I've been giving this, and Lisa's personal journey, a great deal of thought. I haven't been happy lately. It's not my job. My job -- though fraught with stress and difficulty -- is just that: a job. No, all my problems are far closer to home.
I've made a mess of life and I'm overwhelmed. I'm fat, I'm over my head in debt, and I'm such a terrible housekeeper that tenacious drainflies have taken up residency in my kitchen.
I'm the only one who can fix these things. Yet I'm frozen in place, like a cat tranquilized with acepromazine maleate. I'm not hypnotized, I'm not depressed, I'm not drunk. I'm just stalled.So, to answer Snarkster's question, if I could do what truly makes my heart sing, I would straighten up my backstage. The area the audience never sees. I would get my world in order. My finances and my home. Then, I suspect, the rest will fall into place. I believe then I'll have the energy and enthusiasm to see the rest of my life and its possibilities better.
I'm the only one who can do this. And as we approach the new year, this seems like a good time to resolve to get off my fat ass and change things.
1) Every month, I will take one bag over to Goodwill. It gets stuff out of here and it helps others.
2) Every week, I will brown bag it at least once. This is the easiest way I can think of to save money, and I've got to start somewhere.
3) Every purchase will be scrutinized. No more just buying shit to make me feel better. It's stupid, and besides, it hasn't made me feel any better.
Looked at one way, these three steps are just a little spit into the ocean. Looked at another way, it's a start. And I've got to start somewhere. Wish me luck.
