Nothing works

I thought that a stolen day off to enjoy one of our last sunny and warm afternoons would refresh me. It didn't.

I thought that doing something constructive -- putting away my summer clothes, taking out my winter clothes -- would make me feel productive. It didn't.

I thought that doing something charitable -- dropping off a bag of clothes to Goodwill -- would make me feel as though I have value. It didn't.

I thought having a guy flirt with me -- the one in line ahead of me at Parky's hot dogs -- would make me feel like everyone doesn't peg me as a pudgy middle-aged lesbian. It didn't.

I am in a very dark place these days. And tomorrow, when I return to work, that coworker of mine is going to glom onto me like a carbuncle. In a weak moment I offered her the seat next to mine at a play this Wednesday (my regular theater buddy can't make it). I'm not looking forward to it. She's in love with her victimhood, and I'm working hard to resist mine. I don't want her sapping me or bringing me down.

I'm seeing my shrink on Thursday. She has her work cut out for her.

Consider Goodwill as you go thru your closets

Today I dropped off 7 t-shirts, a polo and two sweaters. In return I got a nice little receipt for the tax man, and the knowledge that I helped people right here in my neighborhood get jobs.

www.goodwill.org

Dammitall!

I had planned to stay incommunicado today, inaccessible to my best friend when he tries to let know about his weekend in Disneyland and his preparation for tomorrow's big meeting. I was going to not respond to his emails, not pick up or return his calls. Of course, in order to do that, he would have to call me or email me first. And he hasn't. Thereby depriving me of my petty, immature fun.

Is it a sin?

We're very slow at work these days. I am in a tender place emotionally. I don't feel like speaking to anyone. So I called in sick. But not sick for me. I made up a story regarding one of my cats and a trip to the vet. I took this route so that if my boss decides he needs me, I can come in this afternoon with having to feign (cough, cough) a cold or flu.

Now, though, I'm worried about kitty karma. Have I put one of my felines at risk with my deception?

I will try to do something productive with my additional day off. Maybe go through my clothes and put some aside for Goodwill. Perhaps that will square it with The Powers that Be.