These are the thoughts and observations of me — a woman of a certain age. (Oh, my, God, I'm 65!) I'm single. I'm successful enough (independent, self supporting). I live just outside Chicago, the best city in the world. I'm an aunt and a friend. I feel that voices like mine are rather underrepresented online or in print. So here I am. If my musings resonate with you, please visit my blog again sometime.
Over the weekend, Rick Santorum ragged on John Fitzgerald Kennedy and how he handled "The Catholic Question" back in 1960. According to Mr. Santorum, JFK said that people of faith "have no role in the public square. You bet that makes you throw up. What kind of country do we live that says only people of non-faith can
come into the public square and make their case. That makes me throw
up.”
It's obvious to me that Mr. Santorum never read Kennedy's remarks. I have. They are wise and measured and profound. I will repeat them at the end of this post. And if Santorum is serious in his disagreement with JFK, then I think I'd like Pope Benedict to appear alongside him at the next GOP debate. After all, the Vatican seems to be where Santorum will be getting his guidance, not our Constitution.
I believe in an America where the separation of church
and state is absolute, where no Catholic prelate would tell the
president (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister
would tell his parishioners for whom to vote; where no church or church
school is granted any public funds or political preference; and where
no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from
the president who might appoint him or the people who might elect him.
I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic,
Protestant nor Jewish; where no public official either requests or
accepts instructions on public policy from the Pope, the National
Council of Churches or any other ecclesiastical source; where no
religious body seeks to impose its will directly or indirectly upon the
general populace or the public acts of its officials; and where
religious liberty is so indivisible that an act against one church is
treated as an act against all.
For while this year it may be a Catholic against whom the finger of
suspicion is pointed, in other years it has been, and may someday be
again, a Jew — or a Quaker or a Unitarian or a Baptist. It was Virginia’s
harassment of Baptist preachers, for example, that helped lead to
Jefferson’s statute of religious freedom. Today I may be the victim, but
tomorrow it may be you — until the whole fabric of our harmonious
society is ripped at a time of great national peril.
John and Robert Kennedy both spoke so beautifully, even when they were talking off the cuff, and used exquisite grammar. Even if I didn't agree with their content (though I almost always did), they were a pleasure to listen to. (She said, ending a sentence with a preposition.)
Yes, The Artist was a wonderful movie. And yes, Jean DuJardin was a charming and compelling leading man. But for me, the movie (and therefore its Best Picture Oscar) belongs to Uggy. I was so happy to see him included in the celebrations during last night's Oscar telecast.
I heard that, since Uggy is now 10 years old, he may be retiring from long-format film and TV work and will just concentrate on commercials from now on. If that's true, I'm happy see he went out on top.
1. Where are you from and where do you live now? "I am Chicago bred and Chicago born. And when I die, it'll be a Chicagoan gone."
2. Favorite childhood story/book/film? Book: The Little Leftover Witch by Florence Laughlin; Movie: Mary Poppins
3. If you could change gender for a day what would you do? Wow. I have always wondered how it would be to get dressed with an upfront package, but I could get the answer to that in just a short time. Do I really have to be a guy for a full 24 hours?
4. Do you feel you family is complete or would you like more/some children? If by "family" you mean "household," then I feel very complete. At 54, I'm not prepared to care for a baby!
5. What do you do/Where do you work and do you enjoy it? I am an advertising writer. And yes, for the most part, I do enjoy it.
6. Which three words do you think sum you up? Loyal Cub fan
7. If you were a fairy what magical powers would you possess? Remember how Mary Poppins could straighten up the kids' playroom simply by snapping her fingers? I'd like to be able to adopt that approach to housework.
8. If you were invisible, where would you go and what would you do? Why? I'd make my way into all those rooms where I wished I was "a fly on the wall." Why? So I could eavesdrop, of course!
9. What song can’t you listen to without crying? "Have I Told You Lately that I Love You"
10. Which book changed your life – or at least made you think a lot? Saving Graces by Elizabeth Edwards
11. Why do you blog? To create a snapshot of how my life looks at a given moment.
12. What is your top ‘me-time’ tip? First, insist on getting your "me-time!"
13. What can’t you live without? This "me-time" you speak of.
14. Which of all your blog posts are you most proud of and why?This one! It's my 4,190th. (No shit.)
15. Have you ever met a famous person? Who and where? I kissed Bruce Springsteen. Yes, it was very exciting. I have told this story soooo many times. If you still need details, here you go.
16. When did you last have a full nights sleep? Uninterrupted? About a week ago. I'm not good at sleeping.
17. What would you think is harder: Going to work or staying at home with children? I am not the one to ask.
18. What are you doing for Easter? Whatever my mom and kid sister decide I'm doing. I stay out of the planning of these events.
19. What is your favorite drink? Classic Coke.
20. Do you play any sports? Not well.
21. What is your most embarrassing moment? Oh, there are so many. I am such a klutz!
22. How clever are you? I'm pretty clever.
23. Name a new favorite TV show?NCIS
24. Any guilty pleasures? Nancy Grace
25. If you could have chosen your own name, what would it be? Julia, so I could be Julie as a younger person and then evolve into Julia as an older one\
26. Who do you most admire in life, and why?My all-time idol is Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis because of her exquisite self-control and indomitable spirit. According to Amazon, there are more than 800 books about her, and yet she remains an enigma. Since I wear my heart on my sleeve and am about as mysterious as a glass of water, I wish I could be more like her.
27. What is your most treasured possession? I am very attached to the snow globe I got from my best friend
28. Tell your favorite funny joke… A grandmother is watching her grandson playing on the beach. A
huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "Please, God,
save my only grandson. I will live a blameless life if only you return
him to me. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave washes the boy
back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to Heaven and says, "He
had a hat."
29. What is your biggest fear in life? Being dependent and unable to care for myself
30. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? What does it remind you of? Mint chocolate chip. Um ... it doesn't really remind me of anything. Sorry.
My annual spa getaway (like the professional baseball season) is little over a month away. I am returning to Colonial Williamsburg and this past week I booked my spa services.
Day 1 -- Advanced Alpha Hydroxy Facial to "soothe, replenish, and firm
dehydrated or sensitive skin." Then a Longevity Pedicure, which is supposed to last and last.
Day 2 -- My "historically-inspired" spa day. As the website says:"Colonial Herbal Spa Experience. This wonderful spa experience begins with a warm and soothing aromatic foot bath
inspired by a historic herbal recipe from Toilet de Flora. Next, our delightful
orange and ginger body scrub softens the skin and invigorates the senses.
Historically, orange and ginger were imported and used in the apothecary for
a variety of remedies. This recipe of yesterday has been carefully re-created
in a modern way. A warm wrap follows the scrub to encourage increased circulation
and ease muscle tension. This memorably luxurious experience finishes with a
Williamsburg Massage using 18th-century-inspired oil."
Day 3 -- A 90-minute hot stone massage.
I've booked each of these sessions for about 3:00 so I can get plenty of sight seeing and shopping in before my daily pampering.
1. When do you feel that you are at your sexiest? In my mid 30s. I was proud of my body and I was in love with a good man.
2. What's your favorite magazine? Why? I read alot and I still subscribe to a lot of magazines, but I'm always happiest when Allure arrives. It covers health and beauty and lotions and potions and I'm fascinated by this stuff. But Allure writes about it from a consumer standpoint, with the emphasis on what works and what doesn't, so we can separate the hype from the reality.
3. What’s something you do more quickly than most people? Write. Both composition and typing come easily to me.
4. When do you first remember using a computer? I remember what it looked like, but not my very first experience.
5. Who is the craziest person in your family? My older sister. Her grasp of reality is tenuous at best.
6. What one thing are you craving today? Tee hee. What I always crave on weekend mornings. Alas, I'm not in a relationship.
7. What is your favorite thing to spend money on? PURSES!
8. What’s the part of your morning you least look forward to every day? Fighting with my cat, Reynaldo. He seems to feel that it's up to him when I get up and when he gets fed, and I disagree. I am, after all, the one with opposing thumbs so I always win. But he puts up a good fight. For example, this morning he successfully gained my attention by knocking a brand-new box of cereal off the top of the refrigerator and into his water bowl. This soaked the box, ruined the cereal, and made quite a mess. GOOD MORNING!
9. What are some rules you have for yourself that don’t really make much sense? I can be a very messy housekeeper, but my TOWELS ALWAYS MATCH. I get very upset if they don't. I know it doesn't really matter and I don't know why it's so important to me, but it is.
No, not Ross and Rachel and Phoebe. MY friends. I have received eagerly-awaited news on these three, and I'm happy to report their futures are so bright, I've got to wear shades!
My best friend managed to tie himself in knots over his annual performance review, certain that his bosses were underwhelmed by his efforts. I'm happy to report that instead he got high marks. My favorite comment was that he is "nimble," a reflection on his ability to jump from client to client, project to project. This is not something he thought he would be able to do, and now he's doing it well.
My oldest friend had a job interview yesterday for a position at a doctors' office. She thinks it went well, and even if she doesn't get the job, she's expanded her thinking. She moved to Los Angeles for a job in a massive, world-famous hospital, but it didn't go well. I asked why she hasn't been pursuing work for a private practice, which is what she did so well here, and her reply was that the doctors don't tend to post on positions online. In a nice turn of events, she's taking my advice and cold calling doctors' offices and working with a recruiter (it was a recruiter that got her this interview). She's more likely to get a job that suits her this way. She needs some good news, and I'm glad she's moving in this direction.
My friend in Key West is getting nibbles at his resume, too. He really wants a specific position in Portland, and he found out he's still in the running. This is good news because he hates his underpaying job down there in Key West, and with the economy as it is, he knows he has to relocate is he wants to continue teaching at the college level. What has caused me worry is his lover. For he is the one who wanted so desperately to move to Key West in the first place, and he has consistently grown in his career down there -- transitioning from waiter to bartender to restaurant management. I was afraid that my friend and his lover were going to experience tension in their home life as they decided whether or not to move. I'm happy to report that they are on the same page about this next chapter in their lives! His partner is only concerned that the move be worth it financially, since relocating can be very expensive. (I wish my oldest friend had been as wise about her own move.) The important thing to me, though, is that they are are strong and supportive as a couple. I'm glad that, after 20+ years, they are still in love and committed to one another. My friend deserves nothing less!
I get angry easily, and it's not a good thing. I can be sharp tongued and hot headed and I hurt people, including myself. I am not proud of this, and I battle it.
Which is why I surprised by how last night's therapy session went. I told my doctor how angry I still am about what happened with Kathy, expecting her to help me work through it, dismiss it. Instead, she said, "Of course you're angry. That sounds awful!"
Along with the anger comes a big dollop of hurt. This time, my anger is a healthy reaction to someone exploiting my vulnerability. It means I have the impulse to protect myself, that I know I don't deserve such treatment.
As February draws to a close I'm finally beginning to trust what's happening: my least favorite coworker, The Chocolate-Covered Spider, is changing toward me.
Instead of going over my every written word with a fine-tooth comb, looking for (and delighting in finding) errors, she just glances and makes helpful (!) suggestions (as opposed to dictates). She has come by my office to tell me that one of her daughter's dolls reminded her of me, and she showed me the photo she took on her cell to prove it. She told me about her vacation and apologized for not bringing back souvenirs (I always bring back trinkets for the team, but I don't expect anyone else to).
It's pleasant, and sure beats the hell out of dreading every encounter with her.
I'm a little embarrassed, though, for her about-face happened right after her half-day (literally, she was behind closed doors with her boss for close to three hours) performance evaluation. Since her behavior has only changed toward me, it's obvious that her boss busted her for her responsibility for the friction between us. It's almost mortifying to imagine him saying, "Now you make nice with The Gal."
Tom, who works with both of us, says that this is an example of how the review system is supposed to work: an employee receives input, recognizes the validity of it, and improves. He says this is a good thing. I wish I could trust it.
As we wait to see which song will be honored as Best Song of
2011, here are 13 songs that have not only won the Oscar but have stood the test of time. I guarantee that at least one of these will work it's way into your brain ...
1) Just the Way You Look Tonight. "Lovely, never ever change. Keep that breathless charm. Won't you please arrange it because I love you ... just the way you look tonight." Swing Time. 1936.
2) Over the Rainbow. "If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, why, oh why can't I?" The Wizard of Oz. 1939
3) When You Wish Upon a Star. "When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are. Anything your heart desires will come to you." Pinocchio. 1940
4) White Christmas. "May your days be happy and bright, and may all your Christmases be bright." Holiday Inn. 1942.
5) All the Way. "When somebody loves you it's no good unless she loves you all the way ..." Joker's Wild. 1957.
6) Moon River. "Moon River, wider than a mile, I'll be crossing you in style someday." Breakfast at Tiffany's. 1961.
7) Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head. "So I just did me some talking to the sun and I said I didn't like the way he got things done. Sleepin' on the job ..." Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. 1969.
8) The Theme from Shaft. "Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine with all the chicks?" Shaft. 1971.
9) The Way We Were. "So it's the laughter we will remember, whenever we remember the way we were." The Way We Were. 1973.
10) Evergeen. "You and I will make each night a first, every day a beginning ..." A Star Is Born. 1976
11) I Just Called to Say I Love You. "I just called to say how much I care. I just called to say I love you, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart." The Woman in Red. 1984.
12) Can You Feel the Love Tonight? "It's enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best." The Lion King. 1994.
13) Lose Yourself. "You better lose yourself in the music, the moment, you own it, you better never let it go." 8 Mile. 2002.
To play along, just answer the following three (3) questions…
1) What are you currently reading? 2) What did you recently finish reading? 3) What do you think you’ll read next?
1) Star, by Peter Biskind. It's a fascinating, compulsively readable biography of Warren Beatty. There's a lot about moviemaking, even more about women. As I wind toward the end, I wonder if his career really deserves such an exhaustive study. He's only made 22 movies (compared to about 40 for his contemporary and chief competitor, Robert Redford), and really only about 6 were important. Though granted, Bonnie and Clyde is one of the great, influential American films. Instead I think Biskind named the book Star for a reason, for it's about how Beatty leveraged power and persona that played a bigger part in his career than his actual work.
2) MWF Seeking Same by Rachel Bertsche. I didn't finish this book, but alas, I am done with it. This began as a magazine article and, in my humble opinion, that's how it should have stayed. The premise is charming. A newly wed moves to Chicago and wants to find a new BFF. The author claims this is hard to do once you're out of the dorm. But expanding the story to book length doesn't enhance it. There's a sameness to her "friend dates." Plus, as the book wore on, I realized I didn't really like Rachel that much. So I ditched it and moved on.
3) LA Mental by Neil McMahon. A psychological thriller set in Los Angeles. According to the foreword, James Patterson loved it, so I know what to expect -- a literary candy bar that's plenty of fun while it lasts. All the studio politics, the on-set clashes and the sexual sturm und drang of Beatty makes me long for some mindless literary empty calories.
I want to go back. Like a lot of people, I have been listening to Whitney Houston again for the first time in years. Literally. I bought and enjoyed her last CD, but it's not like she's forever in my headphones, the way her sister divas Barbra Streisand and Diana Ross are.
As I listen to "Didn't We Almost Have It All?" and "Saving All My Love for You," I am touched not so much by how fabulous Whitney's voice was (though it was), but how energetic and hopeful I was when these songs were popular. I don't so much long for Whitney -- after all, these songs are forever -- as I do my youth, which, alas, is gone forever.
1. How many gravy boats do you have in your kitchen? That would be none. (Hey, this meme is gonna be easy!)
2. Do the clothes in your laundry basket need ironing? No, just laundering.
3. What is the last thing you wallpapered? I'm not crazy about wallpaper. When I moved in to my current home, I had the paper in the kitchen removed. Does that count?
4. Wooden floors or carpet? Carpet. Though when I get enough money ahead, that will change to wood again.
5. Why do we put out guest towels if no one is supposed to use them? In my case, I guess the more relevant question would be, "why do I have guest towels when I so seldom have guests?"
6. If your spatula could talk, what would it say about your duvet? Nothing positive, that's for sure!
7. Have you replaced the batteries in your smoke alarms this year? "No," she said, hanging her head in shame.
1. Can you name the American Presidents we are honoring? Bonus: Any idea when their real birthdays are?
Hel-lo! I lived my whole life in Illinois, the Land of Lincoln. We are celebrating honest Abe (our favorite son, though born in KY on 2/12) and George Washington, Father of our Country, born on 2/22.
2. Why do you suppose car sales are an important aspect of our President's Day observations in the U.S.? Because car sales have been a huge component of our economy since the days of Henry Ford. But I've noticed white sales are a bigger deal on Presidents' Day. I have no idea why.
3. Have you ever been President of a club or organization? How did that feel?
Nope. I have never even run for anything.
4. If you could have dinner with any President of the United States no
longer living, who would it be? Any particular questions you would like
to ask? (Mr. Lincoln. Of course. I'd love to just hear him speak. Such eloquence, such heart. Have you ever read his Farewell Address, given off the cuff when he left Illinois for the last time? It's beautiful and wise. I also would love to ask him about the Reconstruction. Like JFK with Viet Nam, the tantalizing what-would-have-been is how Lincoln would have/could have brought us together. And then there's the Mrs. I have always found Mary Lincoln a very moving character.
5. On a more serious note, what are the qualities you hope for in our next President? I long to inspired by a President the way JFK and FDR rallied us. I want a Commander in Chief who touches what Lincoln (Abe, again!) referred to as "the better angels of our nature."
I'm watching the PBS American Experience documentary about Bill Clinton and I find myself smiling. I know who he is, I know how he is. I know what he risked and what he sacrificed for nothing more important than a piece of tail. I have no illusions. And yet ...
I believe in him. I did then. I do now. I remain proud of the work I did on those campaigns.
My federal tax refund will be just under $4000. Half of that will go for my mom's 2013 Medicare Part B. Knowing that it is already taken care of is such a relief. The rest will be split between my upcoming vacation and ongoing credit card debt. The state refund will go to pay for the tax preparation.
I was stuck next to our coats. She was
opposite me, having slid into the booth beside my husband.
I appraised her with an experienced
eye: mid-30s, pert breasts, tight ringlets. I almost said, “1985 wants its hair
back,” but that was trite and besides, I was tired.
Poodle Perm touched his hard bicep.
“How does he bathe his wings in hot sauce and still stay in this shape?” Her
finger lingers in an intimate, possessive gesture. But I don’t think they’ve
had sex yet. Probably just a Clintonian moment in the front seat of our car.
I was going to ask how she knew we’d be
here tonight, but I realize he told her. He wanted this confrontation. He's
enjoying it.
They both work at the airport. He’s a
baggage handler, she’s a secretary. Oh, the tales she told me about my mate of
more than 25 years. In the breakroom, his favorite song came on and he started
dancing with such abandon he didn’t realize he was in front of the dartboard!
Lucky she pulled him out of the way! He called her from the runway but by the
time she picked up, he forgot what he wanted to ask her. So he stammered and
then sang, “I just called to say I love you, I just called to say how much I
care.” He often sneaks offsight for beers, and she lowers her voice as she explains
how she takes care of his timecard for him.
“Honey,” I almost say, “I know he’s
high maintenance. I work a 70-hour week to support this functioning alcoholic
so he can waste his pay on booze and blow. By the time I get home he’s
encouraging our son to join him, farting around on Facebook, ignoring his
homework and disregarding me as a workaday drudge. If you think you can handle
my husband, you’re welcome to him. You may be enchanted by a boyish fool, but I
live the corrosive reality.”
My best friend is an interesting case in that he speaks fluidly and expansively but he simply cannot write. Something happens when he takes pen in hand or places his fingers on the home row: He freezes.
So this is a tough time of year for him, for he has to complete his annual performance self-assessment. He is certain that "they" are unhappy with how he handles his clients on a day-to-day basis and maintains that his last review was "horrible." (It wasn't; he asked me to read it and it wasn't that negative. It just smacked of bosses looking for a reason not to give him much of a salary increase.)
Anyway, he turned to me for help. Which is goofy because I haven't worked in double harness with him for years. But on the other hand, I used to be a boss so this is a language that comes easily to me. So I trotted out all those phrases. Here's my favorite: "My creative/critical thinking allows me to successfully identify problems that can have long-range implications for deadlines and budgets, which reduces the need for crisis management."
HR reps and bosses lap that language up like a kitten with a saucer of milk, because it gives back to them all the crap phrase they give their employees. But the question becomes: What's the value? It's purely a word game. If I can write the review for someone who works for a company I have never stepped foot into, how valid is this process? This looking over the past four quarters, recalling our triumphs and searching our souls for our goals and objectives to help us improve in the future and grow the business is nonsense.
We're all still Tony Manero at the paint store, asking for a raise every week and being thrilled and delighted when the boss unexpectedly comes through. Because we're white collar, we like to pretend it's more sophisticated than that. But it ain't.
I'm reasonably certain this is the one and only time anyone has compared my best friend to John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. He was upset recently when his two young daughters, discovering Friends through a Nick@Nite marathon, told him they decided nerdy Ross was based on him.
76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Safety and acceptance.
77) How did/could someone win your heart? Bruce Springsteen won my heart by singing, "Show a little faith, there's magic in the night."
78) In your world, what brings on more creativity? Water. I find I'm frequently more creative after a shower, which is why I think it would serve my coworkers well to make sure I have time for lunchtime workout and subsequent shower. They don't seem to get it and keep scheduling meetings for 11:30 to 12:30.
79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Back in the days when I was a secretary (before there were "administrative assistants") in a huge corporation, I applied for a position as a copywriter in the internal creative department. I didn't have any training whatsoever, but there was a mid-level executive, one of the few women in the company in that role in those days, who encouraged me. That's when I went from "job" to "career."
80) Why did you break up with your last ex? He moved to Ohio to be nearer his big brother and it just didn't seem worth the long-distance thing.
81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? The way Wilbur eulogized Charlotte: She was a true friend and a good writer.
82) What is your favorite word? "Gubernatorial." It's fun to say.
83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: delusional. Meds.
84) What is a saying you use a lot? " ... then we'll miss our deadline and Christmas will be cancelled!"
85) Are you watching Idol this season? If yes, how do you like it? I keep forgetting to tune in.
86) Were you surprised that House got canceled? Nope. Never watched a full episode from start to finish.
87) What is your current desktop picture? I've told this story before, and I'll tell it again here:
These
two photos take turns on my desktop, revolving from one into the other,
telling the story of the day in the life of Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy
Onassis that provides just one example why I admire her so.
These
photos were taken the same afternoon, moments apart, in autumn, 1971.
The photographer who took the first shot and appears in the second shot
is Ron Gallela. He hounded Jackie on a daily basis, dressing up as Santa
Claus to shoot
her while shopping at Christmastime, hiding in coat racks for photos of
her dining and sometimes even smoking (gasp!) with friends, chasing her
in a speed boat while she water skied, following her into movie
theaters, etc. When her children were young they still had Secret
Service protection
and she would ask the agents to, "Please smash his camera," and usually
they would. It got so bad that in 1972, just months after this
incident, she actually took him to court and got a restraining order. I
often wonder what would have happened if Princess Diana had been as
ballsy as JBKO; perhaps she'd still be with us.
Anyway, Jackie
was running a quick errand, crossing Fifth Avenue in front of her
apartment building, when Galella sidled up near her and called her name.
She reflexively turned and smiled. When she saw who it was, and that
this time he had an accomplice with a camera, she simply slipped the
dark glasses on (thereby making the subsequent photos he shot worth a
little less), kept her face impassive and kept going.
She hated
Galella. He was a stalker and he frightened and enraged her. Yet look at
her control. Sure, she could have lost her temper with him (Marlon
Brando literally punched his teeth out), but that would have given
Galella a front-page shot he could have retired on. So she just withdrew
into herself and kept going.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have a difficult time with my temper, which often hurts no one else as much as it does me.
I
hope if I gaze at her long enough and remember the story, some of it
will rub off on me. "Remember, Gal, just put on your sunglasses and keep
going."
88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Oh, I don't like this question.
89) What would be a question where you'd not tell the truth? "Do you want to get together?" I really like my alone time, and I've learned that people take it personally when I'd rather just sit home "doing nothing" rather than hang out with them. So I lie.
90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the
light to find that you are surrounded by WEEPING ANGELS. The Weeping
Angles aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your
bed. What would you do? Pray that I wake up from this dream really quick.
91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good,
and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of
your choice! What is that power? I would suddenly burn double calories for every move I make!
92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can
only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like
to experience again? I was really in love with a very nice man. We were staying with his sister and had to share a twin bed. It was very uncomfortable and I woke up because he was holding me soooo tight in his sleep. I realized at that moment how happy I was, how easy it felt.
93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Something ugly happened to me when I was in high school at the hands of a male relative.
94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your
choice. (let's say that you are both single and available) Who might it
be? See Question #2. The Boss had me at "Thunder Road."
Isn't it nice to see The Big Man again?
95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Boston. I have been thinking about Boston a lot lately.
96) Do you have any relatives or friends in jail? Nope.
97) Who's winning the U.S. Republican presidential nomination? Why? If it's Romney, it's because people are thinking about their wallets. If it's Santorum, it's because Republicans are afraid of anyone who doesn't think exactly like they do.
98) Who's winning the next U.S. Presidential election? I'd like to be sure it's Obama, but I can understand Romney winning. No way will it be Santorum.
99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? "The demonizing and polarization in this country is killing us!"
The pitchers and catchers are all there, and now the position players are starting to arrive at the Cubs training camp in Mesa, AZ.
The new crew -- Theo Epstein, Jed Hoyer and Dale Sveum (who I, for some reason, always want to call "Jeff") -- are emphasizing "The Cubs Way," our blueprint to success in 2012 and beyond. I am hopeful that they're right, of course. But this year is going to be so different from recent seasons gone by that I just want to see how it unfolds.
And, oh, isn't it nice to be thinking about baseball again!
My head hurts. My jaw hurts. I'm grumpy. All I want to do is sleep. Not exactly a delightful day off.
It wasn't all bad, though. While it took several hours in the dentist chair, the endodontist seemed optimistic that she has been able to save my tooth. Yea! And it cost less (or insurance paid more) than anticipated. Double yea! But I'm a little sore. Without the Napoxen, I'd be a lot sore.
The Naproxen combined with the sudafed I'm taking for the sinus infection is taking its toll. I don't feel like myself. And I kinda miss me.
1. Do you every solicit advice on your love life? I have. I am very lucky to have a wide circle of friends with diverse life/love experiences.
2. What was the last thing you argued with someone about? It wasn't really an argument. My boss and I disagreed about something I had done. Next time he saw it, I still hadn't edited it (because I didn't want to). He asked, "Are you going to change that headline?" My reply was, "If you make me." It went out as I wrote it.
3. Who do you hate right now? My "friend" Kathy. A real friend wouldn't treat me the way she has.
4. Who do you love right now? Lots of people. I'm lucky that way.
5. Where do you want to be in 6 years? I want to be better off financially, which will require behaving more like a grown up.
6. What is your craziest vice? I have lots of vices, but none are "crazy." They're pretty average.
7. How did you celebrate Valentine's Day? I went to the dermatologist for dermabrasion. You're jealous, aren't you?
8. What is your most unique or fondest memory of a special Valentine's Day? A man I was in love with gave me a souvenir mug and a tin of hot chocolate. Less than a month earlier, he had nursed me through a bout of the flu with TLC and hot chocolate, so it was his way of reminding me to take good care of myself when he wasn't around.
9. Were you in the same location five years ago that you are today? Would you have expected to be? Yes. Yes.
The weekend challenge: Take a famous story, poem, book, or fable, and retell it in exactly 33 words.
The Titanic
An early and tragic testament to the Power of The 1%. Only
25% of the third class passengers who board the ship just before noon on April
10, 1912, will survive the ride.
I'm still angry and sad about last Saturday's hostile exchange with Kathy. And, unfortunately for my readers, this is where I come to work shit out. I write. It's what I do.
As I reflect on my 30 year friendship with Kathy, it feels a little like the 90s movie Single White Female. Allie advertises for a roommate and finds Hedy. At first they get along well. Then Hedy cuts her hair like Allie, starts dressing like Allie, insinuates herself into Allie's career and sleeps with Allie's boyfriend. I know this comparison is unflattering and unfair to Kathy, but right now, that's how it feels.
I suspect Kathy is really angry at me because my life doesn't work as well for her as it does for me.
Example 1: Ever since I left home, I have lived in this same village. It borders Chicago, which makes my commute to the city very easy. It's racially diverse, supports three libraries, and I have a shopping district and a 7-screen movie theater within walking distance. It has always felt like home.
When Kathy and I first met, I was in my mid-20s and she was a newly-single working mom in her mid-30s. Her teenaged kids remained with her ex in the far western. very Republican/homogenous suburb they grew up in while she moved to a garden apartment in the city. She loved teasing me about how suburban I am, how long I had lived in the same town, how that sort of thing just isn't for her. I tried to explain to her that the town I live in is much more progressive and livable than realized. No, no, she said, always with a smile. She's more of a free spirit than I am, she craves more diversity of experience. She's done with burbs and was now a city girl, through and through. Small town life as I lived is simply not for her.
Then guess what. She not only moved to my town but onto my very street! Just one of those "Kathy things," she said.
Example 2: In the 1990s, after a heartbreaking break-up, I decided to go through training and officially join the church I'd been attending. It felt like the right thing to do. I wanted to make a commitment, to myself and to God, after all the comfort the church provided me when I needed it. I feel comforted and fortified by the congregations emphasis on "Glory to God and service to man." Kathy used to tell me that this sort of thing is OK for me, but she is so much less conventional than I am. To hear her tell it, this Gal requires structure and a patriarchal view of God and religion, but her spiritual life is more creative and more imaginative. She tweaked me about it for nearly a decade -- I remember because she wasn't sure she wanted to go to the 9/11 community prayer service with me right after the attack on the Twin Towers.
Then guess what. I read in the bulletin that she was one of our new congregants. This time she was actually embarrassed when she told me it was one of those "Kathy things," she said. So now she's on my street and in my church -- two of the places she made fun of me for being. She also started going to my dentist (who she took forever to pay) and my accountant.
Example 3: When we met in the 1980s, we were both in-house writers for the same major midwestern company. I left first and found, once I got away from that first job, that my interest turned from hard partying to working hard. I won a couple of awards and found that the encouragement gave me confidence. To my own surprise, I found I had leadership abilities and presentation skills, too. I began my career ascent, developing areas of expertise that would make me more marketable in a competitive industry. Kathy took a different path. She went out on her own as a free-lancer. Saying that she's just a freer, more adventurous spirit than I am. I tried to be supportive. When I had my wisdom teeth removed, I recommended Kathy sub for me over 3 days. It didn't work out. I don't know what happened, exactly, (after all, I was home with stitches in my jaw) but Kathy had a hard time conforming and taking input/revisions. After two days my account team told here they didn't need her anymore, and then asked me to come in on Friday, chubby cheeks and all.
Kathy told me there were no hard feelings, but there were. This was when the digs began. Working in a constrictive agency setting is OK for me, but Kathy sees herself as a free spirit, hungry for a variety of clients and work experiences that my place of employment just doesn't provide.
Then guess what. Kathy's free-lance business went under as my star rose. She wanted to be a staff writer again, perhaps at an agency. Instead of asking me to review her resume, she asked to see mine. Remember that: She asked to see mine. Her response to it was bracing. Perhaps my approach is OK for someone like ME, who is all ambitious and wants to make a six-figure salary, but Kathy is an artist, after all. She writes because she loves writing. She was implying that I was a crass sell-out. I was very hurt by this.
Example 4: Our careers then took us down different roads. Once I got the title of creative director, I realized I didn't want it. I don't have a college degree and, as I said, began my career without any serious aspirations, so I wanted to see if I could do it. If I could reach that goal. I was in that role for about three years and found myself completely burned out. I needed time to think and reassess. I got very, very lucky. The agency I was working for needed to make deep, deep cuts and when asked who on my team I thought should go, I said "me" and they bought it! I laid myself off and got a sweet severance package, generous enough to enable me to pay for COBRA. I also had enough connections that I was able to cobble together free-lance assignments and keep the wolf away from the door for a year and a half, until I decided what I wanted to do. (That's how I ended up in this job.)
By now Kathy was in real estate. Agents are independent contractors and again, she didn't have benefits. She and I were both having "woman problems" at that time. I had painful uterine fibroids, with bleeding so heavy and constant my doctor told me I was in danger of becoming anemic. I had a uterine fibroid embolization (UFE), a successful and comparatively non-invasive procedure that worked like a charm. I knew Kathy was struggling in her real estate business so I asked her if she'd cover for me with my free-lance writing clients. After all, she'd been a writer herself almost as long as I had, and all she'd have to do is make any required edits and pass them along to the art director.
She never found out the cause of her pains and bleeding. I suspect it was because she didn't have insurance. Anyway, she actually advised not to get the UFE, saying that she would never just run to the doctor with every malady like I do and become a puppet of the male medical establishment, like I was. I was furious. I told her this was the time I needed her support, not judgement. And, to be fair, she did cover for me without taking a cent and gave me a deck of playing cards to keep me amused during my short recuperation. But this was an important foreshadowing of last Saturday.
Example 5: I have always lived with cats, from the time I was a little girl. My big old tub of guts, Joey, is sitting beside me as I write this. I love animals and I have a way with them. They not only make me happy, I believe that because I have a natural affinity for them, it's my duty to give forever homes to as many as I can, as often as I can.
Kathy always teased me about this, too. It's OK for me to have cats, but she's really a dog person (like I don't love dogs? Really?) and besides, she's too free to be held down by the responsibility of pets. Besides, unlike me, she had children, remember? She gets her fill of nurturing in that way.
Then guess what. She got two kittens. Before they were very old, Kathy found herself over 60 and financially busted. She lost her apartment and had to move in with her adult daughter. Her daughter refused to let her bring the cats. By now I was getting sick of Kathy's lack of responsibility, but my biggest concern was those cats. Pets are like corks on the water, they just bob along where the tides and our lives take them. Why should they suffer?
So I called all the vets and animal shelters I'd had contact with over the years and found one, near my mother's house a few towns over, that was very sympathetic to Kathy's plight. They agreed to "foster" her cats, keep them together in the same cage, until she got herself together and could afford to reclaim them. They charged her nothing for this, but they did expect her to do volunteer work.
The cats had a dormant virus in their systems and, after a few weeks, the stress of being in the shelter environment made them sick. Bobbie, the shelter manager, wanted to protect the other cats in her care and put Kathy's cats down right away. But she was sensitive to how much Kathy loved them so she called and asked her if she wanted to say goodbye to them. Bobbie moved them to an animal hospital, where they were kept alive on fluids for days, waiting to hear from Kathy. According to Kathy, she never got Bobbie's message -- her daughter took the call but didn't think it was that important and forgot about it. They died before Kathy could see them, but not before running up a sizable vet bill. I found out Saturday that she never worked it off. The shelter is too far away and it was just too difficult, geographically and emotionally.
Example 6: John. I met John first, back in 1981, and he introduced Kathy and me. John is a character, a very dear friend, who has always just taken me as I am. We both love celebrity gossip and music and movies. We both fall for the wrong men. We both like to party. We're good and enduring buds.
Kathy and John have been friends almost as long but nowhere near as smoothly. For Kathy is in love with John. Never mind that he's gay and 8 years her junior. She actually tried to seduce him once in her car, begging him to kiss her. ("It was such a kiss!" she told me.) She believes that his homosexuality is a choice, that they share a bond that transcends conventional ideas of gender roles, and she wants him. She also wants him to stop partying and is very vocal about it.
John believes he is who is he, and that while he loves Kathy as a friend, he has no interest in her sexually. None. This puts a strain on their relationship.
Now that she lives out in the faraway burbs with her daughter, Kathy has few opportunities to see John. He and I see and email and talk all the time. We're part of one another's lives. (Who else could I discuss Nancy Grace's sudden Whitney Houston obsession with?)
I think that's what set her off last Saturday. I reminded him about the book I lent him and he commented on my new hair streaks and that I was wearing pink (a color not prominent in my wardrobe) she seemed to feel left out. John and I are both in our 50s, she's 65, I promise you we weren't playing "Mean Girls" and trying to exclude her.
MY TOWN. MY JOB. MY CHURCH. MY HEALTH INSURANCE. MY HOME. MY CATS. MY FRIENDSHIP WITH JOHN. I think she just envies my life. And I'm tired of it.
Especially because it's not real! I have been very honest on this blog. My life is not perfect. I have my struggles, faults, fears and foibles. But I am responsible for myself and I built this life. Just as Kathy made her choices, and now she has to deal with them. And if seeing my life fills her with such envy that she can't behave well, then she can't be in my life.