It's starting up -- hot'n'heavy -- again

"We can't make it past February."

"Gary is so sure it's happening Friday, he must know something."

"I heard it will be Tuesday and it will be massive."

"Why do you think that all of a sudden they want all our timesheets in and up to date?"

I've tried to rise above it … not to listen to it … but it's getting to me and I can't sleep. The writing on the wall first appeared in October, and this week it's been becoming more and more vivid. I've been doing this for decades and I know the signs.

While I'm not in love with this job, I'm doing what I can to hang onto it because opportunities in my field are, at best, limited.

I have a cushion of savings set aside. My mortgage is paid in advance. I estimate that my tax refund will go a long way toward paying my mom's medicare supplement insurance. This is my mantra, my way of reminding myself I'm better equipped to handle this than the many, many other Americans who are in my same position.

But I'm still so freaking frightened. Especially in the wee small hours of the morning. My cat Charlotte is right here by my side, quiet and attentive. She seems to sense that I could use a little support.