It was outrageous and funny when I was a teenager … and I haven't been a teenager for decades. I suppose every year it gets played because every year we have a new crop of teens. But that doesn't make me any less sick of it.
Still, for the sake of those turning 13 this year, here it is. Let's just get it out of our collective systems and move on! (Damn you, Elmo and Patsy!)
Grandma got runned over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
She'd been drinkin' too much eggnog,
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she'd left her medication,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.
When they found her Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack,
There were hoof prints on her forehead,
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.
Grandma got runned over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.
(On her way home)
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Now we're all so proud of Grandma,
He's been takin' this so well.
See him in there watchin' football,
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.
It's not Christmas without Grandma.
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?
Grandma got runned over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig.
And a blue and silver candle
That would have just matched the hair in grandma's wig.
I've warned all my friends and neighbors.
"Better watch out for yourselves.
They should never give a license,
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves."
Grandma got runned over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
