I don't get it

Without belaboring the point, just let me say that my erstwhile best friend's wife is threatened enough by our relationship that she has, effectively, ended his and my 5-year friendship. He's left quite a void, and this situation has left me feeling vulnerable and isolated.

As I try to work through this, I found myself checking out her Facebook page. I have met her and seen photos of her, of course, but on Facebook you present yourself to the world as you see yourself. Her picture is lovely, of course. She's wearing little makeup, just some lip gloss, and she looks like she's delighted by whatever she's looking at. Her interests are her girls' school and ballet studio and she has over 100 friends -- doctor and lawyer friends from the development they live in, moms from her kids' school, relatives whose names I recognize, other members of the cycling club the family belongs to ... It looks like such a perfect life from here.

I look at her face and feel bad that she believes I have caused her pain. But whatever is wrong inside the perfect life she projects is not my fault. I am, at most, a symptom of something that's between her and her husband. I am not in that marriage, that household, or that circle of friends.

In fact, I am about to separate my whites from my colors and change my sheets before going to bed. I don't see what there is about me -- fat and 50+ -- that could make this pretty balletomane and stay-at-home mom with the affluent family and accomplished circle of friends unhappy. I wish she would stop scapegoating me and let me have my friend back.

Not that I don't blame him for hurting me in all this. But thinking about that makes my throat close up and I just can't deal with that right now.

Sorry to drone. But I want this blog to be an accurate snapshot of who I was at this time of my life, and I'd be less than honest if I didn't document this.

"Lucy, you get out of there right now!"

Lucy's locked in the freezer again.

There's an I Love Lucy marathon on the Hallmark Channel and I may not breathe fresh air for the duration. Unless I force myself.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: I Started a Joke

1. Tell us a joke that you think is funny. If you don't tell jokes tell us why. I've heard many versions of this and I love them all: A grandmother takes her beloved grandson to the beach. As he plays in the sand, a sudden tidal wave sweeps him away into the depths of the ocean. The grandmother immediately falls to her knees in the sand and prays to God for the return of her grandson. "Please God, I have always been a good person and a loving Grandmother, please return my grandson to me." Just as she finishes her prayer, a huge wave crashes back on the beach, returning the young boy to his grandmother's side. Grandma begins to cry and hug her grandson that she thought she would never see again. She is overcome with joy and gratitude. She looks once more at her grandson, then looks back at the sky and yells, "He had a hat!"

2. Where do you buy most of your clothes? Macy’s.

3. Which famous person would you like to meet? Why? Cubs’ skipper Lou Pinella. If you have to ask why, you don’t visit this blog very often.

4. What is your ultimate ambition? Serenity.

5. Do you like to live in the area of your country or would you prefer something a little different? I love living here.

6. Has a newspaper or television reporter ever interviewed you? If so, what were the circumstances and what did you think when you read or saw what you said? I have refused to be interviewed for both the Chicago Tribune and the Weather Channel, so I have no regrets about what aired or was printed.

7. What was the last CD/mp3 album that you purchased? How did you like it? "Love Is the Answer" by La Streisand. It's great.

8. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you. "My Tears Dry on Their Own," by Amy Winehouse. "My Brave Face," by Paul McCartney. "Spring Can Really Hang You Up the Most," by Barbra Streisand. "Viva la Vida" by Coldplay. "Thunder Road" by Bruce Springsteen.

9. Do you are your partner usual begin intimacy? I don’t have partner.