Again

Stephen Doe has contacted me again via Facebook. This time he used the "message" function. It's the same old thing -- he wants to apologize to me, will do so in person if I wish, and hopes I will remember the good times and forgive the others. He closes with, "If you don't want to -- understood." Apparently it's not, though, since this is the fourth time he has tried.

He never was real bright.

He seems frightened of the afterlife, of facing God after what he did to me. And frankly he should be. The thing of it is, he still hasn't learned a thing about selflessness or decency. He still isn't remotely concerned about me and how I feel about this as a woman, as a person, as an individual.

Because this getting forgiveness thing? It's about him. It doesn't matter to him how painful dredging up all this is for me. After more than 20 years! It's unimportant that I'm confused and confounded anew by how much I loved someone who was so unworthy of me. As always, it's about him.

His attitude is not what God has in mind for us, anyway. We aren't supposed to do the right thing because we're afraid of Hell. We're supposed to do the right thing because of the Golden Rule.

Now that he's mentioned coming up to see me (wonder how that will play with the Mrs.?), I am trying not to freak out. He probably won't bother, and even if he does, there's security at both my office and my home.

But I don't want to piss him off either. His temper is memorable, and I don't believe he's changed. So I have channeled my all-time idol, JBKO. I have asked myself, "What would Jackie do?" And I think the answer is to rise above it. Not engage him in any conversation at all, but not block him, either. For if I block him, he could get mad. And by not blocking him, I maintain my plausible deniability. Since neither I nor my friend John (the first avenue Stephen used to try to reach me) have ever answered any of his messages, I can just deny having ever received them. As Jackie would say, not lying but making her point, "One receives so many messages online these days!"

In short, I put on my metaphorical sunglasses and just keep going, keeping to myself and keeping to my own path, living my life my way, continuing to leave him alone until he gets the message and leaves me alone. He doesn't have a place in my life.