I must be a savage

Do you know who these two guys are? The one in color is Ingmar Berman. The other is Michelangelo Antonioni. They both died recently. I'm told they are genius innovators who revolutionized cinema.

Yawn.

I HATED Wild Strawberries. I'd rather watch Natalie Wood in Gypsy. Hell, I'd rather have dental work than sit through that again. I didn't understand Zabriske Point. At least when I watch Elvis Presley in Change of Habit, I know what's going on.

I don't know what it says about me, but the oeuvre of Ed Wood brought me more pleasure than the work of either of these guys.

May they rest in peace.

Hi! I'm ovulating!

This means that I want:
• Fritos corn chips (the Originals, none of that barbecue shit for this Gal).
• A drip that keeps sugary, caffeine-laden Coca-Cola (Coke Classic, nothing else will do for this Gal) coursing through my veins 24/7.
• Everyone to leave me alone; except for attractive men, who I would desperately like to do me -- and then immediately go away.
• To know why everyone is leaving me alone. Can't they see I'm suffering here?

A rough calculation reveals that, over my lifetime, I have endured more than six months of PMS. There's no real end in sight, either. It's simply unfair! (Although with time, it's gotten a little better. I no longer get angry red zits you could sell ad space on, and cramps are only a once-in-a-while occurrence.)

All of this explains why right now, of all human beings who have ever walked the earth (and that includes Hitler, Yoko Ono and Steve Bartman), the one I hate the most is Oscar Hammerstein II. I swear, if he hadn't died in 1960, I would track him down and slap him for writing:

When I have a brand new hairdo
With my eyelashes all in curl,
I float as the clouds on air do,
I enjoy being a girl!

When men say I'm cute and funny
And my teeth aren't teeth, but pearl,
I just lap it up like honey
I enjoy being a girl!

When men say I'm sweet as candy
As around in a dance we whirl,
It goes to my head like brandy,
I enjoy being a girl!

Tuesday Twosome #1

Perfect for today's shitty (oops, I mean "hot") weather:

1. Two refreshing drinks: Coke and ice water
   
2. Two places that are always cool (home, mall, work, etc.): Movies and my office
   
3. Two ways you keep cool: AC and cold showers
   
4. Two items of clothing/shoes that are a must (tank tops, shorts, etc.): sandals and shorts
   
5. Two places you’d go on vacation to to get away from the heat: Chateau Elan and The Arlington; they're both spas in the hot south, but since they are designed to cater to and pamper poor souls like me, I know they'll be comfortable all year around.
   

For more information, or to play yourself, visit Tuesday Twosome

Tina's Tuesdays #2

Topic: Music for the Soul

1. Who is your all-time favorite artist? Paul McCartney. Sir Paul. The Cute One.
2. What is your all-time favorite song? It changes. Right now: "I Will" by the Beatles
3. Who have you seen in concert or have met personally? Bruce Springsteen. Met him after a concert during The River tour. He was nice, smart and sooo hot.
   

For more information, or to play yourself, visit Tina's Tuesday.