I am not MIss Melly

I found myself on the train home tonight with The Saddest Boy in the World. This sad sack neighbor simply sucks the life out of me.

His job at Macy's doesn't pay enough ... he was too sick to attend any of our recent condo association meetings but he doesn't like the changes the board is considering ... he doesn't like our  janitor ... the snow is hard on his feet ...

45 fucking minutes of this.

The only upbeat moment was when we discovered we both go to the same dentist. When dental work is the high point, you know you're in conversation hell.

I got home, watched NCIS, and fell asleep. Being around him literally sapped my energy.

I feel like a bitch because I only spend time with him every six to nine months and even this slight exposure puts my teeth on edge.

I know he's lonely. He's living alone in the apartment he once shared with his long-ill mother. He has so little in his life. And yet just spending a commute from the Loop with him makes me crazy.

Melanie Wilkes wouldn't feel this way. Miss Melly, that paragon of virtue from Gone with the Wind, saw the good in everyone. She believed we were each doing our best. She is who I want to be, and I always fall short.

The thing of it is, though, the Saddest Boy in the World doesn't know how I feel. Inwardly I may recoil every time I see him but outwardly I'm polite and friendly.

So while I may not be Melly on the inside, I appeared rather like her on the outside. That counts for something.