It still hurts

Oh, it hurts less. But it still hurts. November 2, 2004, I mean.

I worked very hard for Senator John F. Kerry, and I'm prouder of that than just about anything else I've ever done with my life. We ran a clean campaign, even after we were "swift boated." We were scrupulous about reporting our campaign contributions. Both of those points seem to loom very large as we approach another election day, where negative commercials and fiscal scandals seem to be the order of the day.

War hero. District attorney. United States Senator with a sterling environmental record and a clear understanding of the role we should be playing in the world. And real supporter of women's issues. He has not only consistently supported our reproductive rights, he's also long been a serious advocate in the battle against sexual assault and domestic violence, dating all the way back to his days as prosecutor.

I felt completely alive when I was working the phones, canvassing, writing letters, and (that campaign tradition) stuffing envelopes. We believed we were going to change the world. Really make a profound and lasting difference. There's an adrenaline rush that comes along with that, one that's stronger than anything found in a can of Red Bull. I wonder if I'll ever do anything as important again.

When I think of how different Iraq would be today if only ... or how different Abu Gharib and Gitmo would have been if only ... or how different New Orleans would be today if only ... my heart weighs a ton. I often wonder how the Senator is doing, how he feels about coming so close and being proven so right by time and events.

I did my best, but I'm still sorry I didn't do more and didn't do better for my country and my candidate. He's a completely honorable man, dedicated to public service, and we would be better had things turned out differently in Ohio on November 2, 2004.