My shrink had to cancel our appointment, scheduled for last Thursday. And that's too bad, because I have been having disturbing dreams. Graphic dreams. Sexually explicit dreams. These dreams are pleasant when they're going on. It's just when I wake up that they upset me.Because they are about him. The man with whom I had my longest relationship. The one with whom I spent several highly dysfunctional years. Because of the physical abuse that went on, thinking of him sexually is a very complicated issue for me.
We broke up so long ago. I have worked so hard to put him and all he represents behind me. So why am I thinking about him so much now? And in this way? Disturbing and confusing.
On second thought, just disturbing. I'm no longer confused because I realized why my ex is suddenly so top of mind …
The Mel Gibson tapes. When he drank, he sounded not unlike Mel (though without the heavy breathing). If we were on the phone and I could sense his mood change, I'd listen carefully for the sound of ice. For if he was switching from beer to something stronger, I knew I'd better sleep alone at my own place that night. Woe be to me if I read the signs wrong and went to his place instead.
So now that I know where the dreams are coming from, they have less power to upset me. And, perhaps, they will stop haunting me.
I'm rather proud of how I worked this through on my own. So do I cut myself a check for $75?
Oh, I'm sorry to hear about this. Sorry to hear more about how nasty that man was to you, and sorry to hear that it's haunting you again lately. I hope that recognizing the problem will help it go away.
ReplyDeleteI have those types of dreams and really hate them...it makes us wonder why our minds dwell on these creatures of our past.
ReplyDeletewhen waking i just try to think of today and not having to deal with the creeps....praise God he opened the door to a different life.
use the $ for something you love...like yourself!!
Sorry you're haunted. Sending you much love.
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