I am not in a relationship right now. That's OK. I've always been more lonely in a bad relationship than I have been alone.
But all this Valentine's Day advertising that centers on kisses makes me sad because I cannot remember my first kiss.
I can assume who it was. But I don't actually remember it.
My best kiss was on a boyfriend's sofa, early in our relationship. I had dozed off while watching Mystery Science Theater and he kissed me awake. We had kissed before, but this was special. It was so warm, so presumptive and so, so, so sexy.
My worst kiss was at the end of what had been a promising first date. He turned my face toward his with one hand on the top of my head and the other cupping my chin. That was such an awkward move I just couldn't get past it.
My last kiss -- I prefer to think of it as my most recent kiss -- was after sweet and rather unexpected "old time's sake" lovemaking with an ex. He was leaving my building and leaned in to kiss me one more time, before he lit a cigarette (he remembered how much I hate smoking).
The memories of those three kisses are so vivid, yet I don't honestly recall my first kiss. And this makes me sad.