Can't look away

In no way did the Edwards split happen to me personally. He wasn't my cheating husband. It wasn't my dad who started a second family without telling me. It wasn't my dad who spent two years denying me.

I'm not the one who gets to start my "new life" even as I'm dealing with cancer meds and a clock loudly ticking my life away.

Yet I'm bereft. I can't shake it, and I can't look away.

Elizabeth's sister tells the upcoming People how Elizabeth wrapped Christmas presents and brought them along when she went to meet her husband's love child for the first time. Apparently she wants her own children to have a comfortable relationship with their half sister.

It's an act of grace and courage that makes my throat close up a little. It reminds me of another heroine of mine, JBKO. No matter what else was going on in her life Jackie O dependably managed to suck it up and behave admirably when her kids were involved.

For example, John-John's third birthday. Jackie was at the center of a televised State Funeral that day, honoring her husband as she laid him to rest, then representing her country by graciously thanking foreign heads of state. Then she celebrated her little boy's birthday with a preschooler's bash that included cake and games and presents. She went from Eternal Flame to Charles DeGaulle to pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey all in the same day, within a matter of hours. Because John-John was her son and he was only 3 and he deserved a party. Because she was his mother, and that's what mothers should do.

Like Jackie, Elizabeth Edwards is a profile in courage. I have learned much about life from Mrs. Edwards and her books. I'm just sorry her books don't close with a happy ending. I'm sorrier than I ever imagined I'd be. I guess the little girl in me still needs heroines who triumph over all to live happily ever after.