It's not the same, but it's something

I spent the afternoon with Gregory. Like me, Gregory was one of the satellites who revolved around our friend John, who has been gone for 19 months now. As much as I miss John – and I do, every day – I think the loss is even greater for Gregory. Both gay men of color, coming up through corporate America in the 1980s, they had to navigate minefields I can't even imagine, and I'm glad they had each other. 

But because John was so charismatic, and also because, I suppose, I'm lazy, I lumped Gregory in with John. I assumed they were more alike than they are. In the year-and-a-half since we lost John, I've come to discover a man I've known more than 40 years. 

For example, Gregory is far more visually attuned than John was. Whereas John was all about the tunes, Gregory enjoys art and architecture. There are impressive examples of prairie style architecture in my neighborhood and a landmark home offers guided tours.* I asked Gregory if he wanted to see it and he was very enthusiastic. As we took the tour, he photographed a lot and asked many smart questions. (The man knows his doorways!) 

Photo by Sigmund on Unsplash 

 

Afterward we went to a late lunch/early dinner at the bar in my neighborhood John loved. We compared notes about how our different neighborhoods are enduring the ICE occupation. We talked about Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, Donald Trump, Jeffrey Epstein, et al. He filled me in on others in John's circle that I'd lost track of (Vanessa, at 70, is contemplating marriage for the first time to a man she met at a conference!). I told him about an incredibly trippy old movie I'd just seen – The Locket (1946) – that had a flashback within a flashback within a flashback. 

Something was missing, of course. John. But he's gone forever, and we're here and we have to go on. I like to think he'd be happy that Gregory and I still see one another.

*Free in exchange for a donation to the food pantry. What with the government shut down, the ICE raids and the suspension of SNAP benefits, the demand has suddenly increased. As we go into the holidays, I was happy to help my neighbors.