I almost died today

I can't stop thinking about it.

After I worked out at lunch today, I was on my way back to the office. The sidewalks were full. There were several of us waiting for the light on the corner. When the light changed to yellow, three or four of us started to cross. There were cars on the other side of the intersection, but there was no way they could even get to corner before the light changed. I was last, on the outside.

A cab driver hit the gas to beat the light and leaned on the horn to scare me out of his way. I stepped back and he swerved at the same time and so I am still able to write this. The cab was closer than arm's length when it sped in front of me.

At the time it didn't bother me. It really didn't. I kept going, picked up my lunch and went back to the office. Finished my day. Took the train home. Never skipped a beat. Never cried. Never even felt my heart race.

But I can't stop thinking about it. Considering the speed the cab travelled at, I'm sure I would have died at impact.

My mom and sister would have found this condo in a HIDEOUS mess. There's the vibrator in my armoire that I'm not crazy about them discovering. At least I don't have to worry about my cats -- my oldest friend agreed to care for them if something ever happens to me.

When something happens to me.

We're all going to die. Today is the first time I got a glimpse of my own. Being hit by a cab would not have been so bad. Sudden, maybe even painless.

But I know today I'm not ready to die. So tonight I said a prayer and thanked God for not taking me yet.

It's weird how capricious it all is.