniversary of Abraham Lincoln's birth. I mean, REALLY! How can any President compete with the memory of the man who said:

"With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations."

The only one who could possible compete with Lincoln's oratory is Lincoln, who also said:

"It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth." (That's the Library of Congress' handwritten Gettysburg Address you see here.)

I just love the resurgence Abe is enjoying -- on the best seller list, on TV and in the movie theater. I'm proud that he's from Illinois and I've been able to walk where he walked. He totally rocks.

McCartney wins Grammy for "Kisses On The Bottom"

That was the Grammy headline from The Jakarta Post. Jakarta!

God, it must be fun to be Sir Paul and have that kind of worldwide, multi-generational acknowledgement.

Enjoy it, my liege.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Basically Obscure Meme-Part 2

21: Would you swear in front of your parents. I did. It used to amuse/annoy me to discover what they (esp my dad) thought was acceptable language and what was offensive. "Fag" is OK, but "shit" is bad? Not in my world.

22: Which continents have you been on? Europe and North America

23: Do you get motion sickness? Any horror stories? I'm lucky enough to not suffer from motion sickness

24: Why did you name your blog whatever you named your blog? It was available

25: Would you wear a rainbow jacket? A neon yellow sweater? Checkered pants? No

26: What was your favorite cartoon growing up? Post a picture if you can. I was a massive fan of Mr. Peabody and his boy, Sherman. Rumor has it a full-length, animated movie is in the works, with Stephen Colbert voicing Mr. Peabody. YEA!

27: In a past life I must have been a... very bad girl, hence my current monastic existence.

28: If you had to look at one city skyline for the rest of your life, which would it be? The one I'm blessed to gaze upon each day suits me fine. Behold Chicago from the Lake.

29: Longest plane ride you've ever been on? To Hawaii. It was actually a longer flight than the one to Paris. Go figure.

30: The longest you've ever slept? I don't recall any spectacular, marathon sleeps. Though everytime I have been sick that's how I've healed, by sleeping and napping.

31: Would you buy a sweater covered in kitten pictures? Would you wear it if someone gave it you for free? Considering that I wore a "Purrrrfect Harmony" sweatshirt from the local animal shelter just yesterday, I'd say the answer is yes.

32: Do you pluck your eyebrows? Yes.

33: Favorite kind of bean? Kidney? Black? Pinto? Sculptural. This is Chicago Millennium Park's Cloud Gate, but everyone knows it as "The Bean." It's so cool and I love it.

34: How far can you throw a baseball? I've never tried. I am a legendarily bad softball player, and I assume I'd be no better at baseball.

35: If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada.

36: Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food? Vietnamese? Korean? Nepalese? How was it? The only one of these I've had is Vietnamese and it's always been "fused" with another type of cuisine. But its always been fine.

37: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Quick! Someone grab an iPhone! For this is a question for Siri.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: The Way We Were
   

1) In honor of Valentine's Day next week, what's the most romantic movie you can think of? It would be easy for me to pick The Way We Were, because it's my favorite movie. Period. But to mix it up a little, I'll say Holiday with Cary Grant and the Great Kate Hepburn. I love how each of these gorgeous, charming but rather lonely people finally finds a person who really gets them and now they aren't lonely anymore.

2) The Way We Were was a tearjerker. Do you think that most real-life love stories end in heartbreak? Or do you believe in happily ever after? I believe what Orson Welles said: "If you want a happy ending, it depends on when you stop the story." I think every romance has happy moments.

 
3) What's your favorite love song? You may not know it. "I Will" is a rather obscure cut from The Beatles' White Album. Sir Paul still does it in concert, and it's always a lovely moment. Just the troubadour with his guitar singing about true love.

 
 

4) In 1993, Barbra Streisand married actor James Brolin, who first became famous as Dr. Steven Kiley on Marcus Welby, MD. Who is your favorite TV doctor? It's been a while since I've watched Grey's Anatomy, but that doesn't diminish my enduring admiration for McDreamy.

 
5) In 2012, Streisand renewed her contract with Columbia, where's she's been recording since 1963. So she's been with the same label for fifty years! Where have you worked the longest, and how long was that? Sears Corporate HQ in The Sears (now Willis) Tower. 9 years. I started there as an administrative assistant and then got promoted to catalog copywriter. (Does anyone still remember the Sears Catalog?) I will always be grateful for the opportunity they gave me, so when I have a chance to buy something at Sears, I do. 

 

6) Sam Winters once worked as a hostess in a chic bistro in Worcester, PA. That's why she frequently gets  frustrated by bad service in restaurants -- she's certain she could make it run more smoothly. Where do you find yourself getting annoyed most often? The health club! Women take up space on the locker room bench for their water bottles and iPods and there's no place for my ass. Or people sit on the equipment talking to one another or (worse!) texting so I can't use that machine. AAAARGH!
 
7) Have you ever taken a polygraph test? No.

 
8) Crunchy, smooth or organic peanut butter? Crunchy.

9) Describe your favorite sweater. A really bright pink pullover from Old Navy. I got it at the after-Christmas sale in 2010 for less than $10, but it's so pretty and soft.

Happy Birthday to Kathy

If you come here often, you know of my tortured relationship with Kathy. I've known her for 30 often awkward and troubled years. Oh, there were good times, too. Obviously. But Kathy is a very complicated woman with a very messy life and I think I bring out the worst in her.

Last year at this time I was done with her. Really, I was. But she refused to accept it. She kept giving me gifts, taking me places, even stayed for the entirety of my mother's visitation and service.

So I was left with a dilemma: how do I lose someone after 30 years without hurting her? I didn't want to be mean. I didn't want retribution. I certainly didn't want a scene -- there'd already been too much drama between us. I just wanted it over. But since she clearly values our friendship more than I realized, I decided to keep her in my life, albeit at arm's length.


And so that's why I sent her a birthday gift: a book that chronicled the 20th century evolution of the suburb where she raised her kids, and a refrigerator magnet that said, "HUGS" because that's how she always signs her letters and emails.

I'm happy and proud of how I handled this. The gift was obviously unique to her and it arrived on time for her special day. But since I mailed it, I'm able to celebrate her and still keep her at arm's length. For while she's earned a place in my life, I've earned the comfort and peace that comes with space.

I have made a commitment!

I like to have a signature scent. Beginning in the late 1990s, and for a long time after that, it was Black Pearls by Elizabeth Taylor. I liked it because it was both floral and musky, and because it wasn't as common as White Diamonds, which every woman seemed to be wearing for a time. Then, damn that Liz, it was discontinued. I still have a few bottles tucked away in a drawer in a dark closet, saved for special occasions.

Then, in 2005, I moved on to Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker. I loved, loved it! The packaging was pretty. The floral scent was good for day into evening. I was very loyal, even as I was embarrassed to buy it. (I always worried the girl at the counter was tsk-tsk-ing that I was a poor tragic thing who thought she was Carrie Bradshaw.) Then, damn that SJP, it was discontinued in 2009. I began hoarding it and had enough to last me until the tail end of last year.

Finally I have landed on a new scent! (Drumroll,please!) Exceptional!

It meets all my basic criteria: it's floral but not overwhelmingly so (kinda like Estee Lauder White Linen, only a wee bit hipper/spicier); not a lot of other women wear it; the body creme is rich; the packaging has nice, clean lines; best of all, it's not a celebrity fragrance and it's readily available online, so I won't be embarrassed at the cosmetic counter.

This search for the perfect scent made me sad about e-readers. For I did a lot of my research with fragrance strips in magazines. As printed periodicals go the way of the dinosaur, how will I find my next signature scent?

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #209

THIRTEEN FACTS ABOUT CRUISE VACATIONS

My aunt just returned from a cruise to the Bahamas. She regularly takes off for the high seas and loves it. Her enthusiasm for this form of travel is so infectious that she inspired my TT.

According to the travel site Expedia, here are 13 things you should know about vacationing on a cruise ship.

1) "The best value in travel." It's easy to budget for a cruise because meals and shipboard entertainment is included in the price. Beware, though: the price of soft drinks, specialty coffees and booze will come out of your pocket.

2) Stay local or see the world. Cruises offer you the opportunity to travel up and down the east coast -- from New York to Halifax with ports of call in Bar Harbor, Boston and Newport -- or go as far away as Africa and Antarctica. The most popular cruise destination is the Bahamas.

3) You can swim while on the sea. Most ships have multiple pools and water slides.

4) Sail away in a spa. Full-service spas are cruise staples.

5) Get healthy. Weight training, acupuncture, pilates ...  most cruises offer several fitness classes.

6) Casinos. Cruises that take you to international waters can provide slot machines and table games.

7) Get educated. Specialty cruises offer courses in everything from finance to film appreciation to wine tasting.

8) A variety of cabin choices. The size of your perfect cabin depends on how much time you plan to spend there, and how much you wish to spend.
• If you're taking a short cruise and/or you're looking forward to spending a lot of time on deck, an affordable inside cabin makes sense. 
• Balcony cabins cost more but give you a better view and offer you the option of room service on your own private veranda.
• Suites are the luxury option, giving you at least 350 sq. ft (sometimes up to 2,500 sq. ft) and high end amenities like a private whirlpool.

9) 24/7 dining. A cruise is not the place to diet! Food is readily available, and most of it is included in the price of your trip. In addition to formal dining and room service, most ships have poolside grills, ondeck coffee bars and casual buffets.

10) A chance to "put on the ritz." While there are usually informal jeans/t-shirt options available, most ships have elegant dining rooms where formal attire is appropriate. Photographers are available to capture you at your glam best.

11) You can bring the kids. Most ships allow children as young as 3 years old. Babysitting is available, either in your cabin or in a group setting.

12) On-ship health and safety. Every ship has a doctor and a small medical center in case of emergency or minor problems (usually sea sickness). For more complicated issues, there's always a plan for getting patients to a nearby port of call.

13) Stay connected. It's easy to make cabin-to-cabin calls and most ships have internet cafes with wi-fi. You can often enjoy good cell phone reception on board, but beware of the roaming charges from your carrier.

For more about the Thursday 13, or to play along yourself, click here.

Next Stop: Geek City

I love hearing about the First Ladies! It's such a fascinating position, a historical Rorschach Test. Because the role is undefined, the way each lady performs it says a lot about her, and the times.

Everybody has an opinion about everything she does. People with way too much time on their hands actually organized and sent combs to Jackie Kennedy because they didn't like her "French" hairstyles. Nancy Reagan spent too much on china. And I remember being in a sandwich shop in downstate Bloomington, IL. Fox News was on and they were castigating Michelle Obama because she said parents shouldn't have to take the subway or a bus, just to buy fresh fruit for their families. "Why shouldn't they?" the commentators were demanding. As if helping parents provide good nutrition for children is somehow controversial. Sheesh!

And yet even while we're relentlessly picking on these women, we're also so proud of them. JBKO is credited with pioneering today's "soft" diplomacy -- while her husband and DeGaulle were going at it tooth and nail about arms and aid, she willfully and single handedly convinced the French Minister of Cultural Affairs to bring the Mona Lisa to America. That breathy-voiced girl not only enabled millions of American school children see a classic work of art, she helped lower the temperature of the negotiations between two countries. I still recall what a big deal it was when Pat Nixon bravely toured a combat zone. And, speaking of courage, who can forget Hilary Clinton speaking out for Chinese women -- in China?

And there are the fascinating ladies who served before my time. Abigail Adams wrote the most fabulous letters, not only to the husband she referred to as "dear friend" (I think that's so romantic) but to Thomas Jefferson and other influential men of the time. I love how they admired her intellect. And my poor homegirl, Mary Lincoln. Treated cruelly first by fate, then by family and finally by history.

Because I love learning about them, I'm thrilled about the series CSpan is debuting on President's Day. I'm anticipating this with the same excitement other (less geeky) folks reserve for The Super Bowl.

Regarding Jen Lancaster: The Artist vs. Her Art (II)

I wrote about Mel Gibson in December -- how I'm sorry I know as much about him as I do because it makes it impossible for me to enjoy his movies.

I feel that way about author Jen Lancaster, too. Here's her page on Amazon. Her books have made me laugh, and one (Pretty in Plaid) included a touching and memorable passage about what fun it is, how exhilarating it is, for small town girls, like she and I once were, to come into Chicago to make our fortunes. It was a lovely piece of writing.

But there's an intolerant undertone to her work. Cringe-worthy, really. Like referring to Rachel Maddow as "he." Really? That's funny in the new millennium? Or sharing how riotously funny Ann Coulter is, and how wise and witty she finds Rush Limbaugh. Or closing one of her books with a tale about verbally dressing down the homeless person who had the temerity to stop her en route to the swimming pool. That passage made me want to put the book down and take a Silkwood shower.

Because she's such an animal lover (someone who loves cats and rescues pitbulls couldn't possibly be as intolerant as she sounds, right?) and so gifted, I used to assume much of what she was wrote was for comic effect. But then a funny thing happened ...

The six degrees of separation between us shrunk. A friend of hers is in a book club with a friend of mine. They read My Fair Lazy, a Lancaster book I enjoyed so much I actually bought a second copy and gave it to my niece for Buy a Friend a Book Week. Celeste* didn't like the book -- she thought the tone too sarcastic and the content more than a little silly -- but was reluctant to say it because she totally respected how fond and proud Ms. Lancaster's friend was. It got progressively more uncomfortable for Celeste when Jen Lancaster spoke to their book group. I was excited to hear all about it.

Celeste reported it was awkward, saying, "It was like 'O Come, All Ye Faithful.' Jen Lancaster was all, 'Oh, come let us adore me.'" Celeste said that all she and one of the other bookclub members talked about during the ride home was how uncomfortable it was to have that "loud woman brag about her accomplishments" in their friend's living room. An influential woman in Chicago marketing circles, Celeste had recently spent time with former President George W. Bush and Maria Shriver and observed that when it came to ego, they had nothing on Jen Lancaster.

Because of the intimate way Jen writes in her memoirs, I felt like I knew her. So I told myself the author behaved that way because she was nervous and tried so hard to be a good reflection on her friend, their hostess, that it backfired.

Around this time I made the mistake of following Jen Lancaster on Facebook and Twitter. For one as sarcastic and critical as she is, she's awfully thin skinned. When Andrew Breitbart died, she was surprised and hurt that Tweeters mocked her sorrow. Breitbart was a writer she admired and he was dead! I couldn't help but sniff. I mean, one of Andrew Breitbart's last big stories was about Barack Obama's relationship with Professor Derrick Bell. Bell died in 2011, before Breitbart called him racially divisive, before Breitbart made it seem like somehow Barack Obama shouldn't have associated with the scholar who was the first African American to earn tenure at Harvard law. A lot us admired Bell, and how he stood up for women and minorities. It's OK to slag Bell posthumously but not Breitbart? Got it.

Or when she incited her Facebook "fans" (not "friends"; she refers to us as "fans") to call and email a suburban car dealership she believed cheated her husband. There were even derogatory reviews on Yelp! posted by people who never set foot on the dealership's showroom floor. It was a creepy display of bullying, and yet Lancaster was so amused by and proud of herself that she recounted the tale in an interview with Jenny Lawson on Amazon.

Or most recently, she used Facebook to plead for people to not be hostile and intolerant regarding the election. She did this just days after Ann Coulter, the woman she finds so funny, called the President of the United States "a retard." I responded to Jen Lancaster that I agreed with her whole heartedly, and that perhaps she could call upon Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter to ratchet down the rhetoric a bit, too. And then I "unliked" her page.

Without social media, would I ever have discovered the author I once enjoyed is self-involved without redeeming self-awareness? Probably not. Should I view her published work as if I hadn't read her tweets and interviews and posts? I don't see how I can.

The lady herself recently said, “No one’s going to be won over by my spouting dogma in my books because that’s not why people buy my stuff. I don’t write essays on why liberalism doesn’t work or why Obama’s taking us down a slippery slope. People read my books to laugh, so that’s my goal. But if my goofy little stories just happen to emphasize conservative values like morality, self-determination, and liberty, well… let’s just say that’s not unintentional.”

Her message may not be unintentional but it's still offensive. "Morality" is a "conservative value?" That would be news to my minister. "Self-determination?" To paraphrase Martin Luther King, Jr., it's hard to pull yourself up by your bootstraps when you don't have boots ... and not everyone has the advantages of the Purdue degree it took her many, many years to earn (oh, her patient parents!) and the gainfully employed spouse Lancaster has written extensively about herself. Her "goofy little stories" now strike me as more hostile than amusing and I'm not spending my money on them anymore.

What about you? Do you have a Mel Gibson or Jen Lancaster? Is there an artist or performer you wish you still appreciated, but can't?

*Not her real name.

Paperwork update

Issues related to my mother's final affairs are slowly grinding to resolution. I transferred the gas out of my name to that of the reverse mortgage company. If they don't want to pay it, that's their business. I'm done. As of February 1, I have ceased footing the bill for snow removal at my mother's home, as well.

The electricity is a bit more complicated, because my mother never switched that account from my dad (who died in 1991) to her. Commonwealth Edison wants proof that he's dead. I don't have his death certificate and I'm not going to incur the expense of getting another one. After all, since my mother had a reverse mortgage, her home was never legally my responsibility. I have just been paying the utilities so my kid sister would be comfortable as she went about the painful business of disposing of our mother's belongings. Now that is done, and so is my largess. So I told the customer service rep that I would send them a letter from the cemetery, listing my dad's plot number and the date of his burial. After all, we wouldn't bury him if he wasn't dead, would we? Well, the ComEd rep said he wasn't sure they could accept that as documentation. "So what then?" I asked. The rep responded that since I am not -- nor have I ever been -- responsible for the property, I should just ignore any bills I continue to receive. "Eventually," he said, "the power will be turned off one way or the other." Seems incredibly wasteful, doesn't it?

Then there's the reverse mortgage itself. Early last month, my lawyer notified the reverse mortgage company that we wanted to do a "deed in lieu of foreclosure" and that as of February 1, I would not longer care for the house in any way. It took them forever and ever to get back to us, but finally they have -- with a list of 8 demands. My lawyer told them that four were unacceptable to us, since we were never the homeowners and we never entered into any agreement with them. He told the company what they already knew -- that the "deed in lieu" not only gives us a sense of closure, it saves them much of legwork and expense that accompanies a typical foreclosure. Their rep said while that may be true, their inviolate procedure demands we sign the letter with 8 terms that she sent us. And so we are, with 4 of the 8 crossed out and our initials beside the big old X's.

By "us," "we," and "our," I refer to my kid sister and I. It remains to be seen if my older sister will get on board with us. I don't know what I'll do if she refuses. Or if the reverse mortgage company refuses to accept our revised letter of intention.

Drink and cry, probably.