WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

1. What are you currently reading? The Lonely Lady of San Clemente: The Pat Nixon Story by Lester David. I am fascinated by our nation's First Ladies. It's a high-profile, crappy job. There's no job description, and yet everyone is always watching and prepared to tell you how you're doing your completely undefined job completely wrong. It's through that prism that I'm reading, and enjoying, this biography of Pat Nixon.

This book was published shortly after her stroke, when she began living as a recluse because she didn't want the public to see her less than 100%. That's what I'm learning from this volume: she expected 100% of herself at all times. No half measures. She had a tough row to hoe and as I read her story, I don't doubt that she did her level best, every day.
 

Also, it's a used book. I love used books. I picked it up at my local library book sale. It had been removed from the shelf of another library -- can't tell you where, only glue marks remain from the old-school checkout pocket -- back in 1988. How many people have held this book? How did it end up in my town? Ah, the romance of books!

2. What did you recently finish reading? Conversations with Kennedy by Ben Bradlee. If you have seen The Post or All The President's Men, you know Ben Bradlee. But before he became editor of The Washington Post, he was the Washington Bureau Chief for Newsweek. He and his wife lived next door to Senator John Kennedy and Jackie. The twp couples became fast friends and their friendship did not end when JFK moved into the White House. This is a very personal memoir of their time together -- in Georgetown, in The White House, at Hyannis Port and Camp David and Newport. 

It's intimate, at times very funny, and surprisingly sweet. And so much fun. These two couples gossiped, sailed, watched movies and enjoyed long Sunday brunches. And State Dinners in the East Room of the White House and golf games with celebrities. They were having the time of their lives, until it all came to a tragic halt on 11/22/63.

As much as I enjoyed the book, I was disturbed by it. Ben Bradlee could not possibly have been a responsible reporter, covering Washington, while being what Jackie called "our best friend." Later in his life -- and as portrayed by Tom Hanks in The Post -- he admitted this.

 

 3.  What will you read next? Maybe another biography? Or a mystery. My TBR pile is stacked dauntingly high with both. 

Unconscious Mutterings

Time for a little free association.

Week 782

1. Adopt ::DON'T SHOP! Go to your local animal shelter, not a breeder.
2. Summary :: Statement. (As in my monthly communication from my bank.)
3. Intuition :: Women's
4. Tears :: for Fears
5. Folly :: Plans
6. Advanced :: Progressive
7. Debt :: Drowning
8. Sorrow ::Pity
9. Early :: Morning
10. Flaw :: Blemish

Sunday Stealing

The Quiz for Grown Ups

1. What bill do you hate paying the most? It would be unfair to the other bills to highlight just one.
 
2. What do you really want to be doing right now? Sleeping! For some reason, the heat went buggy overnight and predawn, my bedroom was so hot it woke me up. Now I wish I could get back to sleep.

3. Why did you choose the shirt you have on now? It's one of the oversized tshirts I wear as a nightshirt. I bought it at the Titanic exhibit in Vegas a few years back, because it amuses me. It's a boarding pass with the words, "Permission Granted to Come Aboard" stamped on it. If only some nice handsome someone would come aboard while I'm wearing it!

Yoo hoo! Mark Harmon! Permission Granted!

4. Thoughts on gas prices? Um ... Well ... I don't give a shit, really.

5. First thought when the alarm goes off in the morning. "What day is it?"

6. Last thought you have before you go to sleep? Depends on what happened during the day.

7. Do you miss being a child? Sometimes.

8. What errand/chore do you despise the most? Soon I have to organize my tax time paperwork. EW! ICK!

9. Up early or sleep in? On my perfect day, I'd like to get up early and then take a nap in the afternoon.

10. Favorite lunch meat? Ham

 
11. What do you get every time at Trader Joe’s? Their mac and cheese. It's only 99¢, and I'm told kids love it. So I always grab a box and drop it in the food pantry donation box on the way out. It's a painless way to help my neighbors.

12. Beach or lake? I do not understand this question. Lakes have beaches. Maybe it's supposed to be beach or pool? Lake or ocean? 

13. Ever crashed your vehicle? No vehicle.

14. Strangest place you've brushed your teeth? When I was in a long distance relationship, I'd brush my teeth in the airplane bathroom because I knew there'd be serious kissing at the gate.

15. Somewhere you've never been but want to go? New Orleans

16. At this point in your life would you want to start a new career? No. At this point, career talk scares the living shit out me.

17. Do you own your own house? At this point, JP Morgan Chase and I still share ownership.
 
18. Do you have a go-to person? For what, exactly? I need details before I can answer this.
 
19. Are you where you want to be in life? Well, I suppose. As that great philosopher Col. Sherman Potter, once said, "If you're not where you are, you're no place."

20. Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons? Either Mr. Magoo or Rocky and Bullwinkle.

21. What has changed since you were a child? I now have a bust and hips.


22. Looking back at high school, were they the best years of your life? NO! No no no no. Negatory.


23. Are there times you still feel like a kid? Yes. Every year when baseball starts again.

24. Did you have a pager? No. Do these even serve a purpose anymore?

25. Were you the type of kid you want your kids to hang out with? Yes.

A Cat Dies

You need to know this. If you are going to see The Shape of Water, there's a scene with a cat you do not want to watch. Look at the wall (as I did) or stare into your popcorn when Pandora the Cat hisses.

That's the only spoiler you will get from me regarding this fantasy film.

Instead I will tell you how beautiful it is. Greens and blues and (in one funny scene) teal. Sally Hawkins makes a sympathetic and ethereal heroine. Richard Jenkins is touching as her best friend -- though his subplot about a diner goes on tooooooo long and contributes to the movie clocking in at more than two hours.

I love Giles' and Elisa's apartments. They live above a struggling movie theater and they have big, arched windows that let in lots of light (natural and neon).

And yes, he is beautiful, too. He of the blue lights and green gills and mesmerizing eyes. Of course, I've always been a fan of The Creature from the Black Lagoon. I have a soft spot for your only-one-of-its-species aquatic reptiles.

Thank God for the Gold Guy

I remember last year, when I was obsessing about Envelopegate and last year's Best Picture Oscar, someone actually posted to Facebook, "It would be great if y'all quit talking about the Academy Awards, m'kay?"Apparently the only acceptable topic for right-minded Americans was how bad "Cheetoh Satan" (aka Trump) is.

I responded by posting a closeup of Warren Beatty's hand as he went on stage with the wrong envelope. Go fuck yourself, m'kay?

I need Oscar. Awards season comes around at just the moment that I miss baseball so much it aches almost physically. And I knew then, as I know now, that if Trump were to be impeached or resign,* it won't be until the first quarter of 2019. While I believe in my bones that our nation installed a dangerous manchild in The White House, I believe the center will hold and besides, I cannot be angry about it all day/every day.

The movies are my happy place, and Oscar is the movies' sacrament. This time of year, there is little as dependably joyful, engrossing and therefore distracting as the race to the Academy Awards.

Right now, I am surrounded by sad. My boss hasn't been showing up at the office because his adult son is in the grips of manic/depression and Asperger's. My art director spends every day on the phone to her siblings, wondering what to do about their father's burgeoning and very expensive love affair with his con artist/caregiver, and then she reports to me on every conversation. I try to be sympathetic, but it's hard because:

1) Every conversation goes the same way. "And he's going to do what he's going to do." To which I say, "Then you have to involve the authorities." And she says, "But the police won't do anything." And I say, "Not the police, a judge. Get him declared incompetent. Talk to a lawyer." Blah blah blah. I know she's just working it through, and I should be more patient, except ...

2) This woman is not especially empathethic. I remember asking her advice when my friend Mindy was coming to grips with her mother being in hospice. My coworker said, "I'd ask her what she gets out of talking about this when she can't change it." So it's everything in me not to ask her what she gets out of talking about this when she refuses to change it.

3) I still see signs that we are on the verge of losing our jobs, and there are things we could be doing together to prepare, and she refuses. She tells me to stop worrying about it. Regarding this -- you know, something she could actually be working on -- it seems, my worry is futile.

Since, with open seating, we sit on top of one another, it's impossible for me not to affected by my boss and my art director. So, when I get away from the office, I just want to decompress. To withdraw. To enjoy.

To go to the movies. And at Oscar time, the best movies are in theaters. So at Oscar time, this fat ass is in a seat.

*And I still think he will be impeached or resign.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Heartbreak Hotel (1956)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) Elvis checked in to the hotel at the end of Lonely Street. Where was the last hotel or motel you stayed at? Southwinds Motel in Key West. Here I am on Christmas morning. 

@10:30 am, I had this whole lovely pool to myself!

2) He sings that Heartbreak Hotel is always crowded. The fear of crowds is so prevalent that it has four names (enochlophobia, ochlophobia, demophobia and agoraphobia). Are you comfortable in a crowd? Not really. Walking up Duval Street in Key West, my friend (who lives there) was all, "I've got to get out of here. Let's go up a side street." The "crush" of people was making him crazy. I didn't even notice.

3) The desk clerk at Heartbreak Hotel is dressed black. Do you often wear all black? Not as much as I used to. As I get older, I no longer think the stark contrast between black and my very pale skin is flattering.

4) The song was written by Mae Boren Axton, who said it was inspired by the story of an anonymous young man's suicide in a hotel. She said she read in The Miami Herald that the John Doe left behind a note that said, "I walk a lonely street." What's the last note you handwrote? (Hopefully it was more upbeat.) It was a "farewell" card to a freelancer who shared our office for two months. I signed it from "Me and the Audreys." The Audreys are my massive philodendrons -- named for the plant in Little Shop of Horrors.

5) When Elvis was 11, his parents bought him a guitar. He had asked for a rifle, but his mama convinced him a guitar was a better idea. Tell us about a time one of your parents was right about something. My mother drilled good manners into me. While I have been teased for saying, "excuse me" to file cabinets and chairs, it has, generally, held me in good stead.

6) Not long before "Heartbreak Hotel" was recorded, Elvis' father recommended he give up the guitar and become a truck driver. Tell us about a time one of your parents was wrong about something. Decades ago, when I was not yet 30, I was toying with buying a condo. My neighborhood had taken a turn for the worse and there were units in a new building, just sitting there unsold. My parents vehemently lobbied against it. It was too much money, too much responsibility for me, all alone. If I'd gone ahead and done it, I'd be living in this same neighborhood, but I'd no longer have a mortgage. Thud! Thud! (That's the sound of me, kicking myself.)

7) There are many stories about Elvis' manager, Col. Tom Parker. One anecdote, about his career before Elvis, has the Colonel painting sparrows yellow so he could sell them as canaries. Have you ever been ripped off? Yeah. Last Christmastime I bought some toys for the Toys for Tots drive. It was Buy 2, Get 50% Off the Third. I realized as I left the store I didn't get the 50% off. But the guy who runs the place -- a mom and pop store, literally -- was sooooo nice, and ironically, so proud of mastering the store's new cash register, that I didn't have the heart to go back. If this gentleman is a scam artist, he's very good and deserves an Oscar.

8) Speaking of birds, Elvis once owned a peacock. It damaged his cars, so he gave it to the Memphis Zoo. In earlier days, it might have been dinner, for peacock was considered a medieval delicacy. What's the last poultry you prepared? Prepared? Dear God, I don't recall. But yesterday, at lunch, I had chicken strips and barbecue sauce at my favorite little dive restaurant.

9)  Random question: You and a friend have dinner at a restaurant. Your friend left her wallet at home, so you pick up the entire tab of $62, including tip. A few weeks later, you two meet for lunch and when the bill comes, she puts down half. Do you remind her that she still owes you $31 from the last time you dined together? Hell to the yes! $5 I'll overlook. $30? No. I don't know anyone who can afford to just forgive $30. (Which reminds me, my oldest friend has owed me $100 for two months now. She mentions it every now and then, so I know she remembers. But you know, I could use that money. My end of month check just doesn't stretch that far. I just wish her life wasn't so full of drama. That's what keeps me from outright asking her for it. But if we were having lunch together? I'd say, "This one is on you because of the $100 you owe me.")

That hits the spot!

Every once in a while, I have a distinct craving for a Big Mac. Not a burger, a Big Mac. Not a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a Big Mac. And so this week I headed over to my favorite McDonald's, the one on Randolph in Chicago's Theater District.

The menu is the same as any and every McDonald's, which suited me fine because I wanted a Big Mac. But it's the sign out front I love. Neon! And it has an upstairs, where no one ever goes. At lunchtime, everyone takes their bag to go. So I got a table by the window, finished my Big Mac and my book, and watched the city go by.

Color me happy.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

1. What are you currently reading? Conversations with Kennedy by Ben Bradlee. Have you seen The Post? Tom Hanks plays Ben Bradlee of The Washington Post. (If you saw All The President's Men, Bradlee was played by Jason Robards.) Before he was the editor of The Post, Bradlee was the Washington Bureau Chief for Newsweek. He and his wife lived next door to Senator John Kennedy and his wife, Jacqueline. The twp couples became fast friends and their friendship did not end when JFK moved into the White House. This is a very personal memoir of their time together -- in Georgetown, in The White House, at Hyannis Port and Camp David and Newport.

I originally read this when I was in high school and was entranced. The Bradlees were tight with the Kennedys and saw them as few did. The President on these pages is cool and sensitive, and defensive and vain. Funny and occasionally vulgar but never cruel. 

Today, the book -- published in the 1970s about events that took place in the 1960s -- sometimes gets bogged down in minutiae about events simply not relevant today. And it brings up disturbing questions about Bradlee's relationship with his former neighbor. I was bothered by what was on the record vs. off the record, and question how a journalist could possibly be objective covering a politician he clearly loved.

Still, it's a joy to read about a President who was clever, caring and curious, even in his private moments, when he didn't think his thoughts/actions were being recorded. And he seemed to relish the job and life in the White House, an enthusiasm the current resident doesn't seem to share.

2. What did you recently finish reading? X by Sue Grafton. This is the first Alphabet Mystery I touched since hearing of Ms. Grafton's death, and as I was reading I was keenly aware my time with Santa Teresa detective Kinsey Milhone is soon coming to an end. So I wished I liked this book more.  

Kinsey is juggling three different mysteries at once: first, a woman who wants Kinsey to help her find the baby boy she put up for adoption a quarter century ago; second, tying up loose ends in a case left unfinished by a recently deceased colleague; lastly, figuring out what exactly is up with those annoying new neighbors of hers. 

Only one of these mysteries is completely solved, at least to my satisfaction. And that left me feeling vaguely irritated. But upon further reflection, I realize that this book isn't so much about what happens, but Kinsey's reaction to what happens. Life has left our girl more contemplative, less cynical. I'll be interested to see how she continues to evolve in Y is for Yesterday, which is now, sadly, the last book in the series.

 

 3.  What will you read next? Maybe another biography? Or a mystery. My TBR pile is stacked high with both.  

A mixed bag

Here's an update on Napoleon and his family:

First, Napoleon has gotten soooo big! Now that the mercury has risen above freezing for a few days in a row, Napoleon has shed his red winter coat. Made for a chihuahua, the coat is really too big for him and when he's got it on, his head looks so tiny. Without it, I see that at, nearly 8 months old, he's a fully grown cat. And a burly one at that! If he was a high school student, he'd probably consider trying out for the football team.

Randi got the job! I haven't seen her since her big interview, but her husband reports she has been hired as a salon receptionist. She starts this weekend. It's minimum wage, for now. But after she studies up and passes her boards, she'll be welcome to start doing hair there, too. The salon owner was very impressed by Randi's references, and is eager to help her get back on her feet. Caleb says she needs a text book that sells used for $17 and new shoes. I resisted opening my wallet, instead dropping a dollar bill into his cup. I don't want them to depend on me financially. I can't afford it, and besides, I may not be working in the building on that corner much longer.

Caleb has the blues. He drives a forklift for 4-hours overnight, as many nights as they will give him. (Though it's never 5 days in a week, because they don't want to pay him benefits.) Then during the day, he panhandles on the wet, wintry corner. He's tired, and he's getting discouraged. Yes, they have a lead on a room in a home in Boystown. But the man who owns the home is something of a jerk -- he doesn't want to rent to gays, he doesn't want to rent to blacks, so he thought he'd be happy with married and white Caleb and Randi.* But now he wants to charge them weekly, not monthly, which means he can decide each week whether he'll let them stay.* Caleb can help him by working on the house, so that's a point in their favor. But they haven't even moved in yet, and the old guy is already changing the rules on them.

To cheer him up, I brought him a Harry Bosch mystery. I don't know if they're any good, but I do know they're popular. And Caleb goes through books so fast, I swear he eats them!

*Yes, Chicago and Illinois both have ordinances that make this illegal, but then, this is an illegal rental. I'm learning that the unscrupulous will exploit the homeless.

Unconscious Mutterings

 I haven't played this free-association meme in years and years. But today it seemed like a good idea.

Week 781
I say ... and you think ... ?

Transparency :: Honesty
Dream :: Lover (the Bobby Darin song)
Delayed :: reaction
Spit :: take

1984 :: Orwell
Suitcases :: Luggage
Polish :: sausage
Medical :: insurance
Martial :: arts
Parents :: dead (well, they are!)

When the going gets tough, I go to the movies

It's my happy place. Sitting in the dark, letting the magic take me somewhere faraway. Today it was Oregon.

I saw I, Tonya. I must confess that I, like most of America, was transfixed by the lurid Tonya Harding trainwreck and always felt sorry for her. But I was also motivated by my disdain for Nancy Kerrigan. She just annoys me.

Kerrigan is a bit player in I, Tonya. This is all about the badass, plucky little blonde. She's emblematic of what often happens when an American girl doesn't fit the mold. Margot Robbie is fierce as Tonya. Allison Janney is going to give me nightmares as the stage mother from hell.

Mostly, I'm glad there's a movie theater that I can run to in literally less than 10 minutes.It's the tonic I needed. I'm happier today.

Sunday Stealing

Friday Questions on a Sunday

1. Have you ever tried to learn (or re-learn) a foreign language as an adult? Which one? What worked for you? I took a stab at relearned Spanish a few years ago. I got sidetracked by surgery, and shame on me for not picking it back up.

2. Do you donate blood? Do you know your blood type? I don't donate often enough. My blood type is AB+.

3. Have you ever been in a play or musical? Not since junior high.

4. Do you use certain text or ring tones for specific people? Who gets their own? Or do you just use the default on your phone? Nope.

5. When did you get your first digital camera? Do you still shoot on actual film, or all digital now? I don't recall when, exactly, but I was rather late to the digital game. For a while I really liked disposable cameras. Now I'm all digital.

6. What do you think someone else would say the most daring thing you’ve done is? I suppose when I went for an executive job I had absolutely no training for. I wonder what happened to that young woman. As I get older, I get more spooked, less likely to take chances.

7. Do you talk with your hands? Yes.

8. Do you have a lucky number? What is it, and what is the story behind it? Seven. I won a prize at a grade school birthday party by guessing it, and I've stuck with it ever since.

9. What kind of milk did you drink, growing up? And now? I don't know what kind of milk I drank growing up. My mom bought it, I drank it. I have 2% in the refrigerator now.

10. What is your favorite kind of pie? Strawberry rhubarb.

11. Are you a note taker? Yes.

12. Do you have an eclectic mug collection, or is your stuff all matchy matchy? Eclectic.

13. Do you have a junk drawer in your house/garage/at work/wherever? OH, YES!
14. What is the longest amount of time you’ve worked at one job – and what was/is it? I've been at this job for (gulp!) 13.5 years. I'm an advertising writer assigned to a very nice, honorable client that I admire very much.

15. How old were you when you took your first commercial flight? To where did you fly? I was 17. I'd just graduated from high school. My cousin and I flew to/from ORD to FLL to visit her dad, my favorite uncle.

Sad

Last week was very slow at work. That offered me opportunities. I could have taken long lunches and worked out. I could have straightened out my files and caught up on emails. I could have surreptitiously worked on my online portfolio or updated my resume.

I did none of those things.

I had the blues, and that kept me frozen in place.

Part of it is my coworkers. One is still (naturally) mourning the loss of her mother last month. One is dealing with his son, who was hospitalized (again) with mental health issues. I've always been a bit of a sponge, and I suck up their sad vibes. My natural impulse is to try to fix things, and these are unfixable problems. Plus, I have had to withstand snark from each of them, which I guess is to be expected as they deal with what they're dealing with. But that doesn't make it fair, or easy for me.

Part of it is fear and panic. I worry about what is going to happen to me (which reminds me that doing nothing isn't smart, which leads to self loathing). I actually found myself jealous of my oldest friend, because she's moved in with her cousin and is looking at subsisting on aid because of her pre-diabetes, heart trouble and bad knee. Damn! I'm too healthy for welfare, I thought. Then whoa! It hit me how incredibly fucked up that is.

Oh well, today is Sunday. The dawn of a new week. An opportunity to start anew and remember my OneWord. Reynaldo is on the mend. I'm fine. I must remember to enjoy the moment.

January 20, 1961

Even if he'd had access to Twitter, the man who said that would not demean the office with bullying tweets.

It isn't that John Kennedy couldn't be vulgar. He spent four years in the Navy. During WWII. A popular joke among servicemen in those days had a soldier explaining the condition of his jeep by saying, "The fucking fucker's fucked." More tellingly, when he was quoted in the press as saying, "My father told me all businessmen were sons of bitches," he complained bitterly about being misquoted. Not because of the vulgarity -- he said he may have said "bastards" or "pricks" -- but he refused to believe he tarred "all businessmen."

Kennedy was too elegant, too respectful of language, to tweet the way President Trump does. He read extensively and constantly. (His wife recalled he often propped a book or magazine on the sink so he could keep reading as he shaved.) His second book won the Pulitzer Prize.

He was also hardwired to be gracious. Nellie Connelly, wife of Gov. John Connelly, was in the car with him when he was assassinated. She reports that he spent the parade route saying, "thank you" to the crowd as he waved. Even though, she noted, they couldn't possibly hear him.

And, unlike Donald Trump, John Kennedy was confident in his alpha dog status. Our current President graduated from Wharton. According to PennLive, he didn't receive honors. JFK graduated cum laude from Harvard and his senior thesis was published and made the NY Times best seller list as Why England Slept.

Donald Trump didn't go to Vietnam because of "heel spurs." Another rich man's son, John Kennedy, had his father pull strings to get him into the Navy, despite being underweight and having a bad back. He lived to see his heroics in the Pacific immortalized first by The Reader's Digest and then on the big screen.

Original 1963 movie poster

 
Women? JFK's wife wasn't The Next Jackie because she was, well, you know, Jackie. Where Donald Trump is denying he paid porn star Stormy Daniels for sex, Kennedy was linked with actresses Gene Tierney, Angie Dickinson and most famously, Marilyn Monroe.

There's no reason to compare hair or teeth.

When a man knows he is the real deal, he doesn't need to try elevating himself by bestowing childish nicknames on his adversaries.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Jump (1984)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) David Lee Roth does a lot of jumping in this video. He credits his flashy moves to his study with marital artist Benny Urquidez. Have you ever tried karate, judo, or jiu-jitzu? Nope

2) Dave claims to be fluent in Spanish. Say something "en español." ¿Cómo están Pablo y Luisa? I don't know Paul and Louise. This was just the way our high school Spanish 101 drill began.

3) Dave appeared as himself in an episode of The Sopranos, playing poker with Tony Soprano. Are you a good poker player? No.

4) Though known for his prowess on the guitar, Eddie Van Halen wrote the opening of this song at the keyboard when he was still new to the synthesizer. When did you recently venture outside your comfort zone? Was it a success? I'm working on building a web page so I can showcase my work online. It's slow going.

5) Eddie's older brother Alex is the Van Halen drummer and his son, Wolfie, began touring with the band in 2007. Have you ever worked with a family member? No.

6) Van Halen's first manger was Marshall Berle. Mr. Berle's uncle was Milton Berle. Does the name Milton Berle mean anything to you? A staggeringly unfunny comedian from the early days of television.

7) In 1984, when this song was popular, AT&T/Bell Telephone was broken up into 24 separate companies. Today, who is your phone provider? TMobile

8) Also in 1984, Michael Jackson was severely burned while filming a Pepsi commercial. Would we find any Pepsi in your kitchen right now? There's a 1L bottle on my counter (because it's too tall to fit in the cabinet). I drink Coke by preference, but this was on sale and I thought it will do in a pinch. If only it fit in the cabinet.

9) Random question: Have you ever been so angry that you kicked or hit an inanimate object? I've given this considerable thought and no, I haven't. I'm more of a thrower.